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Spouse against homeschooling

 
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zephyrmom
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Joined: 28 Jan 2010
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 12:10 am    Post subject: Spouse against homeschooling Reply with quote

Brand new to this forum.
I really want to homeschool but my husband is opposed. I am not looking for convincing arguments to try to persuade him, we're past that. I am instead trying to weigh homeschooling in a situation of parental disagreement vs. public schooling. Anyone else been through this? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Also, just for more information, our children will be turning 5 and 3 in the next few months. I have been a stay at home mom since my first was born.
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Jill
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Joined: 20 Apr 2008
Posts: 295

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband was adamantly opposed to homeschooling at first...but did finally eventually agree to let me test it for part of a year. This was in November of 2004 and he agreed to let me take them out of school -when he couldn't believe some of the stuff the kids were telling him about. We agreed to discuss it again in the summer of 2005 based on what happened at home that year.

After that partial year trial, he was a little more supportive and agreed to continue, one year at a time. I don't know for sure if him being able to compare what he saw in their public school with what they were learning at home had something to do with his change of heart or not, but I would suspect it did. It took a few years, but now he is a big supporter. Cool

Personally, I would not have tried homeschooling without his tentative-half hearted agreement. Even with his "ok, if you insist, but only for the rest of this year" it was hard to be excited about homeschooling around him. It was a very difficult year for me because he didn't really want to be involved in decisions and whenever I had a bad day (and there will be bad days) I didn't feel like I could go to him or let him know about it because he would say "This was your idea, if it's not working, just send them to school." This was not what I wanted to hear when I knew it was just one bad day out of many good ones. I felt a huge amount of pressure to "perform" as a teacher because I dreaded the thought of possibly having to send them back to school. I was very blessed to have a network of supportive homeschool friends during this time. I probably couldn't have done it without them.

As much as I think homeschooling is a much better choice, I think it is SO important to have your spouse at least agree (even with reservations) to a trial. I think it would cause too much conflict in a marriage, which could be ultimately worse for a child than going to school, to try to "do it with or without you."

Best wishes.
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Jill
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zephyrmom
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Joined: 28 Jan 2010
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Jill. I appreciate you sharing your story and your opinion.
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narrow4life
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Joined: 31 Aug 2010
Posts: 12
Location: USA

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 3:58 pm    Post subject: Finally...past the arguments Reply with quote

It may just be "wording" or "semantics", but I'd say being past "convincing arguments" is a GREAT thing. Hard to change a man's opinion with that. So, if we do not mean the same thing by that term, fine. Otherwise....

PRAY & FAST! The best way to have heart surgery is for the God who created the heart to do His work. He moves when people fast and pray.

See my post here: http://www.home-school.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=6407

Now, that post is most likely seen as trying to be a convincing argument. It was partially intended to be, and partially intended to just be Proverbs 27:17. Either way, you may find it helpful.
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Vrindavan
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Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 1:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wish you good luck
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Chance2450
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Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jill wrote:
My husband was adamantly opposed to homeschooling at first...but did finally eventually agree to let me test it for part of a year. This was in November of 2004 and he agreed to let me take them out of school -when he couldn't believe some of the stuff the kids were telling him about. We agreed to discuss it again in the summer of 2005 based on what happened at home that year.

After that partial year trial, he was a little more supportive and agreed to continue, one year at a time. I don't know for sure if him being able to compare what he saw in their public school with what they were learning at home had something to do with his change of heart or not, but I would suspect it did. It took a few years, but now he is a big supporter. Cool

Personally, I would not have tried homeschooling without his tentative-half hearted agreement. Even with his "ok, if you insist, but only for the rest of this year" it was hard to be excited about homeschooling around him. It was a very difficult year for me because he didn't really want to be involved in decisions and whenever I had a bad day (and there will be bad days) I didn't feel like I could go to him or let him know about it because he would say "This was your idea, if it's not working, just send them to school." This was not what I wanted to hear when I knew it was just one bad day out of many good ones. I felt a huge amount of pressure to "perform" as a teacher because I dreaded the thought of possibly having to send them back to school. I was very blessed to have a network of supportive homeschool friends during this time. I probably couldn't have done it without them.

As much as I think homeschooling is a much better choice, I think it is SO important to have your spouse at least agree (even with reservations) to a trial. I think it would cause too much conflict in a marriage, which could be ultimately worse for a child than going to school, to try to "do it with or without you."

Best wishes.


That's an excellent idea, Jill. Maybe her husband will let her test it for a year. I, for one, am all FOR homeschooling but I understand not everyone is.
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noelroberts
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Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 12:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I personally wanted my kids to be in a normal school environment, to develop deep friendships, to learn sports, to learn working with others. Having finished in that environment has proven effectove for me. But my wife wanted them to be homeschooled. I was adamant at first. But hearing all these negative things that have been happening in school lately, I changed my mind.
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RaysHomeschool
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Joined: 07 Mar 2011
Posts: 16
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

We had the same problem here. For me, priority #1 was to make sure that we were both in agreement. It will not be a good environment for your children if the two of you are constantly fighting. The way I got around this was to homeschool my children over the summer as a trial period. It was ultimately his decision based on how the children were acting and how much they had learned by the end of the summer. The summer went great, my oldest learned more in a short summer period than she had all year in school and now he is very gung-ho about homeschooling. Pray about it first but this is what worked for us.
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ssddsunshine
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Joined: 21 Jul 2011
Posts: 2
Location: CT

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just joined this forum for this exact reason. Even though my daughter is only 7 months old, I wanted to bring up homeschooling well before she has to go to school. My family is very supportive of me wanting to homeschool but my fiancee and his family are against it and all they can come up with is the socialization debate and that public school is important but can't give me any good reasons. He finally said that I can homeschool her only if I have her reading and doing math at a first grade level before kindergarten.(I don't know why he chose that to be the deciding factor) All I want is for him to be ok with me at least trying it and see how it goes before saying no. I have family and friends that are living proof that homeschooling is better and they are extremely happy, outgoing, successful people.
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Macbetht
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Joined: 07 Oct 2011
Posts: 2
Location: 121312er

PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In 1818, Thomas Jefferson wrote
The objects of... primary education [which] determine its character and limits [are]: To give to every citizen the information he needs for the transaction of his own business; to enable him to calculate for himself, and to express and preserve his ideas, his contracts and accounts in writing; to improve, by reading, his morals and faculties; to understand his duties to his neighbors and country, and to discharge with competence the functions confided to him by either; to know his rights; to exercise with order and justice those he retains, to choose with discretion the fiduciary of those he delegates; and to notice their conduct with diligence, with candor and judgment; and in general, to observe with intelligence and faithfulness all the social relations under which he shall be placed."
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tiffers
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Joined: 17 Oct 2012
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My girls r also going on 5 & 3 so i decided to homeschool them this yr to see if i could get my hubby on board. For this yr. I didnt want to get in over my head so i got our criculium books from half price book. Next yr ill order an actual criculium that will cover more of the subjects needed and keep us more organized. We joined a sm homeschool group and we have our oldest in a 2 day preschool and homeschool her the other 3 days. I keep a binder of stuff she does at school and a binder of stuff we do at home. Ive been able to show my hubby all the stuff we were able to do at home and all the pics of us playing games, learning and from outtings we've been on and hes warmed up to the idea of homeschooling. Still not 100% but almost there. Smile maybe u can try doing things w ur kids before kinder to show him all they can be learning from being at home.

My hubbys main concern was them not being socialized and today he actually got to see how good they r with people. We were at a family reunion with a lot of people none of us knew and my 4 yr old went up to the 8 yr old and invited her over to play ponys with her since it was all older people there. He thought it was so neat that she could get along with an older child and be the one to talk to her first. Ive had my girls in playgroups from day one so they r pretty socialized and make friends easily without needing to be with the same group of kids everyday. I wish u luck on ur journey! I'm still working on my inlaws...lol
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NeonSkylark
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Joined: 02 Feb 2013
Posts: 2
Location: Seattle, WA

PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's my solution to my husband and family's concerns about socialization: I've enrolled the kids in programs that run during the summer and holidays for the children of two-income families. So essentially my kids are in "school" whenever other kids are out of school.

I like that these programs are ONLY about socialization since there's no academic instruction going on. That we work on at home. It gives me a break and the kids some variety in their activities and playmates. It also gives my kids the skill-set they would need if we ever decided to send them back to school, e.g., dealing with teachers, lines, other kids etc, but in a low pressure environment where they don't have to worry about grades and standardized tests.

I also like that the teachers get to primarily focus on the children's happiness and improvement of their social skills rather than having to primarily focus on their academic achievement. It's been very helpful for my oldest son who has ADHD and for whom learning social skills is the most difficult subject.
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Berenice
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Joined: 05 Mar 2013
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm in just oppsite situation as my husband wants me to homeschool our kids and I'm not sure about it. For my part, I strongly recommend you not to to get too hard on him as family consent is primary.
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Nathan
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Joined: 11 Mar 2013
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Location: Alaska

PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 7:02 am    Post subject: Convert Father Reply with quote

As a father who was one time against homeschooling and is now wholly supportive I feel that it is important to approach it as a team. Acknowledge that your spouses concerns are legitimate and find some common ground. I originally agreed to a trial period especially after I saw the negative effect that kindergarten had on our daughter. As a man I like to see results and some time it can be difficult to see tangible results from homeschool, like a report card. Making education measurable is reassuring but come to mean less to me over the years.
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