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I just got mad at my son :( and ramble abt. discipline
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Will I eventually go crazy homeschooling?
yes
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
no
11%
 11%  [ 1 ]
probably, but it will be a lot of fun and you'll be smart when you finish.
55%
 55%  [ 5 ]
42
33%
 33%  [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 9

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kennys_mommy
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Joined: 20 May 2008
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Location: near a really big college in illinois

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2008 3:42 pm    Post subject: I just got mad at my son :( and ramble abt. discipline Reply with quote

And we had to stop schooling for a bit for me to cool down. He is VERY strong willed and very opinionated at 7 years old. He went to a Christian School until February of this year and we pulled him because we just weren't happy with what they were doing with him. He never talked about anything but play time....... I'm digressing sorry.

OK - here's the problem. He tells me constantly "That's not the way X school told me" "That's not the way Mrs. X said that word." "That's not the way Grandma did _____ last year in kindergarten".

I've asked him nicely and then firmly that this is Mommy homeschooling, and we're doing it the Mommy homeschooling way - please don't correct me.

Today, on top of him having to stand to do his work, and only being allowed to have a pencil when he had to write something because he would not stop fidgeting and playing with his pencil like a light saber, every single thing I did was wrong, or not the way he thought it should be or the way someone else did it. After an hour of this I had to quit because quite frankly, I was in tears and getting angry with him for not listening. I don't want to make school a bad experience by yelling at him or constantly making him be quiet.

I want him to have imagination and be creative, but he stops every 3 minutes to tell me a story about something he saw on TV, or something that his big brother told him, or he's on his knees, standing, on one foot -



I discipline in school by making him stand if he's fidgeting, taking away his pencil (he's doing some math right now and just came away from the table to tell me a story about his dad playing with mercury when he was a kid), I sent him back to the table with an admonition to stay seated and focus. Earlier, we were doing money and he couldn't work without telling me that quarters never have eagles on them and that the money was probably fake, and no amount of convincing him with 6 other eagle sided quarters could convince him. If he's just totally incorrigible he has to stop and stand against the wall - facing it for about 3 minutes.

He cries if you tell him he's got a problem wrong, or if he's spelled something wrong, or he's formed a letter incorrectly - his face just crumbles and his heart breaks.

I fear that I'm not doing well by him, my patience is wearing so thin right now and because I was ill 3 weeks, we really still have about 6 more days of school to go. We've been doing 2 or 3 lessons in each subject each day - so we're homeschooling from 8:30 til 5p.m with about 1.5 hours break all day - lunch and a little afternoon, get supper together break.

I want to add that he is INSATIABLE with learning - he wants to learn everything he can, only watches science shows, OK once in awhile cartoons, but rarely... he reads at a 3rd or 4th grade level. Is he too smart?

I hate to think he's hyperactive or has ADD... I have ADD, I'm 42 and my life has just SUCKED because of it.

OK I'm probably not done rambling - and I probably didn't make any sense... bear with me - I'm upset.
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Minniewannabe
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Joined: 24 Apr 2008
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Location: Florida

PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2008 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Personally, if I was schooling from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. every day I would go crazy after 2 days. Why are you in such a hurry? Why do you have a deadline? Just because you were out sick shouldn't mean you have to cram in 3 weeks of material.

In regards to your son's challenging your authority, we went through the same thing when we started. I believe it's part of the transitioning period everyone talks about. Hang in there. Stay firm. Miraculously, the transitioning period will be over and you will have your little boy back. Ours took about 3 months after being in private school for 3 years. The experienced homeschoolers state the transition period lasts about 1 month for each previous year of school.
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elliemaejune
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PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2008 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, if you'd asked me in February. I'd have told you not to do anything that looks like school until next fall. and to spend the following months de-schooling.

The next thing I would tell you is that with a child so young, you should be able to do everything by noon, and that I wouldn't leave him at a table alone to do schoolwork.

And so I'll tell you now: Put away all the school stuff and spend the next few months doing warm-fuzzy mother-son things together, re-establishing the relationship you didn't have before because your ds was in school...not that you didn't love him or anything, but that the relationship you had is not the same as what you'll have once you are together all the time.

And your ds may not correct you by saying that things were done differently when he was in school. This is *your* school, and you are always right. You don't have to tell him "nicely." You fix him with the steely eyeball stare and tell him to knock it off, period.
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Elei
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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 12:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you'll have to change your look on homeschooling, especially with a challeging child.
I have 2 ADHD boys, well, one with the H and one without the H.
This doesn't have to be so bad, you have to look at the good side of it. My husband is ADHD too, although this can be big disaster (he loses and forgets about everything), this also has its advantages, he is a brilliant creative cook and a science wiz.

I'm terrible at science and cooking. Does that mean I have a cooking deficit disorder? It just mean I'm different and I have to do the things I'm good at, reminding him of his appointments, and he has to do the cooking LOL.

With your son this is the same. Forget about the workbook stuf, if he loves science and reads at 3rd grade level it is probably too boring for him. Go to the library and let him choose a load of books to read and just let him read them quietly at home. He is learning and you can relax!!!!
If he likes science programs let him watch one every day. TV can be a very good tool for learning if we use it propperly. He is watching the program and learning and you are relaxing again. (or what I do: you have time for cleaning, ironing, preparing......) After the program maybe you can give him some material the program was about and let him experiment with it outside (I say outside because that is what I always try to do, than I don't have to worry about the mess they make, they can just do whatever they want), I mean with liquids, mixing solids, making bridges with stones and wood, glueing all sorts of stuff, light and sound stuff, hammering, taking appart an old radio, old computer,.....

Make a lapbook about it later, that has a lot of cutting and glueing so he is bussy with his hands.

reduce the "sit and fill in" time to maximum 1 or maybe two hours a day. (I would do only 1) for the rest let him read, you can read to him, let him explore and invent. You might have a great inventor at home.

Maybe you could do some reading on the different learning stiles related to the multiple intelligences theory of Gardner. I'm sure you have a kinestetic learner.

And believe me, kids learn much more when we don't try to teach them.
Elei.
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kennys_mommy
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Joined: 20 May 2008
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Location: near a really big college in illinois

PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is a reason that we're doing a full day of schooling that is a very long hard story to tell - I'll make it short/simple.

These are my S-Kids, the oldest is in public school because I jsut can't handle them both - we want to save the youngest from turning into his brother, who has been largely shoved to the back of the class and ignored educationally, and ridiculed because he is a wiggler. Just like the younger boy.

Anyway - he B/Mom tried homeschooling the older boys (2 from her previous marriage, and D, the oldest I have here now) because they were in a horrible school district and the teachers put them all in the back of the class and made their lives miserable because my husb & his X didn't want to give them medications. Jump forward the 2nd year of homeschooling for them, and HER mom/dad decided that they weren't being taken care of properly, taught properly as well as a couple other problems non-school related and sued my husb & his X for custody.

largely in court (I read the transcripts) they discussed their being homeschooled and the fact that there were notations in the calendar that they
did math pgs 100-105
2 loads of laundry
science
english
went shopping

day 2
math
hauled water
science
worked in garden

you get my drift? I'm trying to keep it short.

Anyway - because the school calendar was not only a school calendar for her, it kept track of everything they did - days off, why they had a day off etc, the courts decided that she wasn't homeschooling them and although they didn't get custody of the kids - they were court ordered to return the children to public school. It cost them about $20,000 or more to defend themselves and it's made my husband paranoid. He insists on a full 7 hour school day, so that's what I do.

We use Abeka and because we had to wait 2 weeks after we pulled him from the Christian school to get the books, and then my 3 weeks of gallbladder/pneumonia illness, we are absolutely so far behind and we're trying to catch up so he can finish 1st grade by the 2nd week of June.
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Lily
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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 8:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My 9yo wasn't able to sit still until this year. He's also very verbal and gets off track easily, but less so as he grows.

Our solution? Treat discipline as learning. For the fidgiter, we gave MORE work that he could manipulate and LESS that he had to write. To keep him on track, we gave MORE self correcting work and LESS taught work. You should see my spreadsheet for this year - I have about 60 items listed with either a B or an M next to it. If the Bs (books) were heavy in one subject, I added enough Ms (manipulatives) to balance it out or outweigh the Bs.

Money - this was learned not sitting at a desk. Everything from placing reusable price tags on favorite things and giving him the pretend cash to grocery shopping and giving him a list and set amount of money.

For a kid that has to move, you can't punish them. They need a way to grow into the capabilities you're asking of them. Just because Johnny next door is 6 and can sit quietly doesn't mean your 7yo can. Different kids, different needs. And for the smart, unable to sit ones, it doesn't make sense to do the curriculum because there's pages. Skip around. Or find another way to present the material. One of our books had page after page of writing exercises. It would have been like pulling teeth to get some of them done. But they also needed to be learned. So we did them OUR way - story webs were a combination of thoughts scrawled quickly on paper and thrown on the ground, connected with chalk across the kitchen floor. Papers were cut up to be rearranged. We 'unpacked our adjectives' last year with pretend briefcases and lots cut out from the newspaper.
It's like this with most subjects still in our house. Homeschooling isn't about the parent. It's not about me and I am not always right. Homeschooling is about meeting the needs of the individual child. Period.
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Miss_Kristy
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Joined: 17 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suggest directing your husband to this and other forums, buying him some books on homeschooling and getting your DS seen by a doctor to see if he has ADD. Just because he (DH) insists on something does not mean it's for the best.

You seem frazzled and it's obvious that the poor child in this situation is miserable. What good are you doing him by keeping him at home at this point? Homeschool is not suppose to be this way.

I'd like to know why doing laundy, and shopping are not concidered part of education. Or atleast not part of the homeschool day. We do those things in my house.

I'm sorry, I'm not judging you. But this just makes me mad.
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bubbaansissy
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Joined: 05 Feb 2008
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Location: Deep South - Best Kept Secret

PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kennys mommy:

my kids are still very, very young, so most might think that i cannot relate. however, i can definitely empathize the struggles you are facing. it sounds like it has been really tough on you. i could be off-base here, but it seems like you might not have explained to your husband how rough (emotionally) this forcing of the full days has been on you and your son. i truly hope that you can explain that you don't have to conduct a school like setting w/ school like hours for it to constitute education. also, a little word of advice here, but i've heard many parents w/ older children (on this forum) let the children help choose their own curriculum. this might help change his attitude toward you helping educate him at home & it's something the two of you can do together....you know, curriculum shop or going to curriculum fairs. my heart and prayers go out for you. i hope you can take some time to reflect on his interests and help steer him there. God bless you!
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learningallthetime
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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 10:01 pm    Post subject: kennys_mommy Reply with quote

Oh dear, I feel your frustration. However I never had to deal with the ex-in-laws etc that you are pressured by. But I just want to say that your son sounds a lot like my son who is now 22 and recently graduated from college with many honors. The key is letting them learn in their own way and in their own time. Often it meant allowing him to go out and build contraptions he was dreaming up instead of completing worksheets and yes he still watches the science channel etc. more than I can stand! He had memorized the "How It's Made" videos....you get the idea. Read aloud to him, let him try things, experiment with things, build things...just write it all up, if necessary to prove in great edu-speak type descriptions. But only if you have to prove the value to some authority. Really, it is SO much more productive than anything that generally happens in school. You know, waiting for someone to line up, collecting lunch money, etc. Let him be himself and have fun with learning. You will be fine.
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Ophelia
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PostPosted: Sat May 31, 2008 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your husband needs to understand that a 7 hour school day is TOO much for a child that age. Even in public school you don't put in a day that long. In addition, much of your day is spent lining up to change classes, lining up for lunch, lining up for recess, lining up for the bathroom, etc.

There are a lot of things you can do that "count" as school but are not as rigid as sitting at a desk and doing mundane work all day and may be just the "break" he needs.

Bake something with him. Cookies, bread, anything really. Let him help with measuring ingredients. This counts at a math lesson, but is less rigid and more fun for a child of 7. Talk about the ingredients going into the baked good. Where do they come from? How is a homemade X better for you than a manufactured X? Now you are covering Science and Health.

Pop in a short educational video. Schlessinger Media makes some educational videos that are approximately 30 minutes in length and will help give him a break from the "desk and chair" school day. I check these out from my local library. We just watched one this morning on Measurement.

Laundry and grocery shopping are certainly part of homeschooling. When doing laundry discuss WHY we do laundry. How the washing machine works, how people did laundry before the invention of the washing machine. I would think that laundry is part of "personal hygiene" which is generally part of curriculum for 7 year olds. Use grocery shopping as an opportunity to discuss where the foods you are buying come from, are they nutritious, what part of the food pyramid does this food fall into, discuss grocery prices and how much money you have to work with.

And don't forget that "play time" is an important part of the day. Kids need to get fresh air and run around. It helps recharge the brain and it's good for them too. Call it PE and mark off 45 minutes of the day!

Go outside with him and dig up some bugs! Try to figure out what each bug is. Look them up on the internet. Hands on science for little boys!

It can be frustrating, it can be stressful, but it can be fun too. Open up your imagination and see what you can come up with. It can be fun for both of you. You will have bad days and you will have good days. We all do.
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ncmom
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow..all day at school? My kids would go nuts! It only takes us between 1 and 2 hours. I let my kids minds wonder and they do run down rabbit trails sometimes when in school but we always get back to what we were doing.

I have found after many years of trying different schedules that what works for us us Mon, Wed, Fri we do Eng and Math and Tues and Thurs is Science or Health and History. We do reading everyday but that is part of our bedtime routine.

I recommend just relaxing and taking it in stride. If her were in public school the chances of him finishing the books would be slim anyway. Plus you can work some this summer if needed to or start where you left off in the fall if you really wanted to finish the books. You don't want him to get burned out. School at home, although should still be educational, should also be fun and relaxing.
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kennys_mommy
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Location: near a really big college in illinois

PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry I haven't been back to post again - didn't mean to do a post and run on all of you great advise givers! And I truly appreciate all of it.

I am going to go look for the book The Strong Willed Child and read it and see what I can get out of it and help both of us. Next year, we're going to be more relaxed with this and hopefully that will relax him too.

I'm about to fall on my face here, but other than some straggling science and a couple of reading books - we're done Very Happy Very Happy I'm so happy!!!
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bubbaansissy
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey, kenny's mommy, try reading "The Well Trained Mind" by Jessie Wise & Susan Wise Bauer.
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Debra
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:46 pm    Post subject: Montessori Reply with quote

I am having similar issues with my 7 yr old daughter. She has been in Montessori since age 3 and even is advanced in the 3rd grade and gifted and talented Literature and Language Arts. We are in virtual school at home so our curriculum is guided by the state, but we are both wore out to tears everyday, especially in math. This is just too much work!!! I don't know if I can keep up. And, she is so fidgetty to where she can not possibley sit still for 10 seconds. Her attention span is about 5 seconds, even on watching videos. We are only in the second week and already I am thinking about quiting. I don't know how we will keep up. It is supposed to be about 1 hour for each subject, but we aren't finishing until 5 or 6 pm. I just need some advice soon or I will turn my brain off! lol.



Lily wrote:
My 9yo wasn't able to sit still until this year. He's also very verbal and gets off track easily, but less so as he grows.

Our solution? Treat discipline as learning. For the fidgiter, we gave MORE work that he could manipulate and LESS that he had to write. To keep him on track, we gave MORE self correcting work and LESS taught work. You should see my spreadsheet for this year - I have about 60 items listed with either a B or an M next to it. If the Bs (books) were heavy in one subject, I added enough Ms (manipulatives) to balance it out or outweigh the Bs.

Money - this was learned not sitting at a desk. Everything from placing reusable price tags on favorite things and giving him the pretend cash to grocery shopping and giving him a list and set amount of money.

For a kid that has to move, you can't punish them. They need a way to grow into the capabilities you're asking of them. Just because Johnny next door is 6 and can sit quietly doesn't mean your 7yo can. Different kids, different needs. And for the smart, unable to sit ones, it doesn't make sense to do the curriculum because there's pages. Skip around. Or find another way to present the material. One of our books had page after page of writing exercises. It would have been like pulling teeth to get some of them done. But they also needed to be learned. So we did them OUR way - story webs were a combination of thoughts scrawled quickly on paper and thrown on the ground, connected with chalk across the kitchen floor. Papers were cut up to be rearranged. We 'unpacked our adjectives' last year with pretend briefcases and lots cut out from the newspaper.
It's like this with most subjects still in our house. Homeschooling isn't about the parent. It's not about me and I am not always right. Homeschooling is about meeting the needs of the individual child. Period.
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momo3boys
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't mean to yell but, PEOPLE, WE ARE HOMESCHOOLERS, Exclamation our children don't have to sit still for hours at a time. They can move and explore and learn things in context. They don't have to learn science from a book, they can experience it. They don't have to learn math from a pile of work books, they can build a structure and measure and add and estimate, they can bake and grow vegetable gardens and have fun being children and learning at the same time. PLEASE! Don't put your children in the same situations they are in at school, you have the choice to do something different, don't make the same mistakes that the schools do. If your child likes work books fine, if not, find their intelligence, or learning style and run with it.

Read: "Seven times smarter" by Laurel Schmidt
this has 50 activities and games and things for all the intelligences and they all teach really well and help the children remember not for just the moment but for their lives.

books by Howard Gardner, and Thomas Armstrong about the multiple intelligences. I read them over the summer and they totally changed how I lesson plan.
Think of this contrast.
1. Teaching your child the times tables at a table with a chart or with flash cards and they are squirming and fidgeting and forgetting everything you tell them the next day.
2. Teaching the times tables by have them skip count, standing when the number is (even, multiple of three...) sitting when it isn't.
3. Teaching times tables by jump roping to the rhythm of the pattern. four times four is 16. and so on.
4. Having the child explain to another child the way that times works, and helping them in their own way teach it to another.
5. Making a photo album of things that your child sees that go with each multiplication fact. 4 groups of 4 skittles = 16 and so on

You get the point. Just because the school can't or won't teach to the children they way they learn doesn't mean we have to do the same thing. It may mean a little extra work at first but it is so worth the less stress during the teaching day!
Wink

Sorry I'm off my soap box now. Embarassed
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