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When Homeschooling Works

 
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janw1256
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Joined: 29 Aug 2007
Posts: 17

PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:00 am    Post subject: When Homeschooling Works Reply with quote

After some thought, I have decided that whether or not homeschooling will work is solely based on the parents. Some parents are able to homeschool, and some parents are not good teachers and should not homeschool.

Whether or not the parents have healthy relationships is an issue that I think should be a factor in whether or not you homeschool. My mother did not have healthy relationships with many homeschool mothers in our area and therefore, taught my siblings and I bad relational skills. Had we gone to school, I am convinced that we would have found more sympathy from the people there.

So, I guess I see having healthy relationships as a huge priority. If you are homeschooling and you are not talking and learning how to better school from other homeschool mothers, then you are in a dangerous spot. If you don't spend a lot of time with people outside of the school hours, then you are isolating yourselves and narrowing your thinking incredibly.

I believe God created us for community and I think that homeschooling should be done within a community. So, I do not think it is healthy when parents homeschool who are not plugged into a community. I think parents should spend time discussing how to school and what methods work, like you do on here, except in person too.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on my ideas?
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seekingmyLord
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Joined: 04 Jul 2007
Posts: 231
Location: Standing in the radiance of His glory.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think when generalizing isolated incidents or circumstances, even our own, that we conclude erroneously that it must apply to all.

I have been observing and researching homeschooling from many angles for 20 years and I have yet to find a particular formula that makes a child more capable or less capable to socialize when compared to those who went to schools. Perhaps because you did not really have a "school experience," you feel you have missed out, that you are not what the experience would have helped shaped you to be. However, I say you make your own experiences what you want to make of them. Being in school,... yeah, there is a lot of other children that would be there, but the majority of them will not be your friends and even if you were the most popular one there, as soon as you graduate --POP!-- your bubble bursts and then you are just you, without the school environment to validate who you are and you find that many of those friends you had in school were only friends while you were in school. I have been one of the ignored in one school to one of the most popular when I moved but I still chose to sit with others who were ignored and lonely, because I had more compassion for them than I had concerns over being with the "in" crowds and that compassion, which was so uncool in school, was something that served me well outside of the school environment. I was who I was by choice. I am who I am now by choice. You are who you are now by choice.

In my younger years of childhood, I had a very dysfunctional/abusive family, one that definitely should not have homeschooled for the sake of the children even if they had thought about it, but my childhood experience with them does not reflect on my opinions of homeschooling or public schooling. I realize that my own experience was simply that: "my own experience." I don't know that many people who don't blame their parents for something, even those with really good families. However, I stopped that cycle in my life. I don't blame my parents for who I am today because God has shown me that I have the choice to be who I am today and who I wish to be tomorrow.

I am saying this delicately, as I hold your hand and look into your eyes, which I obviously cannot do through a message board, but I think what you are doing is reaching out to us because you feel a deep, inner need. I feel from your words that you are trying to come to terms with or find a fix for your own challenges that you blame on homeschooling and your parents. All I can tell you is that once you forgive, really let go, and begin to realize that what you do today is what you choose to do, what you think is what you choose to think, who you are is what you choose to be, you will not be free of it. If you continue to try to save others from your own perceived plight, you won't really save yourself from the entrapment of your blame on others. Been there, done that myself. God has provided all that you need; all you need to do is accept what He has already given you.
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janw1256
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Joined: 29 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 5:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi seekingmylord,

Thanks so much for your post. It was really encouraging. I guess I am not quite sure what to say, because I suddenly realize how strange it is posting on a board where you don't know who you are talking to. I guess I only go on here when I am bored anyway.
So, I will not try to save anyone from homeschooling. I realize I only come on here also when I am feeling bitter, and am not portraying how I actually feel most of the time.
God has changed my life a lot. I guess the main reason I am bitter about homeschooling is this - I am an extrovert and I love being around people. It drains me and depresses me to be alone excessively. Growing up, I was the only extrovert in my family in the basement and I literally drove them nuts. Even so, they did not provide me with the attention I needed as being an extrovert and I was drained.
When I went to school, I suddenly felt needed by people who were like me and it was amazing. I suddenly realized that I was an important person and there were people like me who needed extroverted people.
So, this is why I am bitter about homeschooling. I had an extroverted need and it was not met. Yet, God allowed it to happen so He will use it in my life. Anyway, I hope ya'll have a wonderful Christmas! I will pray that we can all follow God's direction in our lives so that we can truly be who He wants us to be!
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janw1256
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 5:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, one last thing. The people you meet in school may not necessarily be life-long friends, but they provide fun times while you are at school. Some people just like to be with people and have fun. Some people do not think about whether or not the people they are with at school will be life-long friends. Some people just like to talk and be with people, and that is how they function and work. I like to work with people, not alone. I get my drive from people, they are what motivate me.
So, maybe homeschooling is just a war of extroverts against introverts? (hehehehehe)
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janw1256
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One last thing, so, yes I feel that I missed out by not being with people at school. I missed out on the extroverted need in my heart - to be with people. I missed out on working with people who were extroverts and valued the social experience more than the working experience. That is what I feel I missed out on, but that does not direct my life now. Now, I live for the social experience and let people drive me to do more than I ever did in the basement. And, I highly love and respect introverts - maybe that is something I would not have learned to do had I not been around them so much.
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janw1256
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, one last thing, I guess the hardest part for me to get over after being homeschooled was accepting that I was an extrovert. I had come to believe that I wasn't, b/c I did not act like one growing up unless I was at home. So, I had to quite believing this lie and accept that I needed people to drive me. I had to quite being scared of other extroverts.
Seriously, while I was homeschooled, I thought of every excuse available not to do schoolwork and bothered my sisters so much and drove them nuts. So, my mother resorted to making me sit alone and do schoolwork and instead I drew pictures and went to the computer to do stuff.
The greatest moments in my life growing up were family vacations, because then I was with people every moment and we were talking every moment. I loved it. Those are some of the best memories from my childhood.
So, I believe God gave me this desire for a reason, otherwise I would not love people the way I do. It is not wrong to be an extrovert, is it? It is not wrong to need to be with people, is it?
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elliemaejune
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Joined: 30 Oct 2006
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Location: The Fireswamp

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 12:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

janw1256 wrote:
So, I believe God gave me this desire for a reason, otherwise I would not love people the way I do. It is not wrong to be an extrovert, is it? It is not wrong to need to be with people, is it?


No, of course it isn't wrong to need to be with people, nor to be an extrovert.

But here's something else to think about:

I wonder if it's possible that your extrovertedness could have been a danger to you when you were a child, that you might have been more easily led astray had you been in a classroom situation. Being at home, primarily with your family, might have been a protection for you.

My younger dd is an extrovert. If I had allowed her to go to school, she would have been the head cheerleader, the class president, everything...and she would have been lost. She'll tell you that now. I tried to find outlets for her that were age-integrated and adult-controlled: Scottish highland dance, ballet, 4-H. Of course, there were Missionettes and Pioneer Clubs and AWANA. She is a ballet teacher today, BTW Smile

Conversely, my older dd was an introvert, and *she* will tell you the same thing that you are feeling: that she "should" have been around people more, that she should *not* have had as much time alone as she did. (I was so thankful for hsing because she had the freedom to read books in her room as much as she wanted to.) When she was 16, she chose to go to cosmetology school, because by being a stylist she would be required to be more extroverted.

I hope you can come to terms with how God made you--an extrovert--and find some value in the enforced alone time you spent as a child. I suspect that you would still have bothered your sisters and drove them nuts, lol.
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seekingmyLord
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Joined: 04 Jul 2007
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Location: Standing in the radiance of His glory.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

janw1256, I am hearing what you are saying because I can well imagine my one and only daughter saying the same things in her coming teenage years. She is very outgoing, much more so than my husband and I are. People are never strangers to her; All are friends, it is just that there are some she has not yet met. I am concerned about this part of her life, but I have complete faith in God, that He will provide and shape her life according to His plan for her.

My daughter is a performer, she shines in the limelight. She gives the most amazing piano performances for a child her age and it is not just her talent, but her personality. On the flip side, she also tends to go with the crowd even if the crowd is doing something that she is not supposed to do. The more people around her, the more she likes to fit into the flow and doesn't realize that she is heading for hot water. As long as a number of people around her are cheering it on, she is all for it too. Yet with small groups of children, my daughter is the one who will tell a child straight out when he is doing something wrong. As a parent, I see smaller groups of children as the wiser choice for my daughter.

I don't know what you were like as a child, but I am certain that you have unique experiences that will serve you and the Lord in ways you cannot foresee at this time. I know this because I am 47 years old and I have seen this scenario many times in my own life. I was abused as a child...ruined. Those years of abuse lived with me for more years and I made poor choices as a teenage and young adult because I just could not see a way to dig myself out of that pit. I needed to have control--but, through these experiences, God has shown me that my idea of control is an illusion and when I gave up that control to Him, then I was at peace with where I was led and what I was to be doing, even if it was not what I thought I wanted to do at the time.

God's work is ongoing. He meets you where you are, not were we think we need to be to meet Him. My daughter will probably describe her childhood as lonely--well, we all are lonely at times, but if all goes as I hope, this will be her worse thing. We all find fault with something. It might seem that I have more with which to find to fault in my life than you, but I always say the worse thing for you was your worse thing. It may have not been like mine but it was still your worse thing, so I never discount a complaint--however, I would also point out that when we complain, we are also blaming someone (or Someone) and...hurting our own selves in the process of doing it, because we have not really forgiven the one (or One) are we are blaming.

The very worse thing is when a person doesn't realize she is causing her own worse thing.
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