Help Issue 3 - Part II

TRULY NATURAL CHILDBIRTH
Joanie Etter, Oregon

Please, oh please, bring a word about the importance of true natural childbirth. As an R.N., a Bradley childbirth instructor, a La Leche League leader, and one who has attended several births, as well as having experienced a hospital and a home birth, I fell that I can speak with authority that Satan's first blow to the family is at childbirth. Ashamedly, modern obstetrics has been reduced to a medical/legal issue mandating the use of all types of interventions which can make childbirth a miserable experience at best. The widespread use of drugs during childbirth is a national shame. Not only can the use of drugs hinder the bonding process, they can be downright dangerous for the baby. Obvious pain relief and other interventions are necessary at times, but did you know that contrary to popular belief, only a small percentage (5-10%) of women have an unmedicated labor and delivery? And sadder yet is the 25-30% Cesarean rate! I can not believe that a medicated and technical birth is God's best for the average Christian woman. I was overjoyed to hear that your last was a homebirth and that you recommend NAPSAC.

By now our last two are homebirths . . . we're going on our third . . . and we feel ever more strongly that NAPSAC is doing vital work.

Doctors here in Missouri are banding together (under coercion from the state medical association, according to sources) to deny backup medical support to nurse-midwives. Apparently they consider themselves to be the real authority in our families, not our husbands! Happily, this collusion is being challenged in court. May God grant the right.

TO J.C. FROM TENNESSEE
Martha Pugacz, Ohio

I noted several things in her story such as, "Because I was not gifted enough to keep the house as clean and efficient and do all else that had to be done in such a way as to relieve his exhaustion and sense of responsibility." I also noted how she added that Edith Schaeffer only had four. Also noted her statement "If you really want all the children you can have, you should never breastfeed." I could be wrong, but I thought that Jesus said when carrying the cross, "Do not weep for me but weep for your children for there will come a day when men will say, 'Blessed are the wombs that never bore and the paps that never gave suck,'" I felt this means that He already knew of the zero population movement ahead! Then [after ZPG gets big] the destruction comes. I felt that it meant if this happens in the green (good) times, what will they do in the dry? I don't feel it's her husband that only has faith for seven-these statements give her away!

Once and for all-it's not the number of children that we have. I don't believe all women would have large families if they lived normally. I have three close friends (all older women) who don't believe in birth control and only have three children. It's not a contest to see who can have how many. It's His number that brings peace.

P.B., California

The points you raised in response to the letter from Mrs. J.C. are very interesting. My first reaction to (1) [Is it O.K. to refuse a blessing for lack of faith?] is that perhaps before we refuse a blessing for lack of faith we should first try to strengthen our faith. . . .

As far as (3) [Should a wife submit to her husband's demand that they not have children?], . . . After the births of our first four children (after each one, four separate times), he did not want to have any more, mainly because he thought we couldn't afford any more than we had at the time. During each of these times, we used different methods of birth control. Mostly I just waited him out.

I didn't like using contraception but felt that forcing another child on him wasn't right either. I talked about ways we could afford to have another child at times when he seemed receptive. Eventually he ultimately made the decision to stop contraception each time and accept a new baby if God gave us one.

After our fourth child, I introduced NFP as I felt this was more in harmony with the Bible. I was growing in the Lord during these years and studying the Bible and was becoming more convinced that any form of contraception was contrary to God's will. M. also considered vasectomy during those years off and on, but I was always able to talk him out of it.

After about a year of practicing NFP, during which time M. (and I must admit to this as well) often complained about the periods of abstinence, we finally said "forget it" because our wedding anniversary happened to fall at my "fertile time" (not very noble I agree!).

Anyway, our fifth child resulted from that one and only time we failed to resist during the "no-no" time, so I knew the Lord worked that one out for me.

During that pregnancy I discovered and read The Way Home. I was so thrilled to see in writing (by someone I didn't even know) what I had been feeling in my heart for so long! I shared what I was reading with M., and he listened even though he didn't like some of what he heard. We studied the Bible focusing on the issue of marital relations and having children.

By the time our little K. was born, he was convicted as I was about God's plan for marriage and children. Since then his answer to the often-posed question about how many more children we're going to have is "As many as God will give us!"

I realize that I was fortunate that my husband came to this point not long after I did. I'm not sure what I would have done if he was still adamant about not having any more children after I had become convinced that using any form of contraception was wrong. I think I probably would have talked to him very honestly about what was in my heart and why I could not agree to use birth control. Also, I'm sure I would have "prayed without ceasing." I'm convinced that I would not submit to my husband in this matter, for his sake as well as my own.

Some wonderful things have happened since M. decided to let God plan our family. When our fifth child was born, he was a title officer putting in a lot of overtime, and we didn't get to see him very often, at least not as much as we wanted to. Our house was very old, in constant need of repair and was pretty small-originally two bedrooms and one bathroom, we had enclosed the back porch to make a third bedroom. It was a half-hour drive to my husband's office, which added to his away time. Now, I don't want to imply that we weren't happy with what we had, but there were times when I wished we'd had more room, weren't always at the edge financially and that Dad could be home more. When the baby was six months old, M. got a promotion and a $3,000-a-year raise. Three months later he was promoted to title department manager and got an additional $5,000 raise. Three months after that he was transferred to a neighboring county, was promoted to county manager and got another $5,000 raise. Our youngest daughter is now 19 months old, and we are living only 10 miles from my husband's office. We were blessed with being able to purchase a newer home in the country with five bedrooms, three bathrooms, and both a living room and a family room. Since M. is now "the boss" his working time is more flexible and he is home much more than before. I think it is very interesting that all of this happened so suddenly and in such quick succession after he decided to leave our family planning to the Lord.

K.R., Virginia

I would never use any form of birth control. I feel that woman whose husband talked her into a sterilization should have respectfully refused to do evil. If her husband then chose to have a vasectomy, it would at least leave the wife blameless before God.

My husband practices Onanism, which saddens me, but I am praying that God will change his heart and meanwhile I don't lecture my husband about this. . . .

I thought of something additional for Mrs. J.C. She said in her letter that her husband insisted on sterilization because she "was not gifted enough to keep the house as clean and efficient and do all else that I had to do in such a way as to relieve his exhaustion and sense of responsibility." My heart went out to her upon reading that. Because I want an unlimited family out of conviction and my husband only has that as an "ideal," I too often feel that I have to somehow take all the burdens of parenthood on myself, so that it will sit lighter on his shoulders. I feel like I should see to it that the house is as clean as, I am as slim as, it takes as little money as, the family with just two children. This can be a real strain, as this load was meant to be carried by two. My husband hasn't asked me to do this, of course, I put it on myself. I know that God's way is to trust Him instead.

L.G., California

I would like to comment on the letter from Mrs. J.C. from Tennessee, about a women submitting to her husband's demand that they not have more children.

I have a friend who feels that God should build the family. She has three sons, and would love to have more, but her husband says absolutely not. He wanted to have a vasectomy two years ago, but never did. I feel that L. has handled this difficult situation in a Godly manner. She has told her husband how she feels, and that she will not use birth control. But she will honor him by letting him know when she is ovulating. This way, it is up to him to abstain, and puts responsibility for the decision not to conceive upon him. She prays frequently, and says that his decision not to have the vasectomy is based on his love for her, and respect for her beliefs.

YOU CAN HANDLE IT
Pamela Boswell, California

Having the size of family you are able to "handle" is an interesting theory, but you never know what you can handle until you try. I am handling five children now much better than I ever handled one, two, or three! The passage of time and acquisition of experience makes a big difference here. When other mothers wonder how I "do it" and talk about how they can barely manage with the two children they have, I always tell them that I felt the same way when I only had two children. By nature I am a rather selfish and impatient person. Only through having children have I been able to overcome this. It still takes effort at times, but as I've matured and cared for my children I've learned to be patient most of the time. Over the years I've also become very efficient at what I do and have gained more confidence in my ability to do things that have to be done. It's also important to define what the "it" is that you are doing. I'm not doing anything that is unnecessary or adding to my stress level. I try to keep my priorities straight and do the most important things first. I train my children to work around the house and to help each other when they can. So, my fifth baby has actually been the easiest one so far.

Nancy Krumreich, Indiana

Ain't life grand!! Having children has brought me out of adolescence, or at least started me in the path out of it. Children force us out of ourselves, daily and nightly teaching us to GIVE, GIVE, GIVE. One day I feel well able to cope, and the next totally incompetent-what a stretching experience! Yet underneath it all is the firm assurance that, competent or not, I'm doing the right thing and there is no turning back.

Lynn Nobles, Texas

A few additional comments relating to this discussion:

God is the provider, we are not. We are to be diligent in our work, but He ultimately adds the blessing.
I don't think God has our temporal comfort in mind near so much as our spiritual growth and building of character.
Whether or not we feel we have the faith to follow through on a certain belief, I see the Bible teaching us to be obedient. To obey is better than sacrifice.

ZIPPY ANSWERS TO SNIPPY QUESTIONS
Martha Pugacz, Ohio

People do ask dumb questions these days. "How many are you going to have . . . do you want a boy or girl . . . when will you have your next one . . " etc. I always had a dignified answer. When you really feel children are a blessing, people leave you alone. Especially if you have super children who act well and look clean. We were so proud to take ours all over.

One of my mom's friends would tell me, "Two are enough" (she had two). Then we had Mary and she said three is the limit. When we had Michele-number four-we went to visit her with all of them. Her reply when we left was, "With children like yours, you should have 12." How's that for getting permission?

When people asked, as our 65-year-old neighbor did when I had number five at home, "When will you stop having babies?" (they had four sons), my reply was, "I'm taking them while the supply last. You can't tell when it will be gone. My mom had me at age 31 and none after this." I had seven by age 38.

When I was expecting number four I went to hear a 62-year-old woman who had 15 children. I enjoyed our conversation afterward. She told me that a women who had two told her, "Your husband is going to kill you by your having so many babies." To this she replied, "What will be your excuse to die?"

Pamela Boswell, California

I empathize with J.W. from Arizona, as I'm sure many others do, in regard to the rude questions and comments she is bombarded with, especially from Christians. We almost always receive compliments every time we go out in public with our children because they usually behave so well and people don't expect to see that many children exhibit good behavior. In fact, we went out to breakfast once and found when we were done that a gentleman had already paid our bill. All the waitress knew was that he had been in the booth next to us and when he went to pay his bill he told her he wanted to pay ours also. We didn't know him and he didn't know us, so I strongly suspect he did it because he was impressed by the children being quiet and still and not disturbing his meal. Most of the positive comments we receive are from complete strangers. Most of the negative ones we receive from friends and relatives, although I must say that they are much less frequent recently (I think they have all given up on us as hopeless!). In the past we've heard all the same ones you quoted, especially when I was pregnant with our fourth. (For some reason most people seem to think you've really crossed the line at that point.) . . . Although I wouldn't recommend anyone using some of the answers I have given, I'd like to share one just for the fun of it. Once a woman who was a total stranger came up and said, "Don't you know what's causing that by now?" I was nine months pregnant at the time and very tired so I wasn't in the mood to be nice about it. I said, "You bet I do and, boy, do I enjoy it!" . . .

L.G., California

I love your "Zippy Answers to Snippy Questions"! My friend L. always tells people who ask her how many children she's planning, or, (I hate this one), "Will this be your last?" that she doesn't know, because she's letting God plan her family. I always answer, "My children have given me so much joy! Of course I want more!" or "The Bible says two important things about children: (1) that they are a gift, and (2) they are a blessing. In this day and age, I'll take all the gifts and blessings I can!" This usually silences people, but they come away thinking we're crazy! The saddest part is that it's the Christians who really think we're nuts!

Lynn Nobles, Texas

My husband and I came to virtually the same conclusions as you have-particularly concerning God's sovereignty and family planning- about 8-1/2 years ago before we were even married. To our surprise we were lambasted from every side for our ludicrous assertions. "Didn't God give us a brain?" . . . When we observe what Adam and Eve did with their reasoning brains-and we have done the same, resulting in sin-we must conclude God gave us a brain so we would know enough to obey.

CHRISTIAN MAN'S MINISTRY
David Huff, Georgia

I am a 32-year old Southern Baptist father of three (6, 3, and 1) who has spent several frustrating years "looking for my ministry," while watching many who "have a ministry" proceed to neglect, and in some cases wreck, their families.

Your materials were such a breath of fresh air, in a world of Christian publications and seminars which are so often (to use Charlotte Mason's term) "twaddle." I now am gaining a whole new perspective on what a Christian man's ministry is supposed to be, and my family and I are happily embarking on the lifetime goal (and adventure) of revival through family restoration.

It's been humorous to watch the reaction of my friends who see me reading more books by women (Mary Pride, Edith Schaeffer) than by men . . .

KP, Michigan

I would appreciate any advice, counsel, or just plain empathy concerning husbands and their role (or lack of it) in home teaching. As I see it there are those people who have a vision for their children and there are those who do not. Unfortunately, those with a vision frequently are alone in their marriage (yes, Christian marriage). They have an immense burden to see that when their children eventually leave the home they have all the tools (spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, etc.) to not just function in society, but to be "mighty in the Lord." Frequently, as I have observed, it is male vs. female.

Frankly, I'm a bit disgusted with the lack of male leadership not only in my home but in most "Christian" homes. "Rise up O Men of God," as Hale and Wilder so eloquently sing. How can we get these men in our churches to take the bull by the horns and get their families in order?

I truly would appreciate any effort by the men in prominence in the home schooling circles to exhort and admonish and make this a major issue to discuss as they come in contact with homeschooling families.

I personally put the blame on the husband when I hear of a family forsaking home teaching-particularly because of burnout. I'm convinced our biggest foe is burnout (not the NEA), which really is lack of male leadership in the home. . . .

P.B., California

I liked what you said about home business. I sometimes found myself feeling guilty because I felt that taking care of my family, household chores, and home schooling was all I could handle at this point in my life. My husband has a good job, and we don't need any extra money, so I never felt a need to add to our income. . . .

I would like to share our situation as far as [my husband's] provision of "muscle power and general relief." For instance, right now he is feeding the children dinner so that I can write this letter. Basically we both work nearly 24 hours a day. He works at his job outside the home during the day, while I work in the home all day. When he gets home, we both continue working at home: getting dinner ready, cleaning up, bathing the children, getting them ready for bed, family worship and reading time. Then after the children are in bed we do whatever projects need to be done (housework, paperwork, household repairs, etc.). We don't have any specific plan or delineation of which of us does what, just whatever needs to be done is done by whomever has the skill or motivation. Of course this works because M. long ago recognized that the work I did all day at home was real work. He is very generous about taking care of heavy chores when I'm pregnant. Also, he does not feel put out if he has to do some job because I'm nursing the baby at the moment. One of the greatest blessings is that he takes over all kitchen duty during the first three months of pregnancy because I have round-the clock nausea at that time. I think that if men hear of these things from other men more often, it will become easier for them to practice it in their own homes.

Garland Brock, Texas

I think we are very naive to believe even the average Christian father is spending time with his children unless there are actual planned efforts. A value-system is at stake. TV is effectively achieving the devil's agenda in a whole generation. We must review our vision of being counter-culture lights shining in the darkness.

STERILIZATION AND ADOPTION
Susan Laurito, Pennsylvania

I too can tell my horror story about having a doctor make a value judgement on me and telling me that I couldn't have any more children. I had phlebitis with our fifth child and was hospitalized and confined to bed for seven weeks. My doctor told me this would happen again with each pregnancy. Instead of getting a second and third opinion we believed what he told us. Do you want to know how stupid my husband and I were then? He told us we should both be sterilized and we were. It was almost immediately after we had the operations we regretted it and a few years later we both had the operations reversed.

Now if I had written my life story, I would tell you that God once again opened up my womb and we had more children. But God did not work that way in our lives. My husband and I had deep regrets for what we did. I personally seemed to grieve for what I couldn't have. The grief was consuming my life. I cried out to the Lord to heal me and he said, "my grace is sufficient for you." He did heal me emotionally and mentally but did not bless me with more children from my own womb. I can praise Him and thank Him for his graciousness to me. I praise Him when I hear He made it possible for others with a similar experience to bear more children.

Still God did give us many blessings. My husband and I became foster parents for infants whose mothers chose not to have abortions and who were being adopted. We had five babies placed with us over the past five years. We were also made aware of the need for parents for Special Needs Children. These are children who I call the "least of these" who, because of some physical or mental imperfection, are not wanted. There are thousands and thousands of such children needing Christian homes so they too can be brought into the Kingdom of God. If the Christians do not see these little ones as bearers of God's image, do you really think the world will want them? Their answer is infanticide.

I do not think of adoption as God's second best. There are many couples who are infertile and cannot have children from their own bodies. Are they second best to God? Of course not! We live in an imperfect world and the "whole creation has been groaning." The process of adoption is just another means by which He blesses his people with children. I believe we have a God who is for adoption. We were not his natural children but He adopted us and calls us Sons and Daughters and has made us His heirs to His kingdom.

CAN'T FIND CHILD TO ADOPT
Jean Slocum, Nebraska

We have two boys 10 and 11 and a six-year-old adopted daughter (this was a private infant adoption). We have been trying for three years to adopt again. We discovered the State will not place children in our home for adoption because we home school. We have been told repeatedly that other agencies can't work with us because we already have children. This was from those agencies themselves. To adopt from overseas is our only hope, but that can cost from $5,000 to $15,000. My husband started his own electrical business two years ago and we just recently bought a small farm, but we are trying to save the money for one of these adoptions. I know I won't be satisfied with just one more addition but $5,000 per child can add up fast. Can you or your readers HELP with other ideas? (We have even been trying to adopt older children-no luck!)

Re adoption: I think we need to beware of a Sarah/Hagar situation. You recall that Sarah wanted a child and took matters into her own hands. This was not blessed. To adopt "because we want a child," as opposed to adopting "because we feel a burden for this particular orphaned child," seems to be asking for trouble, and oftentimes these situations turn out poorly. I would not adopt simply to build up our family size. You also have to take into account that adoptive children have often been sexually abused before you get them, and in later life they sometimes act upon this advanced knowledge with your other children.

Back to Sarah and Hagar: to adopt because of one's unfruitfulness, or difficulties in childbearing, seems to me to be a perfect parallel to that Biblical situation. A child needing you is different than you needing a child.

In my view, living mothers and fathers should take care of their own children, and this push to encourage unwed teens to give up their babies for adoption is altogether wrong.ÝNo Bible passages endorse the idea of giving one's child away. For that reason, I would encourage potential adoptive parents to hold out for true orphans, and of these, the truly needy ones-not the beautiful children, but the handicapped or unlovely. I'm not referring to those with "emotional problems" (read: horrible behavior), as it's not our job to reward awful behavior with preferential treatment; not to mention the havoc such a child can wreak on his adopted siblings!

LEARNING BY PLAYING
Pam Hunter, Oregon

I loved what you said in the Big Book regarding children playing with info before we expect them to master it. I see so readily how we do that in every other area-folding clothes, playing with a piece of bread dough, writing letters, singing, dusting, fixing Mommy's hair, every area of life, really. But because we're conditioned to think someone else will teach them to read and manipulate numbers when they're "old enough" for school-we don't give the natural opportunities to play with letters and words and reading and math all along the way . . . WOW . . . maybe I should write a book!

THE SIMPLE JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD AND FATHERHOOD
Pamela Boswell, California

Another topic I would like to hear and read more about is the sheer earthly joy we can experience in a large Christian family. The pleasures of parenthood are unique and nothing else in this life can compare. There seems to be no lack of literature which focuses on the negative aspects of child-raising-how to solve behavior problems, how to cope, etc.-but what about the positives?

I love being a mother. I love being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, cuddling babies, toddlers, and even 11-year-olds! I even love changing diapers and giving them baths. I love to look at their sleeping faces and marvel at their similarities and differences. I love their zest in the morning when I can barely wake up. I love to watch their first tentative steps turn into bold cartwheels in a few short years. I love to watch them love each other. I love it when they want another baby as much as I do. Children are wonderful!

Bill and I are writing a book on this very subject. We'd love to include stories about the joys of family life from lots of different people. Anyone out there have any stories or thoughts to share? (Please include permission to quote with your story-thanks!)

BETTER THAN BUSINESS
Diane Stearns-Smith, Florida

I'd like to comment on home business for home schooling mothers. My husband has a paid job that he enjoys, and I have found that I can come out better financially if I practice thrift and careful shopping, and make or grow everything possible myself, rather than trying to earn money with a home business. The old adage of the penny saved being a penny earned is very true today when we are taxed on what we earn, and taxed again when we spend it! I enjoy being able to use as little money as I can, especially as I am against so many of the things our taxes fund. I guess I'd like to have you pass on the idea that not spending money can be as helpful as earning it! (That of course presupposes some income for the family-I can't make books, pens, dental work, etc.!!)

THE OLD FOLKS AT HOME
Diane Stearns-Smith, Florida

Another area I'd like you to really get into is the care of our parents when they get old. I intend to care for them and my husband's parents if it ever becomes necessary-never a nursing home for them. But I am completely unprepared for it-and haven't noticed any books by Christians written on the subject.

Suggestions, anybody?

HELPING THE WEAKER VESSEL
Mary Tangeman, Ohio

I just have to thank your husband for responding to my last letter. I had just written you concerning the amount of work you can get done when you have the help of a husband. Your husband responded by saying, "As I am the family head, then everything that is Mary's responsibility is also mine and any job she might do as household manager, I also must be ready to do if she cannot." I gave the note to my husband and it must have really struck a nerve. That night, he weeded the entire garden and cleaned out the shed without being asked. Since that note, he has helped me out so much more. I have a wonderful husband, but he does not have a lot of extra time due to his farming responsibilities, but he has really made an effort to help out recently.

I have always noticed that when my husband received instruction concerning his role from another man, he always listens and responds. It was a real eye-opener to me and I just wish there were more men around willing to take a truly Christian stand in the home. . . and willing, as Bill did, to share it with others. Thank you so much!

SHE'S THE PASTOR'S WIFE
Julie Fahrbach, Ohio

I was encouraged to get your book by friends of ours who taught our natural birth classes back when we had our first child. We have kept contact over the years and I was speaking with her on the phone one time about the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) vibes coming from various acquaintances that our family of five should be just about complete. I even think that our little Ruth (nine months old) is sometimes viewed as our "extra" child. I am 29 years old, have experienced four beautiful, natural, uncomplicated births, breast-fed all of them and am in very good health and fairly good shape! There is no reason or desire on my part to be sterilized or stop having children. My husband is a loving and involved Papa and faithful husband. Our family and home are increasingly becoming our reference point to reality and the joy in the midst of any trial. Anyway, we got to talking about all these things and she said, "Julie, you must get this book . . ." Well I did . . .

About this same time my husband was starting to deal with the reality of what careerism and working women meant to the overall ministry of the church. I think he skimmed through most of the book too, then pulled together a couple sermons dealing with the biblical view of women in the home, in the church, and as wives and mothers. He spoke these things with much conviction . . . These are perilous days, though. Mary, very few Christians really want to submit to biblical instruction when it touches their lifestyle. . . . And so comfortable Christianity goes on and the real work of the Lord does not!

We feel so strongly about this whole issue of family stability and hospitality that I can clearly see that the most important thing for me to do in this day and age as a Pastor's wife is simply to be the Pastor's wife! I don't head up all kinds of organizations, do counseling, teach Bible studies, or spend my days running from activity to activity. If I talk with people or need to have an input into a difficult situation, I do so in the context of our home. We are intending to homeschool our children and I work hard at maintaining a sane, regular schedule so our children can have ample quiet blocks to time to develop a creative lifestyle. And I am convinced that this cannot happen if they spend half their days buckled up in car seats, dropped off here and there and eating bits of food whenever it can be worked in! So how do I encourage the young mothers of our church to dare to live by conviction rather than convenience? So far, I can only conclude that it be by a constant and consistent example. This is hard sometimes, because I feel so alone in my views of motherhood and marriage and home . . .

MISSIONARIES WHO LOVE KIDS
Costa Rica

We loved The Way Home and thank you for writing it. It has given me the courage to stand up to my fellow missionary sisters who are often "career" women with lousy kids, to do and be the kind of wife and mom I've always wanted to be-because God calls me to do it and I don't have to give excuses to anyone. Praise God!

France

We had come back to the States from our first term as missionaries to France. It was an extremely difficult and stressful time for me. We had three boys and had our fourth boy in France. It was a difficult pregnancy (vomiting, varicose veins, hemorrhoids, etc.) and my parents and all my friends assured us that a vasectomy was the only logical option.

I must tell you that our first post after language school was taking over a work from a veteran missionary whose wife, of course, had children's clubs, ladies Bible studies, etc., as her children were grown. I felt incredible pressure from other missionary wives to be "doing all that a missionary wife is supposed to do."

On arriving home, I was a mess and started seeing a Christian psychologist. But the real turning point came when a friend loaned me your book, The Way Home. After reading part of it, I told my husband, "No! No operation!" That was the beginning of seeing my personal problems and resolving them. I've been a people-pleaser and afraid to do what I felt the Lord had for me.

Over a year later we're back in France in another place. I'm eight months pregnant, homeschooling our children, not "doing" any classes, and have never been happier in my whole life! Of course, my parents think five kids is outrageous, some of the other missionaries are horrified we're homeschooling, and of course I'm not "doing the things a missionary wife should be doing," but I can finally laugh at them all and relish the joy of being pregnant again and finally teaching my own. I love being a wife and mother . . .

Morocco

[A missionary wife wrote regretting her sterilization and asking for suggestions on what they should do now.]

Others have written who have faced your situation-sterilized and repentant. In the vast majority of such cases, they have sought reconstructive surgery.

You ask, "How can we justifiably seek God's funds to pay for retribution of our own willful act?" Since all funds ultimately come from God, I don't see this as a problem. If friends are told of the situation and are willing to help, surely this would be God's leading to go ahead. If you try to raise the money but can't, then certainly you would not be to blame for your inability to have surgery.

So my advice would be to go ahead and try to have surgery . . . and see if it becomes possible.

As to all the other things you could use the money for . . . that same argument is used to justify neglecting one's family "for the sake of God." Since one's ability to serve God is biblically developed by the way one treats one's family, it is important not to put the family . . . including unborn, future members . . . last, behind other, apparently more noble, ventures.

If you are willing to try to amend your sterilization, then your hearts are certainly right with God in this area, and I wouldn't worry about the results (which are in God's hand).

NEW FEATURE?
Garland Brock, Texas

I would like to suggest a regular feature that I want to see in some publication before I die. It is simply a regular column entitled "Living Without T.V." Although we have never had television in all our 16 years of marriage, I see year after year it is not easy to pursue this kind of abstinence.

I think the column would be welcomed by all your readers whether they watch it or not. I can see this issue being addressed mostly in a positive, upbeat way. Not particularly a diatribe against the medium itself.

If, indeed, T.V. stifles creativity, then it should be of great benefit and joy for a family to eliminate it. But we have found that creativity is another word for WORK! Tonight my fifteen-year-old boy was replacing a bathroom lavatory sink for almost two hours. Not quite finished, but tomorrow he will be. Would this have happened if the TV had been blaring? Home maintenance has become one of our major indoor pastimes.

Another activity that has borne fruit for us is various hand crafts. Library sources are legion for finding out how to do old-timey things like making fabric dye out of vegetables, making pioneer-type toys, potato stamp printing, etc.

Anyone out there have any articles or comments to submit on Life Without TV?

CAN WE COUNT ON DISCIPLINE?
Liz Ensley, Louisiana

In future issues of HELP maybe you can suggest some good resources on discipline. My three-year-old is becoming a real challenge. I know some of the problem is that I don't always follow through, but I am also reluctant to be spanking all the time. Have I been influenced too much by the culture of the times?

Another question has to do with Proverbs 22:6. Do you believe that any of the proverbs speak in probability terms; for example: a soft answer turns away wrath, or the one you quoted in your seminar on a quality workman standing before kings? If other proverbs are probabilities or represent the best way to behave in an evil world, then why is Prov 22:6 not a probability also?