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Moral Dilemmas and Homeschool Groups...

 
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lilredhen5
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Joined: 22 Apr 2007
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Location: Georgia, USA

PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 11:41 am    Post subject: Moral Dilemmas and Homeschool Groups... Reply with quote

Hi, I am new here, and this is a big issue for my first post, but I am seeking Godly counsel, so here goes:
We have 8 seniors graduating in our homeschool group, of which one is my 17 year-old son. Back in January, one of the mothers decided it would be a good idea to elect "class officers". I was opposed to this from the outset, but decided not to make waves since it didn't seem to do any harm. This woman's son was elected "class president". It is a position in name only; he has no real duties or responsibilities other than giving a welcome at our graduation ceremony.
Three weeks ago, it was announced that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. He offered to step down as president, but three girls that are also seniors encouraged and almost insisted that he stay on as president. The mothers of these girls agreeed with them...three other mothers of seniors were not there to give their input, and I said nothing, because I already knew how it would be received, and I do not like conflict.
Now, I must add that my own husband was in this position 20 years ago, and I know what it is like to live with that stigma....but he was not saved at that time, nor was he representing a Christian home school group.
I have been raked over the coals by one mother for being "legalistic" and "unloving" regarding this situation.
I feel a great deal of compassion and sorrow for this family and their situation, but am I wrong to believe that there ought to be a standard for conduct? What about our testimony as a group in our community?
I felt this should have been a decision for the whole group, not just 8 mothers (or more accurately, just the senior kids themselves)...
Opinions?
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4given
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Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 735
Location: S.Indiana

PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 8:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, that's tough. I guess from my perspective it would hinge on the "president's" heart- is he repentant or flippant about it all. I will proceed from the standpoint that he is of a repentant heart...

The first scripture that comes to mind is found in Galations chapter 6...
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

He is a teenager who has made a bad decision. He will live with the consequences everyday. This could be a very vital time in this young man's life where he learns what true mercy is-undeserved favor. I would be more concerned with his soul than what anyone may think. I don't believe that anyone will assume that he is being exalted for immorality. Instead, others may learn that when they fall short, there is compassion to be found in the Lord and from His people.

Just my opinion, for what it's worth.

Sheila (HS mom to 4 sons)
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Theodore
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 9:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Removing him from the position of class president is not the same thing as banishing him from the group entirely. The class president is supposed to set an example for everyone else, and I don't think getting your gf pregnant is a terribly good example. Plus, the whole class president thing was ramrodded through in the first place, obviously just for the benefit of him and his mother. It wasn't worth making an issue of then, but it certainly should be brought to a full vote now.

Beyond the vote, I guess the important question is, is he going to marry his gf or not? It wouldn't make things entirely better, but it would show that he's willing to at least take responsibility for his actions. If he's not willing to marry her and provide for her, then he shouldn't be class president, regardless of whether the vote is massively in his favor. It's one thing to do something wrong, repent, and take the consequences - it's another entirely to run off and leave someone else to clean up your mess.

The focus in this sort of thing is always on the mother and father, and sometimes on appearances, but rarely on what's going to happen to the baby if he or she ends up being raised in a single-parent environment.
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4given
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Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Theodore wrote:
The class president is supposed to set an example for everyone else, and I don't think getting your gf pregnant is a terribly good example.


I agree, but neither is having your buddy killed so you can have his wife. Yet King David will forever be known as being "a man after God's own heart." What about Abraham who got drunk and exposed himself? He's still the Father of our Faith, isn't he? Class Pres. of a HS group seems miniscule in comparison.

I don't know exactly what should be done because I am not privvy to all the details. I do know that people are very precious to the Lord and when dealing with them, we should be very careful. The wrong decision could get this young man "lost" if he's even saved. This could effect generations to come. On the other hand, the Right decision could effect them in the right direction. God's thoughts are higher than ours. Seek him, and don't hand down a verdict til "you know that you know" he should be removed. If he were to remain, maybe he could make it right with those who look to him as an example. Maybe he could humble himself before the group, apologize and show his remorse, share his plans for the future of his child.

Sheila
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Theodore
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David and Bathsheba didn't get off scott-free, I seem to remember that the baby died. And it was Noah who got drunk, but you can't really count that because it was the first time strong drink had ever been produced, and I doubt Noah realized what was happening. Neither are terribly good comparisons.
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4given
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Theodore wrote:
David and Bathsheba didn't get off scott-free, I seem to remember that the baby died. And it was Noah who got drunk, but you can't really count that because it was the first time strong drink had ever been produced, and I doubt Noah realized what was happening. Neither are terribly good comparisons.


I wasn't suggesting that this young man should get off scott-free. I am simply saying that not everything is cut and dry. Pardon me for confusing Noah/Abraham. I think these are perfect examples of God's mercy. The whole Bible is full of His mercy, grace, forgiveness. Yes, He is a God of justice and wrath but you and I have never seen it. Thanks to Jesus! And I do remember a time where a woman was caught in the very act of adultery. Did Jesus jump in and condemn her? No, He challenged the group...He who has no sin cast the first stone. I don't think Jesus is suggesting that adultery is okay by showing her mercy.The Law supported the other group but Jesus stood against them. He certainly wasn't concerned with keeping up appearances. If He was, none of us would be in His family.

I'm sure you are very capable of refuting everything I've just stated. You've been brought up very well, no doubt. That's quite alright. Having been raised in New Age religion, I will surely be less knowledgable than you. But I've come to know Jesus over the past 10 years and I never knew such love existed. The Lord has loved me through discipline and correction at times. He's even allowed me to suffer the consequences of my actions.

Again, I do not know what the consequences for this young man should be. Just be careful, LilRedHen. Remember that he is precious to God.

Sheila
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Calleigh
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

4given,

I just wanted to say that I agree with you almost completely. If not for mercy and grace none of us would have a leg to stand on. IF this young man is repentant he could really use this to minister to other young people. In my opinion, the people who are generally the best at ministering are those who have experienced the pain of making a bad decision. This kid is going to be a father at the "ripe old age" of seventeen; I don't think anyone could say he is getting off scott-free! Truly he needs mercy and forgiveness just like the rest of us!

Calleigh
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Theodore
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 12:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, yes, you're not going to throw him into the outer darkness. My only question is, do you think he should still be in a leadership position? It's not a matter of being nice to him, but rather one of whether it sets a good example to others outside the group.
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Calleigh
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm so glad to hear you are not for throwing him into the outer darkness! Wink

It's been A WHILE since I have dealt with any kind of class president type things (I won't say how long!) but isn't it the other students who "vote" that person into the position?

Certainly that isn't a good example, but I think these students are probably aware of that. I guess I don't really think he should be taken out of his "position," especially since his position really doesn't mean anything anyway. It would just cause more strain and stress in an already awkward situation. Just my opinion. I'm guessing this mother who pushed for it in the first place probably feels pretty embarrassed all the way around. Embarassed
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