What am I doing wrong?....

[kkapfe]

[Ramona]

I want to encourage you. I'm sure there are solutions to this situation.

It sounds to me like there are several different things going on for you: maybe testing the boundaries, learning-style clashes, scheduling problems, preconceived assumptions, and over-expectations, for example.

I think a probable reason that she's complaining at the beginning of the day (whether she realizes it consciously or not) is to see what you're willing to put up with. I think that if you tell her those remarks are unacceptable and let her experience natural consequences for making them (i.e. "now there is a time-out or a chore that will take 5-6 minutes and then we will do school without any complaining"), it will only take 2 or 3 days before she will start school work with a pleasant attitude. (Of course that will require that you also begin school work with enthusiasm and a smile every day.)

It sounds like she might do better listening to you talk or read aloud while she moves and uses her large muscles. It's a bit challenging to teach first-grade reading to a child who learns this way, but not at all impossible. My best tip is to keep each day's reading lesson very, very tiny.

It might help her to plan a lesson and then a break to do something else that's not formal school work and then a different lesson and then another break and so on throughout the day. I know this isn't convenient and doesn't make it easy to get school out of the way in the morning and then have the rest of the day available for other things, but if you ponder it for a while and then experiment with it, you might find you like it if it helps her.

You're remembering that her kindergarten teacher said she was pokey and you're viewing her current behaviors through that filter. Maybe you could see her mid-word remembrances as an intro to creative writing. Write down everything she says in one of these stories on a large sheet of first-grade writing paper and then for tomorrow's lesson in printing have her copy her own memory. Or videotape her telling one of these stories and have her watch it as this afternoon's social studies lesson.

Some kids are not going to sit still and stay on task. Some kids aren't going to do so at this age. Some kids aren't going to do so at this time of year, in this weather. Some kids aren't going to do so for this subject. Referring to the amount of time she needs to do her assignment as wasting time and setting a timer for her could be seen as setting yourself up to be disappointed and hot-&-bothered again.

I have a 2nd-grader right now who was very similar to your DD last year. It was driving me nuts. So I changed my expectations. She is still the same, really. But instead of expecting her to sit still and sit up straight and read me a story in 15 minutes, I now go in the next room while she lies on the floor and I let her "read" for 45 minutes. When she's actually reading I look at her book and make sure she's getting the words right. But while she's looking at the pictures on the page and making up her own guesses about what will happen next, doing her own private calisthenics, or telling me what she remembers from when she was a baby I'm cooking supper or reading the paper and saying "uh-huh" every now and then.

A couple more thoughts:

--Some kids need to be told what the expectations are at the beginning of each day. For example, you might say, "Darling, I'm glad you're so imaginative and creative and like to tell stories. I want you to do that this afternoon. But right now it's time to sit up straight and read straight through this page without stopping."

--A diet high in carbohydrates, especially simple sugars, can contribute to wiggles. Regardless of diet, some kids need to work off physical energy by having lots of running breaks, etc. I enforce that when my kids are playing outside they have to do aerobic activities, not just sit around on the grass talking.

--My kids fit the old adage, "Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile." When they've had a long break, they want a longer one. When they've been going without any break they're into the routine and the idea of a break doesn't occur to them. I just have to remember that, accept the inevitable, and tell them when complaints are not acceptable.

Sometimes a child "requires" handholding because she's used to it. A few times I've had to make myself give an assignment and then go away and leave her to do it. It's amazing how fast she comes and reports that she's done. I think my standing over her contributes to her nervousness which causes wiggles while I'm watching, but also when I go away and leave her to be responsible, she lives up to that fun, interesting and exciting challenge. This works well with both of my 2 middle girls.

I hope this helps, and if you have more concerns I hope you'll ask again.

Ramona
Homeschooling 12+ years
Mom of 6

[kkapfe]

I was thinking about the idea of letting her know ahead of time what she'll be doing for the day. I would love to give her a "packet" of stuff that she needs to get done for the day. My problem with that is how to do that with the pages that are in books. If I rip them out, I have problems because a day might not require both sides front and back or I might need 3 pages in one lesson. However, I think she would benefit from having everything set out in one paperclip. I think it would be less overwhelming.

As far as the different issues you raised about our situation...I think you're right on. Her learning style is way different from my teaching style. I love workbook stuff. You do it, check it off, you're done. She likes more things on the computer and game format. I've tried to incorporate those things for her and am even looking for more computer stuff for next year. The thing is, some academic things need to get done just because they need to get done, whether they're fun or not. Like I said before, she's convinced that "real" school doesn't make you do spelling and phonics or reading aloud.

Thanks for your encouragement! I want our school life to be so fun and equally beneficial educationally.

[Linda]

It sounds like you may be trying to do too much with her. Maybe you are doing more "school at home" than "homeschooling". The two are different. Why don't you forget about the textbooks and curriculums for a day. Talk with her and find out what a favorite subject is that she would like to learn more about. Maybe animals or the solar system or cooking. It can be anything she wants. Then go to the library and pick out lots of books pertaining to her subject. Search the internet and find ideas for learning more about her choosen subject. Turn it into a unit study and incorporate it into math, language arts, science, and social studies. Find craft projects relating to her subject. Plan field trips. Think out side of the box and you will see her excitement for learning come alive!

Best of luck!

[WAHMBrenda]

I agree with Linda. You said your daughter is in 1st grade, so is mine, even though she's only 5. We only do 30 minutes of schoolwork each day. This means that we cover all subjects once a week in workbook form. The rest of the time we play learning games, work on lapbooks, read living books, learn from living and if she wants she can play on the computer for 1 hour per day. Not to brag but my hyper daughter is doing very well and we're both happy. When we use to do more school at home she was uncooperative and the whole thing was nothing but a fight. I don't know how you wish to handle things but I just thought that I'd provide you with a suggestion from someone who use to be in a situation similar to yours. If you want to chat more you can message me.

[momo3boys]

I've started using folders for each day of the week. That way my 3rd grader, who is also a major distracted child, knows what is expected of him. I give him little reminders to stay on task, and the activities that I can't copy and out in the folder, I write on a paper slip. I change what iwe do each day, so that things don't get boring, and this is ag reat way to give them the reins. Some days Cody is done at 11am, others at 4pm. But when he gets done late, he doesn't have time to play with his friend down the street. The more you push the more they push back sometimes. Just ignore the bad behavior, and when she comes up to you with a finished sheet, go overboard with the praise! I hope this helps, and that you find a way to ease the problem.

[Ramona]

[Gypsy'sMom]

[Calla_Dragon]

[easyhomeschooling]

It seems to me that you are trying to hard. If she wants to tell a story, let her! Stories are the seed of a lifetime of creative writing. You need to loosen up and forget all your materials and plans and sort of let your daughter lead, IMHO. It seems to me that she is a creative person and the structure that you might be trying to put on her is stifling, thus the 'hating school' thing. I was the same way so understand her completely. You can cover a lot of subjects by simply reading aloud and having her tell back... yes, tell her stories.

[momofmy3kids]