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schoolymum
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Joined: 19 Jan 2006
Posts: 35
Location: england

PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 2:09 pm    Post subject: bullying Reply with quote

hi all.

my 5 year old keeps bullying my 3 year old,I am afraid I have over reacted,I wondered if anyone here can guide me on how to help this situation subside?


both boys are homeschooled.

thankx in advance

amanda
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Ceres
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Joined: 30 May 2007
Posts: 23
Location: The Prairie State

PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 8:14 am    Post subject: Re: bullying Reply with quote

schoolymum wrote:
hi all.

my 5 year old keeps bullying my 3 year old,I am afraid I have over reacted,I wondered if anyone here can guide me on how to help this situation subside?


both boys are homeschooled.

thankx in advance

amanda
-censored-


I would give you advice if I could but my 2 yr. old bullies my 6.5 yr. old and 3.5 yr. old. Confused

But I'll keep watching this thread - maybe someone has advice for me too. Wink
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schoolymum
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Joined: 19 Jan 2006
Posts: 35
Location: england

PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh realy?

now i know its normal for broters and sisters to fight,but with my 2 its been getting a bit crazy.

any advice,honestly so appreciated


amanda
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Sunnymom
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Joined: 07 Jul 2007
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 3:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is one of the rules of our house that we do not hurt one another with unkind words or actions. When the kids were younger, we had an "If/Then" chart- if you broke certain rules, then a predictable consequence followed befitting that misbehavior. The consequence was always something that pushed that particular child's 'buttons', and it was as unpleasant as I could make it.

Consistency and modeling good behavior oneself are also keys to helping children understand the proper way to treat others. For example, if you and your dh fight in front of the kids, then the kids will feel free to fight with each other, know what I mean? Don't lose your cool with your kids- one can't teach kids self-control when one can't keep one's own temper (not that you are doing any of that- those are just examples from my own life Rolling Eyes )
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Lily
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Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 427

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 4:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sit down on the floor near them. The first one who comes over to you with "mmmmmoooooooooooommmmmmmmm!" gets first turn:

Kid A: Mom! He won't let me........."

Mom: Do you like that?

Kid A (looking at you like you're stupid): NO!

Mom: Tell him that.

Kid A to Kid B: I don't like it when you_____.

Kid B: So?

Mom: What's a good plan, Stan?

Kid A: I want you to stop.

Mom: Ok, what's a solution, you two?

And brainstorm together - kids doing 90% of the work, mom giving advice and an idea or two if nothing else seems to be acceptable.
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momo3boys
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Joined: 14 Feb 2006
Posts: 574
Location: Western Mass

PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I make the offender do a chore for the offendee. If they are both at fault I have them sit at the table and the first person to tell me what THEY di wrong gets to get up. They can't tell me what the other person did, just own up to their fault.

Or you could use my husband's tactics. He tied them together. a rope wrapped around each waist. The more they fought, the shorter the rope got. The better they got along, the longer it got until they finally could take it off. Now when they fight, dad asks "do i need to get the rope?" amazingly they work it out themselves. They are a little older though, 9 and 7. Wink
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StellarStory
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Joined: 15 Apr 2007
Posts: 472

PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hard to deal with but kids need to be told the rules over and over. When my kids got in trouble both were subject to the same age appropriate consequences. It does usually take two to tango.

They still treat each other better than any other two siblings I know. They have to be taught to treat the other with kindness and respect.

At that age a reasonable behavior chart can be a great help. They can earn instant rewards like a gold star and save those up for a long term reward like a game with Mom, a trip to the park or whatever they are into. Just make it within their grasp and not too hard.

This sort of thing helps with developing good habits and letting go of bad ones.
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bittersweet
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Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 18
Location: Louisiana

PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 5:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lily wrote:
Sit down on the floor near them. The first one who comes over to you with "mmmmmoooooooooooommmmmmmmm!" gets first turn:

Kid A: Mom! He won't let me........."

Mom: Do you like that?

Kid A (looking at you like you're stupid): NO!

Mom: Tell him that.

Kid A to Kid B: I don't like it when you_____.

Kid B: So?

Mom: What's a good plan, Stan?

Kid A: I want you to stop.

Mom: Ok, what's a solution, you two?

And brainstorm together - kids doing 90% of the work, mom giving advice and an idea or two if nothing else seems to be acceptable.


Basicly this. Mine are younger, so there is less talking and more doing, but I just walk them through it. It's really easy for us because I've been doing this for my first since he learned to talk, so he's pretty good at getting his point across to the baby. I very very rarely have to intervene.
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