My dd wants to go back to public school - what do I do

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My dd wants to go back to public school - what do I do

Postby shelley43022 » Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:16 pm

We started homeschooling this year with our oldest dd. She is in 4th grade. We didn't have any problem whatsoever with the school, and as a matter of fact this is the school I went to and absolutely loved as a child. We decided to give hs a try because private school was too expensive and we wanted her to have a christian education. Dd wanted to come home because she didn't like to get up in the morning, do homework or get along with the other girls. The teachers said she was a joy to have and did everything she was asked to do. The first two weeks were great, but now it is a major struggle. She still doesnt want to get up in the morning or do any of her work. She and her sisters fight all day and there is never one moment of peace and quiet. She is very clingy and actually hangs from my clothes most of the time (this is a new behavior) I have resorted to reading everything to her and asking her the answers and filling them in myself. she is learning and retaining it but she misses school so much. She misses the normal things like friends, parties, busrides and the like but she also misses things like pe class, music class, spanish club and her math curriculum. The school has decided to let her attend pe, music and art. We will be sending her back for those next week. Part of me thinks she will have the best of both worlds that way and the other part thinks whats the point in sending her back for half of the week. To be completely honest I wanted to keep the girls home with me to be safe. No worries about germs or predators or learning bad words. I can't imagine my youngest two never having a first day of school or riding the bus or any of the great things they learned in school. I dont know if I have given them a gift or just taken something great away from them. They are all social butterflies. DH says no going back till at least next year, but I am afraid of her education slipping with her unwillingness to do the work. I know he will never let us homeschool again if she goes back for a few years, it took me years to get him to agree to homeschool and he is very upset at the thought of wasting the money. He is a major tightwad. I dont feel the curriculum will be wasted though because dd was always wanting more workbooks to do on the weekends and in the summer anyway. I also dont want to hurt the feelings of the people in our homeschool group as they have been so great to us. I think they should go back to public school till middle and high school and then transfer to private school. I don't like our public middle and high school. I am afraid all they will do is worry about clothes, boys and the like. I don't know what to do, any suggestions would be much appreciated.



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Re: My dd wants to go back to public school - what do I do

Postby Ramona » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:19 pm


Did you start homeschooling for a Christian education; or to protect your kids from germs, predators and bad words; or did you want to free your daughter from getting up on someone else's schedule, doing busywork, and getting along with other girls?

Can you let her sleep in as late as she wants to, at least for the first 4 months? Can you let her try an educational approach that doesn't require homework-like worksheets, pages to fill in, assigned reading, etc? Can you trust that she can get an education without those trappings?

You say all your kids are social butterflies, yet they fight with each other all day and there's never a moment of peace and quiet. Maybe instead of being thrown into the institutional-school "swimming hole" of learning to socialize by the sink-or-swim method, they need to actually be taught some good manners and appropriate treatment of others--starting with the immediate family.

The new behavior: does she remember that she didn't like getting up for school, doing the homework, and dealing with the "mean girls"? Can she appreciate that she has been freed from those things? (Has she? Do you really want her to be?)

You say it seems normal to you for a homeschooled child to miss friends, parties and busrides, and that you can't imagine your little ones "never having a first day of school or riding the bus or any of the great things they learn." Can your daughter maintain her friendships with public school kids without being inside the school all day? Can she invite them to a party? You found a helpful homeschool support group. Can she have friends, parties, and trips with other homeschooled kids?

You need to decide what you really want for your kids and how to get it. If a first day of school and a bus are that important, maybe homeschooling isn't for you. On the other hand, if you really want them to get that Christian education, maybe the bus ride could be a field trip you take to the home of a bus driver you happen to know. Maybe that first day of school could be postponed until they go to college.

I believe you can teach your own kids all those "great things" that kids learn at public school--and you can make them even greater and better! But you have to believe it and be determined and do it.

Can she do PE and music at home or with a homeschool co-op? Can she study Spanish at home or with other homeschoolers? Can she use the same math curriculum at home that they were using at the public school?

Did your husband want your daughter to have a Christian education, or did you wear him down over the years? Can you try an educational approach that isn't expensive? Library books, observing nature, using things you already have around the house, etc?

The feelings of the people in the homeschool group should be your very last concern. No, they shouldn't concern you at all. It's important to be self-confident and to have the courage of your convictions. It is important to treat other people politely, but not to base our behavior on someone else's wants. We have to make our choices based on what's best for our own families.


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Re: My dd wants to go back to public school - what do I do

Postby seekingmyLord » Mon Nov 05, 2007 5:29 am

Ramona, I am just in awe of your response. I want to frame it! :)

shelley43022 wrote:She is very clingy and actually hangs from my clothes most of the time (this is a new behavior)

Shelley, of all the things you said, when you add this one statement in the mix, a big red flag went up for me. We all fear the concept, but rarely do we recognize the real signs.

There is no delicate way to suggest this, so please take in the spirit I am giving it, which is in concern for your daughter and your family: Either your daughter is becoming the reflection of your fears or it may be that something has already happened to her. That she is clinging to you suggests that she feels safe with you and that she is fearing something and perhaps finally feels safe enough to act out that fear. As strange as that sounds, a child can hide something away as long she is involved with other things to keep her mind occupied, but will eventually show certain signs when in a safe environment for a time with less distractions--such as homeschooling provides.

Just a thought for you to consider.... having a special day for spending alone with your daughter just doing some things most girls like to do and allowing for some real girl talk might be something worth doing, even if there is nothing to be concerned about.

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Postby ncmom » Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:01 am

I agree Christian schools are to expensive and I commend you on wanting to give your kids a Christian education. However, you have to do it because it is what is best for your kids. In my opinion it is completely the parents choice on where their children go to school. My kids can complain until the cows come home but I will not send them back to PS. Their father and I agree they are better off at home and that is where they are going to stay. I think if you feel your daughter is better off at home you should keep her there. She needs to know you are in charge and you have made a decision based on what you feel is in her best interest.

Question...who is in charge? You or your daughter? If my children decide they don't want to do their work that is fine but they aren't going to get up from the table until they do do it. The TV is off along with radios, computers, and any other form of entertainment, and if they are being exceptionally argumentative that day they may stay off. If she isn't getting up in the mornings then maybe you should try putting her to bed earlier. It isn't going to hurt her to get some extra sleep. As far as your kids fighting. That is going to happen sometimes no matter how well behaved your children are. I would recommend separating them. I wouldn't let them have fun during this separation time though, they shouldn't be rewarded for acting ugly to each other.

When it comes to the whole I miss school thing. I think that is an excuse she is using to play on your emotions. Kids aren't dumb and learn at an early age how to press their parents buttons. I would stick it out. My kids have very few HS friends. Most of their friends go to PS. Can't she remain friends with any she has already made? Can she make new friends? Does she even want friends or is this a way of making you feel guilty? I only say that because I have one child that couldn't care less about having friends. And how many mean girls were there. If it was only one girl giving her a hard time, well then how is she going to work in the world later in life. There are always "mean" people to deal with.

As far as not getting to do what the PS kids do is riding a bus really that important? My kids went to PS for a while too and never rode one, not even on field trips because I went and they were allowed to ride with me. Can't you have your own parties? We do! We have a Halloween, Christmas, Easter, and Bday parties every year. Plus we have a beginning of the year BBQ and an end of the year bash. We also have field trips throughout the year. We just invite a handful of other HS'ers to go with us and have a small outing. Just because they aren't in PS doesn't mean they can't do things outside of school work like the PS kids do. It is one of the things that makes having them home so great, you get to decide.

You said you want to protect them from germs, bad words, ect. I do have a small concern about that. We at my house believe it is one thing to be of the world (because of our Christian beliefs) but it is a whole different ballgame to live in the world. Your kids need to be able to decide what is right and wrong when living in the world. They need to know that they are going to hear that language but it is not acceptable for them to use it. And germs...they are everywhere. I completely understand the whole nasty restroom thing and the kids passing whatever disease is going around to each other. In fact my kids haven't been sick with anything other than a seasonal cold since I brought them home. But you can't make your kids scared of everything that might have germs either. The predators, I understand that completely too, but parents can be overprotective. Kids can pick up on that and that may be why she is hanging from you. If you voice your concerns in front of your kids they are going to mirror your concerns, feelings, and actions.

I guess it boils down to why did you really pull her out of school. Did you pull her out because you thought it was what was best for her or did you pull her out because she wore you down and you were tired of hearing the whining and dealing with the constant battle of mornings and things like that? No one here is going to be able to answer any of these questions for you. Ultimately it is up to you and you have to make a decision. I will say this if you were planning on either HS or sending her to private school for middle and high school then what is 2 years? She would have started middle school in 2 years anyway so why not start now before hormones really kick in and you have a teenager on your hands. OH and girls worrying about boys and clothes...that is normal and is more than likely going to happen no matter where they go to school.

But these are just my opinions and you have to decide for yourself what is best for you.

Good luck!

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Postby Ramona » Tue Nov 06, 2007 1:21 pm

seekingmyLord wrote:Ramona, I am just in awe of your response. I want to frame it! :)

Well, thank you! :oops: I appreciate the validation.


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