for those who want to have a happy marriage

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for those who want to have a happy marriage

Postby Homeof8 » Thu Dec 03, 2009 2:08 pm

Men, do you want to have a wonderful wife?

I have been meditating, reading, and considering marriage relationships quite a bit lately. I have seen so many of our homeschool (and other) friends having difficulties and I have been trying to understand why this is. Our second daughter has recently married, and this has further motivated my search for truth.

During the past 15 years as the coordinator of a large homeschool support group I have been made aware of thousands of marriages and many of the struggles... which virtually boils down to very similar roots.... husbands are told to be part of the "curse" by ruling over his wife --- and this forgets the FACT that Christ has redeemed us from the "curse." Books and pastors tell the wife to "agape love" their husbands and respect him - no matter how he acts....when the husbands have been told plenty of time s in scripture to love his wife. (see below)
It has been tragic to watch the sorrow of those in unhappy marriages and/or those who ende d up divorcing --- it was hard for the couples AND more so for the children. (The divorce rate among Christians is HIGH! --- what a terrible testimony .... and the misery rate of couples just in survival mode is the norm, not the exception)

I have been writing my thoughts out on a number of areas having to do with the relationship between a husband and wife. The following thoughts don't have a lot of commentary, but they are a compilation of thoughts that could be elaborated on in depth. I reference some of the books where many of these scriptural insights have come from. I wanted to share these ideas with you. When you get ten minutes, please look them over. You are important to me, and you might have an influence in my daughters' live or someone else's daughter's life, or in the life of others you care about. I hope these ideas initiate some deep thought!
Learn the correct way to become a REAL man and your wife will become WONDERFUL!

so, if you want to have a wonderful wife,
Then, follow the Word of God:
2 Timothy 2:15 "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of truth."

Ephesians 5
23 For the husband is head (kephale) of the wife, as also Christ is head (kephale) of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love (agape) your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love (agape) their wives as their own bodies. He who loves (agape) his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father=2 0and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love (agape) his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect (phobeo) her husband.
(of course the wife will respect her husband if he fulfills his responsibilities in the verses preceeding--- this=2 0is not implied that she must give undeserved respect)
"phobeo - healthy fear of God"
1 John 4:18 perfect love casts out fear (phobeo)... there is no phobeo in love.
Jesus said, "no phobeo" in Matthew 14:27, 17:7, 28:9, Hebrews 13:6, Revelation 1:17, except to fear God, not man1 Peter 2:17)
to love as Christ loved the church???
1John 4:19 "We love (Him) because He first loved us."
(husbands are to love first, then the wife will love in return)
"The head (kephale) of every man is Christ, the head (kephale) of woman is man, and the head (kephale) of Christ is God." 1 Corinthians 11:3
"kephale": the Latin-base is referring to military style or chain of command, HOWEVER, in the original Greek it means "SOURCE OF LIFE"
(per The Victor Bible Background New Testament) (This makes sense when realizing the Christ is not inferior to God, but rather co-equals with different roles in carrying out the plan of salvation)

Which also helps to explain further as to how husband/wife become ONE.

PLEASE be sure to read The Man of Her Dreams / The Woman of HIs and Livin' It and Lovin' It.... it makes so much more sense when you read it the way the Davissons have presented it. ;

Colossians 3:19 (KJV)
"Husbands, love (agape) your wives, and be not bitter against them."

Do you think that the Lord wants husbands to agape love their wives???? YES.... FIVE times the husband is told to "agapao" love his wife....
It's "agapao" - Godly love
"For God so loved the world that He gave..." "Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her..."
The wife is only told to "philandros" (fond of man and affectionate) love her husband, unless it is when the couple is directed to "love one another"
Titus 2:4 "they (older women) may train the young women to love (phileo) their husbands'

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge (understanding), giving honor (time - pronounced tee-may) unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs of the grace of live that your prayers are not hindered." 1 Peter 3:7
Is this verse directed to the wife???? NO
"time (tee-may): honor of one who outranks others, preeminence (same word in Hebrews 2:7 pertaining to crowning Jesus

"It is a snare for a man to devote something as holy, and afterward to reconsider his vows." Proverbs 20:25
Are marriage vows supposed to be holy? You betcha!

"For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love that you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints." Hebrews 6:10

"Submit (adapt) (hupotasso) to one another in the fear of the Lord" (mutual submission) (Ephesians 5:21)
Wives, submit (idios) to your own husband, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22)... in the original Greek, "submit" is not even in this scripture! "idios" means: unto your own, pertaining to one's self, one's own, private or separate".... so Ephesians 5:21 actually says, "Let the wife be private and separate to her husband as she is to the Lord."
God designed women that way...

Colossians 3:18-19 "Wives, submit (hupotasso - adapt) to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love (agape) your wives and do not be bitter toward them."

(Wouldn't it have been something if wives were "submissive" to other women's husbands, too? After all Eph 5:21 says "submit to one another" .... These instructions are protecting the sanctity of one man/one woman in marriage instead of polygamy or homosexual marriage) == From personal experience, it's a travesty to hear a man say to a woman who is not his wife, "Are YOU willing to submit to my authority?" --- talk about spiritual abuse!!! My husband does not even speak to me that way!

hupatasso: used in 1Corinthians 14:31-32, 1 Cor 16:15-16, Ephe 5:21, 1 Peter 5:5b is used as it relates to mutual submission and team ministry, encouraging the believers to=2 0walk in a spirit of harmony.
There is no New Testament teaching that the husband is to make all of the final decisions... Revelation 1:6, 5:10, and 20:6 refers to US as being priest of God and of Christ and of the Father, NOT just men....
so, if the husband is the priest or "king" of the castle, likewise is the wife!!!
(Be sure to read Chapter 18 of Livin' It and Lovin' It!)

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. " Proverbs 18:22
(it does NOT say she who finds a husband finds a good thing)
(Hebrew "good" = "towb" --- prosperity, better, beautiful, best, cheerful, at ease, bountiful, fine, glad, joyful, loving, merry, most pleasant, sweet, favor, pleasure, kindness, goodness, wealth, and to be well-f avored)

Genesis 2:18 "And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I make him a helper comparable to him."

Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created THEM!" (He looks on both man/woman as his crowning creation.... not only the man, so the woman is not inferior)

Psalm 128: 1-3a " 1 Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house"
(if husbands will work at having a great marriage, they will reap the benefits of it being well with them)

" Agree with your adversary quickly" Matthew 5:25

"He who is married cares about how he may please his wife. She who is married cares about how she may please her husband." 1 Cor 7:33-34

Team leadership: "So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house said to his servant." Luke 14:21 The word for "Master of the House" here is the same base Greek word that Paul used when he said for a wife to "manage" her house. The New Testament authorizes both a husband and wife to be the leaders, together, of their marriage and home. You are probably aware that the New Testament, in other references, declares that a husband is to rule his home. The conclusion? God gives a husband and wife the same job description; to lead the home,as a team. One flesh. One heart. One mind.
Husband and wife MUST reach an agreement.. i>or postpone the decision until both are in agreement....

"He that rules, with diligence" Romans 12:8
(this is not refering only to men... as this is part of the spiritual gifts chapter...

1. One of four Greek words translated love
a. philia - the love of close friends or brothers
b. storge - the love of family
c. eros - carnal or sexual love
d. agape - love which seeks the highest good of others
1) Not just friends, family, or brethren, but even enemies
Mt 5:44
2) Thus it is a higher form of love than "brotherly
kindness" (love of brothers)
2. It can be said that agape love:
a. Does not depend upon the one being loved as having earned
such love
b. Is not an exclusive love (brothers only), but an
all-embracing benevolence
c. Is not an uncontrolled reaction of the heart, but a
concentrated exercise of will
d. Is a caring love, one which becomes involved in the needs of
-- Perhaps the simplest definition is the one often given:
"active good will"

1. God the Father demonstrated agape love
a. His love for sinners is completely undeserved by them - Ro
b. Naturally, His love is called a "great" love - Ep 2:4-7
2. God the Son demonstrated agape love
a. By laying down His20life for us - 1 Jn 3:16
b. There is no "greater" love - Jn 15:13
-- Truly the Father and the Son have exemplified "active good
will" towards all! ... now_09.htm

"but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many"&nbs p; Mark 10:43, 45

When a husband treats his wife the way the Lord told him to do, basically as a queen, she will then fulfill the scripture that says, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband." Proverbs 12:4
(this means that the husband is a huge part of shining up his own crown! ... and his wife's glow is representing to everyone that she is being treated well by her husband... and his crown his shining because his wife is!.... she will want to shine --- she'll be able to shine --- and he will get the credit... and that is the way it's supposed to be)

"Your desire shall be for your husband." Genesis 3:16 (all women dream of "happily ever after")

"That they (older women) admonish the young women to love (phileo) their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient (hupotasso - adapt) to their husbands." Titus 2:4-5

to Elders / Ministers:
"For an elder must be a man whose life cannot be spoken against. He must be faithful to his wife." 1 Timothy 3:2
(in other words, if he is not going to agape love and shine his wife, then he should not be an "elder")

How does Jesus nourish and cherish the church?
listening: 1 John 5:15
anticipates needs &desires before we ask Matthew 6:8
supplies our needs Phil 4:19
forgives and defends us 1 John 2:1-2
understands us: Heb 2:18, 4:15
our comforter: John 16:7
comforts us in our afflictions: 2 Cor 1:4
helps us: John 16:7
protects us (He's on our side): Rom 8:31
cares for us: Matt 6:26-33
gives security Matt 11:28-29
trusts us: Mark 16:15-18
we know we'll receive those things we ask of Him: 1 John 3:22, 1 John 5:14-15, Luke 11:9

"Solomon answered all of her (Queen of Sheba) questions" 1 Kings 10:31 .... she spoke with him about all that was in her heart.... he answered all of her questions.... when she had seen all the wisdom of Solomon.... there was no more spirit (of fighting) in her
Husbands, answering and listening to your wife... so very important!!!!

'And the Lord God said it is no t good that man should be alone; I will make a help ("ezer") meet ("neged") for him." Genesis 2:18
"ezer" - to surround, protect or aid, refers to an army being called on to help a nation fight against an enemy
"neged" - a front, a part opposite, specifically a counterpart, to front, to stand boldly out opposite, to manifest, to announce, or expose and to explain
"Neged" is used in Psalm 16:8, 23:5, 26:3, 116:14

Other verses using "ezer" as helper refers to the Lord (Psalm 20:2, 33:20, 70:5, 115:9, 115:11, 121:1, 121:2, 124:8).... this would mean that the helper is greater than the one being helped...
1John 15:26 ""When the Helper (HOLY SPIRIT) ("ezer") comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, that is the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify about Me,"
(therefore, contrary to what is often preached, the wife IS SUPPOSED to help just as the Holy Spirit for the husband -- she will help her husband become more Christlike if he allows her to do so as "equal team leader)

Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

"And he (husband) shall rule over you (wife)." Genesis 3:16b
THIS Is part of the curse.... why would Christian husbands want to curse his wife?
"Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, "cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree" Galatians 3:13

Just as slavery is not godly, so neither is the requirement that women behave as slaves within their marriage
Women are not sentenced to abuse (physical, emotional, financial or scrip tural) just because they are married to a Christian man...

"Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" Matthew 7:12 "THE GOLDEN RULE"

"but Jesus said to them, "You know that those who are considered rulers over the gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you." Mark 10:42-43

"... take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth...." Malachi 2

Other great books to read on the marriage relationship:
Ken Nair's Discovering the Mind of a Woman (1971)
Angry Men and The Women Who Love Them , Paul Hegstrom
Romancing Your Wife, Debra White Smith and husband Dan W. Smith
Do Yourself a Favor, Love Your Wife, H. Page Williams (1970?)
Letters to Philip, Charlie Shedd
Stop Hurting the Woman You Love -- Break the Cycle of Abusive Behavior, Charlie Donaldson
The Man of Her Dreams / The Woman of His and Livin' It and Lovin' It by Joel and Kathy Davisson

If you've not been treating your wife like a queen, (even if you're separated or divorced) it's not too late: Please learn to "die to self," repent, and then begin to truly love and serve, listen to and honor your wife.... then, you will become more Christlike.... she WILL eventuall respond to the changes.... and then you will have a wonderful testimony of what a godly marriage should be... to each other, your children, the community and the Lord.... Wouldn't it be GREAT if the divorce rate among Christians disappeared???? It could very likely lead the way to a great revival when the non-b elievers see that marriage CAN be full of the Joy of the Lord!....
Please read: The Man of Her Dreams / The Woman of H is and Livin' It and Lovin' It and Lovin' It by Joel and Kathy Davisson..... their testimony and insights (which rightly divide the Word of Truth) of the Holy Scriptures will change your life.... Glory to God!
Joel And Kathy Davisson - The Man Of Her Dreams / The Woman Of His! or ; ;

What is being taught from nearly all pulpits (and in seminaries) regarding marriage is NOT working nor is it scripturally based from the original language or intent.... so, PLEASE check the info above out and experience the "life-giving" breath from the rhema within the pages of God's Word and in His Holy Spirit, based on accurate interpretation. I've seen it happen (I've cried with joy over the miracles of20marital healing that others have recently shared with me as a result of reading The Man of Her Dreams / The Woman of His and also when it happened that a husband refused to even "allow" the wife to read it)... and know it is true.

Thank you for your patience in reading.


Please be sure to check out

Rhodes Family
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Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2007 4:32 pm

Postby Rhodes Family » Sat Apr 03, 2010 4:40 pm

A year ago my hubby and I came to this same conclusion about the way marriage is taught in many churches today. You summed it up well. the site at the bottom hacked? I tried to get in but got a warning message instead. Thanks :)

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Postby Homeof8 » Sat Apr 03, 2010 4:44 pm is the correct website

You could also try is also part of it and is WONDERFUL!

Please be sure to check out

Rhodes Family
Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2007 4:32 pm

Postby Rhodes Family » Sat Apr 03, 2010 7:36 pm

Homeof8 wrote: is the correct website

You could also try is also part of it and is WONDERFUL!

The first 2 links takes me to a warning page with a red x that says they are unsafe to enter. My firewall is blocking it. I was only able to get on the last link. Are you getting on those first 2 links with no problem? Sometimes sites get hacked and can do harm to ones computer if there is a virus at those sites.

Btw...Yes I've heard of Joel & Kathy before.

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Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 1:56 pm

Postby Homeof8 » Sat Apr 03, 2010 10:31 pm

They all go to the same website except for the

Please be sure to check out

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Postby donnabrenton » Fri Apr 22, 2011 12:13 am

Thank you for the great post...

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