Help Issue 5 - Part II - Copyright 1989 Mary Pride, 1997 Home Life, Inc.
AND GOD MADE AUNTIES TOO!
Glenda Pohle, Queensland, Australia. Quoted from
Above Rubies, April 1988 (Volume 3, Number 10). Used by
permission.
For myself, being a wife and mother have not as yet been God's gifts to me, but there has been special joy in being an Aunty-both naturally and honorary.
My brother and his wife lovingly share their three beautiful daughters with me and although I have always lived in another town from them, we treasure a special bond.
"When is Aunty coming home?" is a never-ending question, and in between we all enjoy writing letters and making occasional phone calls. My kitchen wall is adorned with priceless works of art and thoughtful notes, lovingly penned in big letters-all done especially for "Aunty Glenda" and of course never thrown away.
Being part of a local church family is a wonderful support structure for any single person and a constant source of delightful little boys and girls who just love to adopt an "extra" Aunty. These little ones have brought me such pleasure as they exercise their own little ministries of friendship, caring and sharing. I love the hours spent in teaching them too-perhaps in Sunday School, other times showing them how to tie bows, make pikelets, or maybe how to forgive a hurt or sing a new song.
There's a simplicity of life to be learned from children. Aunties need to be willing to receive the unexpected -like the spontaneously joyful hug, albeit from a runny-nosed, grubby-fingered admirer! These are the gifts that make being an Aunty so meaningful.
Now an Aunty should keep a few things "just in case"-there's usually a few odds and ends in my handbag. At home, my fridge is known to harbor a colony of Fredo Frogs in the bottom drawer and a Toy Box composed mainly of cast-offs comes in so very handy when friends visit. Sometimes there just "happens" to be a Lucky Dip in the Toy Box too. And of course a cat (or other pet) brings fellowship-until he tires of cuddles and affection.
To those ladies, whether single or married, who feel unfulfilled by not being mothers-don't waste the days dreaming of what may not be God's calling for you. Reach out and enjoy the children who cross your path today. They and you will be blessed and enriched when your lives touch.
I am most thankful to the many parents who share their children with me-for making me a very happy Aunty.
Isn't this Aunty wonderful? As both these last two articles show so clearly, infertile and unmarried women can have a tremendously fulfilling ministry to lots of children, rather than becoming obsessed with the marriage and/or children they don't have. It's another case of blooming where you are planted-AND wonderful training for when/if God does give you a husband and children of your own!
Bill and I got this kind of practice looking after a little girl named Tina years ago when we were a young, temporarily infertile couple. Tina's mother and father had both abandoned her, so she was being raised by her Aunty Glenda. Since Glenda had night classes, we volunteered to watch Tina then, as well as to drive her to her Christian school. It was a learning experience for all of us, and Tina enjoyed the attention and the chocolate chip cookies we made together in the evenings!
And no, I haven't the faintest idea what a pikelet, or a Fredo Frog, or a Lucky Dip, is. Any Aussies out there care to enlighten me?
BREASTFEEDING
Joanie Etter, OR
I know you're all for breastfeeding. Sometimes, it seems like so is everybody else. Much progress has been made but many Christian women still fall far behind in this area. To put it bluntly, I feel it is wrong, to the point of sin, not to breastfeed. To not use the biological method chosen to nourish a baby is out of God's order of things. I have never heard any teaching on this subject. Many women treat this as another one of their "rights." How many Christian women's support groups or how many seminars or church classes are offered on the subject? And why not? There is a lot to know in order to be successful at it.
I am shocked at all the misinformation I hear. Once again the enemy gains a foothold, because a great breastfeeding situation paves the way for great mothering.
A word about nursing and child spacing-you are so wonderful to mention this in your book, but I wish you could continue the discussion in Part II. In order to gain maximum benefit from breastfeeding as birth control, artificial nipples (pacifiers and bottles) should not be used and the baby must nurse throughout a 24-hour period. In other words, when a baby wants to suck, he should always be put to the breast, both day and night. The hideous practice of "letting a baby cry it out" would no longer be an option. (Unfortunately, many well-meaning parents employ this behavior modification technique.) ...
Pamela Boswell, CA
About breastfeeding and early conception: All of my children have been breastfed until they decided to stop. My menstrual cycles usually return when the baby is about a year old. Even with my earlier babies we did not use contraception during the first year as it seemed to be "safe."
We "tried" to get pregnant with our third child as soon as my periods started when our second was a year old. It took two cycles for me to become pregnant, but it all seemed so mechanical because we were "trying" almost every day and there was very little spontaneity or romance. The reason we were trying so hard was because our second child's birthday was December 3, and we didn't want the inconvenience of another birthday at holiday time.
Well, our third was due in October, but wasn't born until November, so now we have three birthdays during the holidays (including my husband's). So, from this experience I think it's rather foolish to try too hard to conceive and plan when your child should arrive.
That particular pregnancy was very difficult as I was still nursing two children and I ended up being in bed with a breast abscess for a month on top of my usual early-pregnancy nausea. My second and third children are only 23 months apart, and I don't think I was quite ready for that. I remember it as a very stressful time.
My conclusion is that it is just as important not to rush God's timing as it is not to try to delay it. It is best just to leave it all in His hands. . . . I believe the spacing provided through breastfeeding is God's way of preparing our bodies and hearts for a new baby. Just as we decide to accept however many babies God wants to give us, we also need to accept it when he decides not to give us one when we want one. Eventually the time will come when He will not give us any more.
Martha Pugacz, OH
Our only close ones are #2 and #3. I weaned #2 early-I was young and selfish and wanted my sleep. He would get up every 2 hours for 8-1/2 months. My pet peeve was people who bragged, "My baby is on three meals a day!" My son was on five a night and day!! Once I matured, I never counted, just enjoyed the time alone with baby!
Tammy Alger, IL
In the McGuffey Readers, Book 2, are two poems on mothers and lullabies (Lessons LIX and LXXI). They both refer to breastfeeding your child to teach him to sleep and rest and for comfort, not just nutrition. It is of course because these books were written before bottlefeeding was invented.
In the Psalms it talks about a mother comforting her child at her breast.... Judy Pickens, CA
My older son nursed for about 2-1/2 years. My younger son nursed for almost four years. Now if there had been another sibling born that probably would have been shortened some. However, I believe that God gave babies a very strong sucking urge and this continues in young children for several years. Otherwise, why do we see three, four, and five-year-olds with thumbs in their mouths, or a pacifier or a bottle? ... We have found as time has passed that our boys have very good immune systems. They do not get childhood diseases and hardly ever get colds or flus, either. We attribute this to long-term breastfeeding, chiropractic care from birth, natural vitamins (usually), and much good home cooking from natural foods. Interestingly, our youngest son recovers from anything he does catch faster than anyone else in the family. I believe this is because of all the extra time he spent on mother's milk with all those antibodies.
Please don't get me wrong-both of my sons began eating some solids at around six months of age. They both continued to nurse for many months and years after that.
In Old Testament times children must have been nursed for years and not for months. In order for Moses to know of his history and culture he had to have stayed in his mother's house for years and not just for months. The same is true of Samuel. He must have been several years old when he was weaned and turned over to the priests to raise. Our culture has really messed up on this aspect of parenting. And the church is right there. It's getting to be more okay to nurse a baby, but what about nursing a walking, talking toddler?
Liz Lynn, MD
I get a lot of questions about toddler nursing such as, "How long do you plan on nursing him?" to which my reply is, "I haven't set a specific time, but I'm sure he'll wean before he leaves for college. If not, we'll just pick a place where I can resume my studies!" That shuts just about anybody up!
. . . AND NATURAL CHILD-SPACING
Liz Ensley, LA
You have received a few letters from people asking about what to do when breastfeeding doesn't delay periods. Ruth Beckett sure sounds like she knows the research on this topic, so what I say may not help, but I think it's good to point out that "total nursing" means no sucking on anything but the breast . . . and night feedings. A woman with a baby who sucks his thumb or sleeps a lot at night may need to "force feed" to get the amount of sucking to delay menstruation. I have the opposite experience from Ruth. Total breastfeeding gives me a long period of amenorrhea. After my first was born, I had twelve months period-free and then very irregular periods (probably many sterile) until I conceived when Beth was almost two. With my second, I am still period-free and David is almost two. In fact, we are beginning to really desire another baby, so we are praying I will become fertile again soon.
I share this to substantiate that what you say in The Way Home is true. God, in general, designed women's bodies to naturally space their children. It is quite likely that I need more space between my children than others do, so God spaces them farther apart.
I know this doesn't help Ruth, but it may help someone who is afraid to jump in and trust God to space her children.
I recently had the privilege of reviewing the galleys for the new edition of Sheila Kippley's book, Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing (formerly titled Ecological Breastfeeding). Along with a lot of warm, motherly counsel, Sheila Kippley has sorted out all the data on total breastfeeding, and tells you how to do it in such a way as to prolong the length of natural sterility after the birth of a baby. Her data is quite convincing, as are the comments from the large number of mothers she surveyed who were attempting total breastfeeding.
The book will be available quite soon from Couple to Couple League, PO Box 111184, Cincinnati, OH 45211. If you are interested, you can send an SASE for their free book brochure.
LA LECHE LEAGUE
Martha Pugacz, OH
La Leche League has changed a great deal. I went to four meetings in 1985 and most of them were working mothers. When I spoke as an older mother of seven, who has seven great testimonies (no drugs, cigarettes, bad company, etc.) they thought I was from outer space! They weren't interested. Yet, I remember when we delivered our Number 2 blessing in the hospital, I always hoped we'd have a large family-so I went to the woman who had just had Number 7 and asked her, "How does it feel to have seven," etc. etc. What a let down-she was not enthusiastic. Just as you said in The Way Home-many of the baby boomers were not having children out of conviction!
Joanie Etter, OR
I must mention La Leche League. Although this organization has some humanistic overtones and tends to be anti-spanking, there is no other group that I know of as pro-family and pro-mother as this one. (Why isn't the church stronger here?) When popular voices such as James Dobson appease the guilt of the working mother, LLL says "do anything to stay at home with your children." (Especially encouraging a frugal lifestyle and making money at home.) "Your baby needs you," is their constant theme. They give practical advice on how to live on a tight budget, month to month support for being a totally committed mother, and of course, help when it comes to the particulars of nursing...
I have a question about La Leche League that I wish someone out there would answer. A LLL leader told me that nobody who believes in spanking is allowed to be a LLL leader. Is this true? Whatever good LLL may do, I am very concerned about their equating spanking with child abuse. The law in every state provides that children of child abusers can be taken from their families. Thus, if the LLL view prevails, Christians who persist in Biblical discipline could lose our children. What profit is it to have support group meetings and breastfeeding help if the very same organization turns around and tries to remove our children?
Also, re James Dobson: For some reason, a lot of HELP readers write criticizing him. I agree that I would like to see Dr. Dobson take a more hard-line stance on some areas, but consider the alternatives! You have to admit that no one else is doing the job he is doing of trying to contain the anti-family oil spill in our culture. We personally are regular donors to Focus on the Family.
CHORES & ALLOWANCES
by Mary Pride
The "sifting time" of motherhood, when the children are mostly too young to help, is definitely the hardest period-especially if you fail to take a nap every day. And double especially if you are trying to be Supermom-creative, nurturing, serving others every second.
We combine the children's need for training with my need for help. I almost never pick up any of their toys. Whoever messes up, picks up-down to the two-year-old, and she started (cheerfully!) picking up at age 1. Ted (age 9) does the dishes and Sarah (age 5) sets the table. Joseph (age 7) vacuums the kitchen floor and cleans the table. They all help with baby-watching (I am nearby, of course) and general clean-up.
Now . . . how do we get them to do all this? Well, we do spank when someone absolutely refuses to do his or her job. But that is unusual. We have instead a family system of pay and praise. Nobody gets paid for cleaning up after himself; however, actual work not of the child's own making does get paid. I think this follows the two scriptural principles of "The worker is worthy of his hire" and "If a man will not work, let him not eat." We don't subsidize not-working with an allowance that gets paid regardless of the child's output, but we recognize his or her labor as valuable. We often schedule small tasks just before mealtime or some other desired activity and announce that we will eat (or whatever) when the job is finished. And pay is DOUBLED for work done with a cheerful attitude (!!!)
I try to pay fair wages, e.g., less than I would have had to pay an outsider, but not completely ridiculous wages like 5¢ for washing a whole family's dishes. Ted has saved enough to buy his pride and joy, an electric typewriter. Joe likes to buy items like binoculars. The little ones pick up on the older ones' example. I have noticed each child starting to help picking up at an earlier age.
We also try to make work a game (play basketball with the rolled-up socks and the laundry basket after folding the clothes), and stay on top of inspecting and rewarding it. Refusing to enforce your own orders is always fatal, and causes much more stress and unquiet. "If you discipline your son, he will give you rest."
Kathy von Duyke, DE
I don't make charts, stars, and all that. We have work periods-a big one before school, before dinner, and before bed. Some afternoons are times to learn a job. The kids do what I ask in those periods-if I forget something I make a note of it for the next time period. I keep a chart of chore needs in my notebook so I don't forget stuff.
I don't get paid for making my bed-my children need to know that work is part of everyday living. My son who just turned eight has earned a lot of money outside the home, saved it in a bank account, and is trying to think of a business idea. He has my admiration! I think that is the best incentive I can give him.
For poor attitudes about chores-we do not spank. This is childishness, not rebellion. They get more chores. That way they have more opportunities to practice having a good attitude!
MOM AND CHORES
D.T. NY
One great testimony from reading your book is I am faithful to do my dishes. Trivial? No way! I got pretty good at stacking and hiding. I would do anything rather than my dishes. I kept thinking, "There has to be a way out of this!" You know how simple and concrete God is-well, He gave me this great revelation for my dirty dishes -wash them! Can you believe that? I never would have come up with an answer like that all by myself. After seeing the kitchen clean for the third day in a row, my husband got suspicious. He looked around, grabbed my hand, and gently led me to the oven. Well, I gladly obliged. After all, I knew he would find it empty [of dirty dishes]. Praise God!
ALLOWANCES?
Martha Pugacz, OH
Our youngest, now 22, tells me this allowance idea does not teach how to manage money-"It just teaches you how to spend without working for it!"
HANDICAPPED CHILDREN
Judy Goshorn,
IN
I have been a "dedicated" Christian all my life, one who would probably be termed "fundamental" and maybe even "charismatic." However, when my husband and I were married, I was really against the idea of having children. I was happy, career-oriented, not used to children, and he (my husband) already had 9-year-old twin boys with whom I had some difficulties. Still, God in His mercy steered us away from any artificial birth control methods. We stayed childless for five years by the "natural" method. This also was by His mercy, because during those first years, I would have probably even entertained the idea of abortion. God forgive my ignorance!
But the Lord gradually turned my mind and by the time He gave us a child I could accept the fact, although I was shocked and very ambivalent. The ambivalence ended five months into the pregnancy when my appendix burst. After almost losing the baby, I knew that I wanted the child very much to live. More difficulties began at seven moths when, we assume, scar tissue from the surgery kept causing me to go into labor. So I had to be very careful and was on a labor-stopping drug. My son was born five weeks early, only 4-1/2 pounds, but quite healthy. The real miracle occurred when he was first put in my arms. My life changed so radically at that moment that I almost felt an internal sonic boom. I had been planning to return to work part-time as I had my own mother to do the babysitting, but my beloved career turned to dry ashes and I quit very soon.
Now six years and two more boys later, we have been homeschooling for about seven months. There has never been any other schooling option for us. My husband is a licensed high-school teacher, a Ph.D., and now a farmer. We were both agreed on the homeschooling issue, he from experience and me from my general rebelliousness. Although I myself am an only child, the more children I have the more I want, although the occasional sibling rivalries perplex me a bit.
However, there is an additional factor for us to consider. The genetic condition "extrodactly" runs in my family. This causes deformities of the hands and feet, the expression of which runs from a slight webbing between two fingers (as I have) to clawed hands and weakened, malformed feet (as my father has), and worse. But for some reason, I never gave the possibilities much thought. Doctors assured us that because of my scarcely noticeable condition, the problem was surely dying out. A lot they knew!
My first son was born physically perfect, and I blithely went on having children. My second son was born with two fingers fused by skin and a slight claw on one hand. We had the fingers surgically separated (a relatively minor trauma) and I blithely went on having children. Four months ago my third son was born-severely deformed. His hands are functional, but that is all that can be said positively about them. His lower legs are useless. One will be amputated above the knee and one below the knee. Specialists say that he will walk, run, climb, etc.-with artificial legs. Of course, we love this baby and the Lord has already taught us many things about sin, suffering, and the glory of heaven through him. The Lord has manifested His presence and truth to us in ways that wouldn't be possible in lighter circumstances. But can I go on having more children when I have a 50% chance (we know now) of bequeathing them a life of deformity, ridicule, and rejection such as my father has known?
Fortunately my deformed ancestors were all able to overcome their handicaps and lead a normal, successful life, so I have reason to hope my children will do the same. However, our resources are now divided among five children, some of whom will demand an excess of time, money, and emotional stress. The second son is not through with surgeries either. We are older-mid-30s and early 40s. We will never consider sterilization, but are we being good stewards of what we have if we don't at least take "natural" steps to regulate the size of our family? We are still sorting these things out and trusting that the Lord will guide us as He has done in the past. I am leaning toward letting Him choose the size of our family, but part of me still says that's like eating a whole cake and trusting God not to make you fat...
We have had to face the exact same issue, as our first son was born with severe problems that first cost him five weeks in a neonatal ICU, and then caused such severe muscular weakness that one nationally-known neurologist said his chances of either dying or being crippled for life were 96%. By God's grace, the neurologist was wrong, but we didn't know what would happen next. Doctors were advising us to avoid future pregnancies.
The fundamental issue, I feel, is "Is the body more important than the soul?" Frankly, I believe we are affected by our society's disdain for the physically unfashionable and non-perfect. God has no such value system. When we decide that we are doing a child a favor by denying him the chance of life because he might, or even WILL, have physical or mental problems, we are unconsciously repeating the lie that such children are not worthy of life. I seriously doubt if, in Heaven, one of these children will come up to us and say, "Wish I'd never been born."
About the rejection issue: You can be as thoroughly rejected and despised for your bulk, skin color, pimples, lack of wealth, social class, or ethnic group as for any physical deformity. Physically perfect people kill themselves every year because of such rejection. The rate of suicide among those handicapped from birth, though, is actually LOWER than that of the general population! The worst rejection occurs among schoolkids, anyway, and since you are homeschooling no child of yours will ever have to suffer the pain of persecution in the peer-group prison. (Note: Obviously your father didn't face total rejection, or he wouldn't have been your father! I know lots of physically perfect people who can't seem to get married . . . but paraplegic Joni Eareckson Tada has a husband!)
As far as the "resources" question: I've heard this a lot, and even thought it in the past, and it seems to me that the idea of us having limited resources that we must carefully hoard and dole out is another modern lie. "My God will supply ALL your needs in Christ Jesus"!. Several times in my mothering career I have felt that I absolutely had no more to give-and then God gave me ABUNDANTLY more than I had to begin with! God is not limited! Since He doesn't ask us to limit our welcome to children, it's HIS business to provide the resources-not ours to see them in place in advance. Money, in particular, should be the least of our worries, as God has promised to provide as much of that as we truly need.
It doesn't bother me at all to contemplate sacrificing myself for our children, including any handicapped children we might have. Frankly, I ADMIRE Mother Teresa's work, and it would be an HONOR to be chosen to do this kind of work in my own home! In any case, people like you and me HAVE the resources to deal with this situation-experience as parents, experience as teachers of our children, a God who stands by us.
MISCARRIAGES
D.K., WA
I was looking forward to the issue addressing difficult pregnancies, but was disappointed. I realized from what you printed that you consider difficult pregnancies to be those in which a woman is sick or restricted to bed. I have experienced both and it was hard, but to me a difficult pregnancy is not knowing whether your baby will live! ...
We have four healthy children. In between we have experienced two miscarriages. Our fifth child's time in the womb was filled with complications: placenta previa, ruptured membranes, antibody E, heavy bleeding, placenta abruptio, and restricted hospital stay. Our son was born by emergency C section and we held him in our arms six hours later as he died.
Needless to say, our faith has been tested and the grieving has been difficult. It has been over a year since our baby died, and now my husband and I still desire to have another child. To me, if God blesses us with another pregnancy, it will be difficult not only because of the physical concerns, but the emotional stress as well.
Please, offer some help and support to those of us whose difficult pregnancies haven't ended as happily as your own....
I do understand in some small way how you feel, since my third pregnancy also ended in miscarriage. You are right that such a happening makes it hard not to worry during subsequent pregnancies. As also does early false labor, which I have had for three MONTHS during each of my latter pregnancies!
M.M., WA
We had three children, ages 12, 10, and 8, and had used Natural Family Planning since the birth of our last. All of a sudden I found myself pregnant! Surprise! I was delighted. Then a miscarriage. I was devastated. Several months later, surprise again. Again anticipation. This time I became deathly ill for over a month and lost the baby again. Doctors can find nothing.
Mary, you paint this "family planning" (or non-planning) issue as black and white, but is it? My first child (at age 23!) had Down's Syndrome. The Lord followed her with two "normal" children very quickly, but with three in diapers, and one of them needing extra attention, I believe I needed a break after that. But now what? I'm 36 years old. Two miscarriages, a handicapped child, a severely retarded brother, a mother-in-law who had five miscarriages . . . I'm not "Leah-in-the-Bible." I've been exposed to x-rays, drugs (prescribed), and other poisons. I believe God can and will take care of me and my family, but just as I would not walk into a busy street to test Him, (as Jesus would not cast Himself off a wall), perhaps I should not be trying to have more children. Neither my husband or I can think of sterilization. All we can do is lean on the Lord day by day. And I guess that's where He wants us.
I had always dismissed miscarriage as "no big deal," but actually going through one is something else. Anticipation turned to worry, fear, dread, then hopelessness and mourning. An emotional marathon packed into a week's time, then lingering to pull you down. Really makes you want to run out and do it again...
After our second son was born healthy, I got pretty cocky and figured everything was OK. Then I had a miscarriage. The placenta developed but the baby didn't! I know what you mean about the sense of mourning.
It strikes me that the feeling of mourning over a miscarriage is similar to the feeling of mourning over a person you tried to lead to the Lord but who flatly frustrates all your efforts, prayers, and tears. In both cases the natural human reaction is to feel burned out and to not want to try bringing forth life ever again. Yet I have never heard any Christian teacher counsel that if we are unsuccessful in our evangelistic efforts, we should just give up! The pain and prayers themselves have a purpose in our own characters.
The second a baby is conceived, he has a soul. For a Christian, a miscarriage is not a lost cause, but one child brought safely (and immediately) to heaven.
It takes guts to come back after a miscarriage. Like my friend Leslie, who had five miscarriages before her first child, and then had to spend most of the pregnancy in bed! George Whitefield, the famous evangelist of the eighteenth century, had a wife who had miscarriages constantly and whose one and only child died soon after birth. If nothing else, such happenings show us that we can't take our fertility for granted.
In issue #2, JC from Tennessee mentioned the gift of suffering, which she said few Christians today want to accept. Along with this comes the act of vulnerability, when we say, "I am the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done to my according to His will." The answer from heaven may be "A sword will pierce your heart," but along with that goes the promise of grace and blessing.
Mrs. D.B., AZ
Then there's the well-meaning friend who reminds you of Downs Syndrome at your age (I'm 45). Mary, God doesn't make mistakes and I believe they will find some day that age isn't a factor. [They may have found so already. Dr. Mendelsohn tells of research that shows it's the amount of radiation you have received, not age, that is the decisive correlating factor. It just happens that older women as a group have had more opportunity to be X-rayed, etc.-Ed.] Otherwise, why do so many younger women have Downs babies? He wouldn't have made it possible for us to still bear children in our forties and then have us full of defective eggs. It doesn't make sense.
Joanie Etter, OR
Enclosed is the birth announcement of our last child which I thought you would enjoy. How I shudder when I think how close I came to a tubal ligation because the doctors told me that the survival possibilities for subsequent pregnancies (after death of our second baby due to rH problem) was basically zero. How I thank God that He did not let me carry through with that idea and that He continued to give us hope that a miracle would take place and I would be able to have a healthy baby. Circumstances can and do change. I am sick to think that if I had rendered myself sterile, we would not have our precious little Isaac...
ENDOMETRIOSIS
Sandy Teall, OR
What I would primarily like to relate is my experience with infertility caused by endometriosis. What a shock it was, after having two children, to learn I had infertility problems. We had taken our fertility for granted all the years we'd used birth control. Then when we made a conscious decision to stop using it (after reading The Way Home), then this irony hits us.
I had two miscarriages about eight months apart and a laparoscopy to diagnose the endometrial growths. The doctor says we still have a good chance of having more children after I complete my hormone therapy, but I'm not taking it for granted any more!
The reason I wanted to write and tell you this is because I have since become aware than many women suffer from endo (some unaware of it). One of the primary reasons that endometriosis develops is because women postpone childbearing until their late twenties, not realizing the price. I've seen very few media articles written on this medical fact. (I wish I had known about this sooner).
GRIEF
Evvalynda Lee Hoover, CO
I shared with you regarding the birth of our son, Leland. That after reading The Way Home we found we were expecting a new arrival. He was born September 5, 1987 and was a delight to our family during his time with us.
On December 1, 1987 he was a victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. This has been a very difficult thing to accept. When you set your mind and heart on having children one certainly doesn't do so expecting them to be snatched away...
[From the memorial service] Dear Jesus: We come now to thank You for the gift You've given in the life of Leland Gregory: our son, our brother. We remember the joyful anticipation of his coming to us, in watching his growth and feeling his kicks before we even knew who he was. What a blessing to increase the joy in our family by the mere fact that he existed . . . We have experienced You in children and that they truly are "a gift of the Lord" (Psalm 127:3). Leland has been Your gift to us. We thank You for his smiles and his tears. We thank You for the opportunity You gave us to love him and call him "our baby." Father, we give him back to You and only ask that You would in return give us more of Yourself. Sustain us and keep us. He's not easy to give up but nothing is easy that promises to glorify You. Magnify Yourself in us as a family and may we ever praise You. We love you, Jesus.
[From a later letter]
Ways to reach out in grief: