Help convincing my spouse

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SWmom
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Help convincing my spouse

Postby SWmom » Thu May 24, 2007 10:54 am

Hello all,

I am new here - I am not currently a homeschool mom, however I really want to be. I have a 9 year old son that is finishing 3rd grade in public school this year but I want to pull him out of this school system. We moved to this town in August and this was a new school for my ds. He has had the worst possible year. He is extremely gifted and is currently at a 5th-6th grade level in almost every subject. To make his situation more unique, he is AD/HD and does not take medication for it (that's a whole other controversy). This combination along with a teacher on the verge of retirement that pretty much just wants him to sit down and shut up has proven that this new school system has no idea what to do with him.

Sorry for the rant- but I am desperate for advice on how to convince my husband that homeschooling is the best for him. Even my son has started asking me if I can "teach him at home" because he is so unhappy. I haven't even mentioned it to him and he's requesting it on his own. My dh is concerned that he won't be well socialized and he won't be "normal" (whatever that means). Our son has lots of friends in our neighborhood, does sports and piano lessons, and we are very active in our church. We also have a dd but she is only 6 months old. Please give me advice so I can win this debate before the start of the next school year. Thanks! I appreciate the help sooooo much.

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Theodore
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Postby Theodore » Thu May 24, 2007 4:27 pm

Sounds to me like taking your son out of school will hardly affect his social life at all, and it will make him far less miserable. The socialization argument has already been gone over ad infinitum in the Homeschool vs Public School area (check out the large threads there), but to sum it all up, school is all about kid socialization, not adult socialization, so the socialization skills you get there don't even necessarily apply to the real world, and that's assuming your kid is relatively popular and isn't being picked on or made fun of all the time. Also, if any education is actually getting done in the school, the amount of socialization during regular class time is almost nothing - it's the extracurriculars that matter, and you don't need school for that.

Bottom line, if your son is miserable in school, then he obviously isn't having an enjoyable social experience there anyway, so things can only improve if you homeschool him. Public schools are not magic factories that churn out socially well-adjusted kids, contrary to popular thought.

keptwoman
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Postby keptwoman » Thu May 24, 2007 5:05 pm

I had a similar issue almost 12 months ago. I wanted to homeschool our DS from this January (beginning of our school year) and DH thought I was mad.
I was reading everything I could get my hands on on homeschooling and as I was reading them and all the websites, I just read bits and pieces out to my husband. Obviously when finding tit-bits to read to him I made sure to concentrate on his areas of concern. My DH was reasonably easy to convince as he knows I don't make decisions lightly and I had researched so much. When we actually took DS out of school before the end of the school year my DH became a total convert to home-ed as he saw the change in our son.

Also you could find a group in your local area and arrange to go along to some of the meetings, perhaps once your DH meets some homeschooled kids and realises they are perfectly normal kids, and probably politer than most; that might get over the "normal" thing.

The whole socialisation non-issue is quite interesting as it takes a bit of a mind shift from what we (as school parents) consider normal socialisation. If you can get him to read some of the stuff on it hopefully you can help him make that shift.
Sandra, Homeschooling Mum in Australia

StellarStory
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Postby StellarStory » Fri May 25, 2007 9:08 pm

You can't win this sort of argument with someone who doesn't want to be convinced. You just can't convince someone against their will.

My husband was terrified on a primal level of home school. Our kids were miserable and one was in crisis because of it.

Only together can you work this out for the betterment of your family.

I asked my husband if it would endanger our marriage or if he would be mad at me on a regular basis.

If it would I said that I'd find a second job and send our kids to a private school but I could not in good conscience send them back to the very good public schools at which they were so unhappy.

I also proposed a trial period. It was a six week period to see if the kids would do as I told them on time and if we could all get along.

Fortunately my husband has always supported me in my decisions about how to raise the kids and he did so again.

Now he sees how much more they are learning and how much better the family is getting along. His relationships with the kids have improved a great deal. Even our relationship as a couple has improved.

He still has fear about it. There are some things you can never get rid of.

The whole first year after that was also a trial period of sorts. Now, in our 4th year, we will never go back. Life is so much better for all of us this way.

Good luck,

Stellar

SWmom
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Postby SWmom » Sat May 26, 2007 6:55 pm

Thanks for your help- I think I am actually winning him over slowly but surely.

One more question- how do I figure out what level of curriculum or workbooks to use because my ds is so advanced for his age? He is still a very innocent 9 years old and I don't want him to be exposed to anything too mature. I already know that curriculums that come all in one package for a specific grade are not going to work for him, but how do I know which ones will without spending a fortune? I don't want to pay to have someone "evaluate" him, but I suppose if that's my only choice I will.

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Postby FreeMom » Sat May 26, 2007 7:24 pm

Have you gone to any homeschool conferences or curriculum fairs? When I first started homeschooling, that was how I chose my curriculum. I had no idea either which levels to choose for my kids, but it really helped to be able to page through the materials rather than just choosing from a catalog. It honestly took the first year or two to figure out what would work best for my family. Inevitably you will waste some money on things that don't work, but it's such a big help to be able to look at things in person (rather than a catalog) that first year or two.
Homeschooling Mom of 6 amazing kids! www.HomeComesFirst.com

StellarStory
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Postby StellarStory » Sat May 26, 2007 11:36 pm

SWmom wrote:Thanks for your help- I think I am actually winning him over slowly but surely.

One more question- how do I figure out what level of curriculum or workbooks to use because my ds is so advanced for his age? He is still a very innocent 9 years old and I don't want him to be exposed to anything too mature. I already know that curriculums that come all in one package for a specific grade are not going to work for him, but how do I know which ones will without spending a fortune? I don't want to pay to have someone "evaluate" him, but I suppose if that's my only choice I will.


I highly and often recommend POC4U.

It will give you a level on the main courses of study for your child and his highest learning styles. Then it goes further to help you understand the best ways to teach your child and suggest the best curriculum for those levels, subjects and learning styles.

I've found it to be invaluable though it only cost me around $18.00 at a home schooling convention.

Here is the web site:

http://www.edudps.com/poc4u.html

HTH,

Stellar

SWmom
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Postby SWmom » Sun May 27, 2007 4:20 am

I have not attended any conferences or anything like that. I am in a very rural farm community in Eastern CT. Most of the conferences are financially and logistically not possible. It would be ideal if one was in the Hartford CT area but I have not found one. (If anyone finds one in the CT area - Please let me know :) )

I appreciate all of the help very very much- I think I am going to build my own literature curriculum and wing it because he is so far advanced in that subject and it is his favorite. I figure a librarian can help with that in terms of appropriateness, etc. Of course I will read the books first and also review them. Grammar and writing I'll just get some cheap workbooks from the bookstore and experiment over the summer. I have thoroughly browsed (OK I've been a little obsessed with my "browsing") the curriculum forum here and found Math u See for math. They have their own free test to administer so I will do that. Plus it looks like an easy program for me to run for my first hs year. The other subjects will come to me after math and English are set. Do I sound way too optimistic? Maybe I am, but I suppose overenthusiasm is better than lack of.

Thank you again- I really do appreciate it. This forum is awesome! I don't feel stupid asking all of these questions and you are all so kind when I do.

Kat

keptwoman
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Postby keptwoman » Sun May 27, 2007 7:22 am

Glad your DH is coming around :)

I remember being obsessed with browsing, I spent all night every night looking up curriculum and options. There is such a thing as too much choice isn't there :shock:
My only comment about workbooks would be beware some of the ones from the shops, they are meant as review or homework-busywork and don't adequately give/cover a curriculum. They are fine for over the summer of course. Just something to beware of, many people would say that it doesn't matter about that stuff anyway and some (me) use full grammar curriculums, you need to figure out where you fit in that spectrum.
Sandra, Homeschooling Mum in Australia

StellarStory
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Postby StellarStory » Sun May 27, 2007 11:26 am

I like Bookadventure.com

http://bookadventure.com/


Five in a row

http://www.fiarhq.com/

Living books

http://www.livingbookscurriculum.com/li ... mepage.htm

and Let Author's Speak

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/ ... m_no=68125

for some of our literature based curriculum resources.

I think it's great that you are excited and ready to tackle homeschool. I know I was and for that matter still am!

Stellar

keptwoman
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Postby keptwoman » Sun May 27, 2007 5:54 pm

Also for a free literature curriculum www.amblesideonline.com
I've drooled over some of the programs at www.winterpromise.com too :lol:
Sandra, Homeschooling Mum in Australia

mdsmomct
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Postby mdsmomct » Tue May 29, 2007 11:12 am

There is going to be a big conference in October in Hamden, CT. Check out CHN or http://www.cthomeschoolnetwork.org/conf_agenda.htm -their website. Also, I think there are some good support groups your way - I would join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CTHomeschoolersInclusive/ - it is not a support group per say but can lead you to support groups in your area and put you in touch with people all over CT. I am in Southwestern CT.

As for my dh he was totally against even thinking about hs but like another person said I read and read and kept giving him facts and figures and he is now 100% for it. It took about 6-9 months so inform yourself and dh. Your son will be much better for it! Good luck! :)

SWmom
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Postby SWmom » Thu May 31, 2007 6:32 am

Thanks for the info on the conference- I think I will make a huge effort to go. I think I am making great progress with my husband as well. The more research I do and share with my husband, the more he seems to be ok with it. Of course, I am not sure how long it will take for him to actually admit that I am on to something good- he is of course a man. (No offense to any men - it's just that in my experience it takes a lot for a man to admit their wife is "right")

Through doing more searching I did find a group that consists of families east of the CT river. I have contacted them but I haven't heard back yet. Hopefully I will and they will have lots of advice. Two of the families are in my little farm town! Yay! :)

As for my son - he knows I am doing research and in his own words he already mentioned to his teacher that he is overjoyed that he probably will be homeschooled after the end of the year. She had no comment - big surprise! I am already counting down the days- 12 until he is all mine! The last day is Monday June 18 but I might take him out before then. Why waste any more of his childhood, right?!

Ceres
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Postby Ceres » Thu May 31, 2007 7:47 am

A friend of mine is doing a paper on the socialization of homeschooled kids. IF I did this correctly, the link should take you to his paper. I thought it might be interesting for some to read.

http://www.freespeechforum.net/forum/index.php?act=attach&type=post&id=78

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Theodore
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Postby Theodore » Thu May 31, 2007 10:27 am

Link doesn't work.


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