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How mom can keep her own identity and still homeschool?

 
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kkapfe
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Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Posts: 55
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:09 pm    Post subject: How mom can keep her own identity and still homeschool? Reply with quote

This is our fourth year homeschooling (3 girls, grades 4, 2, and K). My husband is concerned about me because I feel like I've lost my identity. I do get out of the house and I do have my own friends, but I need something to do where I can receive some sort of affirmation. Parenting is one of those things where mom really sees fruit about 20 years down the road when her kids are contributing members of society. I'm not a stay-at-home mom because I just love everything about s-a-h mothering. I'm here now because I've gotten used to it after it becoming financially mandatory 6 years ago. It's great, but I'm not domestic at heart. I love working in an office and seeing my completed work pile up in my outbox (very different from working all day cleaning the house just to have your kids follow behind you and mess it up again!). My husband has thought about me possible returning to work part-time just so that I can have something to do that is just "mine" and not related to our girls, or our church (we are very involved in ministry). Keeping my kids at home for their education is one of my main priorities but there has to be a way that compromises between them being home and me being sane!

So, I was wondering what some of you do to keep up your mental health and still enjoy homeschooling.
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JerbysMom
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Joined: 10 Jun 2009
Posts: 17
Location: Southwest Indiana

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I don't have any suggestions really, since I'm going through the same thing plus some. My problem is compounded by not having a vehicle to get out of the house during the day and I don't have any friends. I used to but, you know, people grow apart, and I'm terrible in social situations so I never made any new ones. I might suggest www.cafemom.com It's a social networking site that's JUST for moms and they have gobs of groups you can join. I've met a lot of really great mamas on there that almost make up for not having any real life friends. LOL My husband is on the path to opening his own tattoo shop, instead of working in someone else's, which will mean I could come man the counter for him sometimes and be out of the house, but that day seems so far away! I'm not really the domestic type either, but I do my best (which could be a LOT better!). Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say... You're not alone!
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ncmom
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Joined: 13 Jul 2007
Posts: 321
Location: Eastern NC

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am not sure what to do to help either. Have you considered offering a unit study or something like that to other homeschoolers. You could either make it free or possibly charge a small fee depending on what you are offering. Find a subject you are knowledgeable in and go for it. Can you sew, cook, bake, know shorthand, good at music, maybe your are good at math? There is always a call out there for someone who knows a subject to offer it to others who might not be as knowledgeable in it.

Everyone wants to feel needed and like they have accomplished something. Just remember your biggest project is your children and their advancement is a reflection on you and what you have done. So if they are intelligent people who are kind, giving, and understanding then your "out box" is full at the end of the day and people will see that, even if they don't say it everyday. Take pride in what you are doing and treat it like a job, being a SAH is the hardest and most time consuming job on earth if it is done correctly.

However:
I do understand where you are coming from. I have been married and a SAH for 16 yrs and sometimes get a little stir crazy. We have never had more than one car, have 4 kids ages 15, 11, 2, and one due in 8 wks, and have lived in the middle of nowhere for the majority of our marriage. My friends rarely come to visit me because it is at least a 45 min drive and my town has no stores, no gas stations, no entertainment of any kind, no other children for the most part, no restaurants, and no park of any kind to go to.

I have counteracted this issue with arranging to borrow a car so I can teach music lessons and get my older kids where they need to be and I will occasionally take my husband to work so we can do a field trip. I also occasionally offer to teach unit studies and we do community service work at least twice a year.

I, like everyone else, have those days when I am lonely and feel like I am the only person left in the world and that my only identity is who my children are. I don't know how to fix that. What I do is call a friend, get out my sewing, or find something to do that is just mine. I personally love being a SAH and never wanted to do anything else with my life so I guess my mindset may be a little different than someone who has in the past worked full time.

I hope you find some middle ground where you can have everything you want.
and,
Just remember your not alone...every mom in the world, if they are honest, will tell you that they have felt like you are feeling at some point in their lives.
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