What does it mean to be a grown-up? At the end of this year I turn 21
years old. As I approach this symbolic birthday, I realize my ideas
about adulthood have been mixed up.
Even though a big part of growing up is being able to stand on your own
feet, a focus on achieving independence and self-sufficiency can crowd
out gratitude. Young adults often see the journey to adulthood as a
process of shedding dependence on their parents. But I’m beginning to
realize that true maturity isn’t measured in the dependency we can throw
off, but in the responsibility we can take on. We mistakenly believe
that maturity is not needing others, when in fact maturity is responding
as servants to those who need us.
How many of us make the same mistake the nine ungrateful lepers of
Jesus’ day made? In our excitement about our own lives and expanding
horizons we rush on our way without a thought to go back and thank those
who made these opportunities possible. I am convinced that 80% of the
conflicts I see my college-age peers facing with their parents would be
solved if they looked through eyes of gratitude instead of a self
centeredness that asks, “Why do I need them anymore?”
Grace Hemingway, the mother of the famous and dissolute author, Ernest
Hemingway, saw this ingratitude in her son and unsuccessfully tried to
correct it. Paul Johnson, in his book Intellectuals, records a letter in
which Mrs. Hemingway compared a mother’s life to a bank: “Every child
that is born to her enters the world with a large and prosperous bank
account, seemingly inexhaustible.” The child draws and draws— “no
deposits during all the early years.” Then up to adolescence, “while the
bank is heavily drawn upon,” there are “a few deposits of pennies, in
the way of some services willingly done, some thoughtfulness and ‘thank
you.’”
With manhood, while the bank goes on handing out love and sympathy:
“The account needs some deposits by this time, some good-sized ones in
the way of gratitude and appreciation, interest in Mother’s ideas and
affairs. Little comforts provided for the home; a desire to favour any
of Mother’s peculiar prejudices, on no account to outrage her ideas.
Flowers, fruit or candy, or something pretty to wear, brought home to
Mother with a kiss and a squeeze. . .deposits which keep the account in good
standing.”
Have you made any deposits lately? If a sense of gratitude and familial
affection isn’t enough motivation, God has promised to bless those that
honor their parents. In Ephesians 6:2-3 Paul exhorts the believers to
“‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a
promise—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on
the earth.”
The ways you can honor your dad and mom will be different than those of
other people. A spirit of gratitude shows itself in big and small ways.
Whether your mom needs the special gifts Mrs. Hemingway wrote of,
“brought home with a kiss and a squeeze,” or the more practical
expression of a chore cheerfully completed, be on the lookout for your
opportunities.
And above all, enjoy your parents. Just appreciate them in spite of
their imperfections. Don’t let another day go by that you don’t make a
deposit in the account that has given so much to you. I have a feeling
that someday you and I will want our kids to do the same.
