Frustration

Share everyday things like field trips, homeschooling experiences, or just anything that doesn't seem to belong elsewhere!

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seekingmyLord
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Postby seekingmyLord » Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:45 pm

laurabeth wrote:My #1 point that seems to keep getting lost here is that everyone on this board should know what its like to be looked down on or had things said about because of 1 thing about them......homeschool, something we all have in common. So knowing how much you hate being in that situation why would you want to put others in that situation because of another part of them?

Addressing your #1 point:
I guess I am the exception to your stereotype of homeschoolers (See, we all do it!) and I suppose I could be offended by the fact that you have grouped me with other people who feel offended by others who don't get homeschooling, but I am not. Certainly there are people who have done this to me, but that rarely makes me feel anything but pity for them and their ignorance.

I am not trying to attack you. I am just trying to give you a different perspective on your argument.

Lily
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Postby Lily » Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:47 pm

laurabeth wrote:I really cant believe how out of hand this has gotten. If I could I would delete the whole thread! I am sorry but I don't think it is to much to ask to think about what you say before you say it. Isnt that what we teach our kids? I teach mine that....... or how bout if you have nothing good to say dont say anything......


The thing is, Laurabeth, is that you created this post without much chance of changing what you perceive to be wrong. By not giving specifics, and not dealing with issues as they come up, it leaves everyone bewildered and feeling attacked.

I teach my kids that when there is a problem, it is dealt with immediately. To me, that is a much more relevant life lesson that "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". People are going to say not-nice things; it's human nature and sometimes the situation calls for it. Dealing with the issues as they happen, instead of letting things build up and calling it up all at once is MORE important.
"The greatest sign of success for a teacher... is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist."
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ncmom
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Postby ncmom » Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:21 pm

Lily wrote:
laurabeth wrote:I really cant believe how out of hand this has gotten. If I could I would delete the whole thread! I am sorry but I don't think it is to much to ask to think about what you say before you say it. Isnt that what we teach our kids? I teach mine that....... or how bout if you have nothing good to say dont say anything......


The thing is, Laurabeth, is that you created this post without much chance of changing what you perceive to be wrong. By not giving specifics, and not dealing with issues as they come up, it leaves everyone bewildered and feeling attacked.


Thank you Lily, this is exactly what I was trying to get across with both of my posts.
Laurabeth, I do hope you went back and read my original post like I suggested in my response to you.

laurabeth
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Postby laurabeth » Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:29 pm

seekingmyLord wrote:
laurabeth wrote:My #1 point that seems to keep getting lost here is that everyone on this board should know what its like to be looked down on or had things said about because of 1 thing about them......homeschool, something we all have in common. So knowing how much you hate being in that situation why would you want to put others in that situation because of another part of them?

Addressing your #1 point:
I guess I am the exception to your stereotype of homeschoolers (See, we all do it!) and I suppose I could be offended by the fact that you have grouped me with other people who feel offended by others who don't get homeschooling, but I am not. Certainly there are people who have done this to me, but that rarely makes me feel anything but pity for them and their ignorance.

I am not trying to attack you. I am just trying to give you a different perspective on your argument.


Just to not be misunderstood, I was said that "everyone on this board should know.....because of 1 thing about them......... homeschool, something we all have in common", meaning we(we meaning homeschoolers) all have homeschooling in common. If saying all homeschoolers have homeschooling in common is a non-factual statement I guess I am completely clueless and need to re-think teaching my children. And even if it made you feel nothing but pitty for them you still felt something. I never said what was felt, experienced, thought, or anything like that, I said we know what its like to be put down or been "talked about" negatively, what you feel and I feel is as individual as we are and I never said it wasn't.


If I wasn't clear enough in my last post I will make it clearer, I GIVE UP! I am done having my statements misinterpreted and twisted and taken out of context. I tried to do a good thing and no one wants to hear it, so stereotype on and who cares what happens in the process. I will pick fights in individual posts about unfair stereotypes that people could easily avoid making if they thought about it, if I decide to continue participating at all. I will certainly be less apt to defend homeschooling in its entirety after this for sure though, why defend something in general when I obviously don't "fit" the mold......... Enjoy!

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seekingmyLord
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Postby seekingmyLord » Wed Sep 12, 2007 5:29 am

Laurabeth, I understand your frustration and I believe I understand from where it comes. Here is a piece of advice a wise person told me once: To change something in someone else, you must first change something within yourself.

To stop being frustrated and disappointed in people, I learned not to expect other people to do the things I think they should, but to accept each person where he/she is at that moment. If I can help the person, I do. If I cannot, I do not expect his/her circumstances to change at all because I did nothing to change them.

So, if my sole contribution was telling everyone to "play nice," I certainly would not expect them to do so particularly because I really did not invest anything of myself to change the circumstances.

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Postby Theodore » Wed Sep 12, 2007 8:14 am

Everyone needs to calm down a bit and have a group hug. I think this is more a failure to communicate than a disagreement per se, and we're hopefully all on the same side.

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Postby twiggybumble » Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:02 am

Well, my time this morning is limited, so let me start by saying that I did not read each individual post, but rather enough so that I feel I have an understanding of what's being discussed.

To laurabeth- I think most, if not all, people can relate to where you are coming from with your feelings of frustration. I know I can. We live in a world where more and more, individualism is brought tumbling down. All around us, we stereotype constantly, as one poster said, "to make sense of the world." Its a human trait, one that allows us to have memory, as well, by grouping things we know together with new things, to build our knowledge and understanding of that new thing.

You strike me as a sensitive person. That is certainly not meant to be a stereotype, simply an observation. I personally am a sensitive person. How much of my idea that you are sensitive, as well, is based on empathy? How much is based on actual knowledge? This is the heart of this issue, in my opinion.

Many times, I have talked with people online or in "real life" who will tend to put me into a box; and many times, this has frustrated me, as well. But my reaction to that frustration is simply to acknowledge that a particular person needs to "think outside of the box". Allow me to briefly rant what I mean..

I had my son at 18, totally single, having left a bad relationship and needing some serious "me time" to learn to demand much better for myself. Everyone from my parents to doctors to people on the streets "stereotyped" me as a young girl who would not put her child first, who needed to grow up, etc. Well.. I knew different, and by and by, I "proved them all wrong" so to speak. Whether or not they actually knew they were being contradicted; or for that matter, whether or not they even cared, was not my concern. I knew I was doing the best I could, and how I felt, each little intricate emotion of love. Therefore, I didn't seek their approval in the first place. Does this mean that things didn't hurt my feelings? Absolutely not. However, feelings are part of being alive, part of being a resident of Earth, in my opinion.

My other point is that I feel its important for each soul to express who they are, what they think, etc, whenever they choose. Naturally, through this process, people will tend to "stereotype" others, even themselves. IMO, if you limit that process by using only language and sentence structure that is completely politically correct, then you often lose your point in the first place amid all of the whish-wash. Certainly, I do not personally feel it is any person's right to degrade or humiliate another person; but I do feel it is every person's right to say what they think, regardless of whether or not they know what they are talking about, and regardless of whether or not they have each minute detail of a thing. After all, that is the reason conversations are often two-sided, and often continue for several sentences, IMO.

I would lastly like to echo many of the posters that I've read by saying that I encourage you to continue posting, and stating your precise views and opinions, so that everyone here can get a more clear sense of who you are as an individual. I would also encourage you to remember that whomever offended you, they are also very much an individual, and likely just need to be able to elaborate on what exactly they were trying to say in order for you to feel understanding.

I love these boards! :)

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Postby twiggybumble » Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:09 am

seekingmyLord wrote:Laurabeth, I understand your frustration and I believe I understand from where it comes. Here is a piece of advice a wise person told me once: To change something in someone else, you must first change something within yourself.

To stop being frustrated and disappointed in people, I learned not to expect other people to do the things I think they should, but to accept each person where he/she is at that moment. If I can help the person, I do. If I cannot, I do not expect his/her circumstances to change at all because I did nothing to change them.

So, if my sole contribution was telling everyone to "play nice," I certainly would not expect them to do so particularly because I really did not invest anything of myself to change the circumstances.



Beautifully written :)


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