Why I am against Homeschooling

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Profesora H
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One size fits all- doesn't

Postby Profesora H » Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:55 pm

I homeschooled my 4 kids for 7 years. One by one they requested to go to school. As I had lost the desire to be at home full time, I allowed them to enroll. I returned to work, eventually ending up as a public school teacher. Here is my nickel's worth:
One size does NOT fit all. People and circumstances change. Good things can come from many different experiences. I learned a lot from homeschooling. I had time for personal and spiritual development. I made more memories with my kids. When my kids went to school, they never quite bought into the whole peer-influenced thing (except one, who NOW agrees it was negative).

Now I see kids flourishing and kids floundering in my highly-ranked public school. For some, it is a happy and fulfilling thing. They keep a good relationship with their families, grow appropriately, and have lots of friends. For others, it is a sad, lonely place, or they are not able to keep up with the work, or they make negative friends.

Each family must make this decision individually. An emotionally weak parent is NOT going to be a good homeschooler. A depressed mom can do more harm than a depressed teacher. But if you have access to a good support system, and believe God equips the called, it can be a great thing.
If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

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Postby pamom1980 » Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:09 pm

I chose to pull my children out of public school once they finished this most recent year. My decision to do so was not taken lightly. My husband and I thought about it for quite a long time before we actually did it. Each year that passed, my oldest struggled more and more. He had issues where some teachers just didn't like him and/or didn't know how to handle him, serious learning issues causing him to just not want to even try, and then of course being bullied at school just because he acted differently than others.

Then my other son began to slowly have problems in school as well. I'm not saying that the public school system is bad, but my children were not doing well with it. All three of my children were struggling for one reason or another. We chose to pull them out because we felt that they'd do better if they were homeschooled. With the kids being home and us teaching them, my children will get the needed one on one time that they were missing at the public school.

I don't know that we'll do it through their high school years, but for now-- it was the best choice for us and one that I am glad we've made.

One thing we just recently learned since deciding to homeschool: My oldest has been having such a difficult time in school with math. I always thought he knew the material and was just being stubborn.. He never wanted to do the math and he'd give the teachers problems. I thought it was partly a result from his having ADHD/OCD but what I found out was that it wasn't because he was being stubborn or due to his ADHD/OCD. Instead, I tested him and while he is now in the 7th grade, his math skills were back at around a 4th grade level. He wasn't being stubborn but he just didn't understand it. Teachers would call my husband and I in for conferences and tell us how stubborn he was being or that he was refusing to do work. They never once wanted to work with us and try to find out the source of his frustrations or WHY he was struggling. They were too quick to place blame on us as his parents and asked us what was going on at home for him to behave the way he was.

Anyway.. my point is.. A parent's decision to homeschool their child(ren) is their right and their choice. It is legal in every state and as a parent, we just want our children to grow up with a decent education and to be treated like any other child. Seeing them come home crying from being bullied is awful. My boys are in the Boy Scouts and my daughter is in the Girl Scouts. They go to the library for different activities, the playgrounds, the zoo, playgroups, etc... They will socialize and have fun. Yes, they're playing with others who are homeschooled but also get to play with other children as well. I don't think that I'm limiting my children on their socialization. I think that I'm helping them avoid the peers that would have a negative impact on them. I know that they can't avoid the "troublemakers" and I know that they have to experience life like any other child. My choice to homeschool them was out of love.

I'm sorry that the original poster had a negative experience with homeschooling but not everyone will have the same experience. I know many people that were homeschooled their entire childhood and have tons of friends both homeschooled and not. There are a lot of deciding factors that go into why parents decide to homeschool as well as how a person will grow up and how they will socialize.

I'm not trying to make anyone upset with anything I've said but just stating my own opinions...
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Postby DU)_CORE » Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:14 pm

The real reason we homeschool has been summed up pretty good in the original post to this thread.....and that reason is "closed minded-ness."

Homeschooled children seem to have a much more open mind imho. I see that in my own kids and with the responses to the opening post.

For the OP it's their way or the highway but the responses I see mainly recommend to do what works best, every child is different, every school is different, every teacher is different. The OP, in their "government school" way of thinking, is unable to see that. That's the biggest difference between home school vs government school.

Social skills are a non-issue UNLESS the parents have "issues" themselves.
My children are more socially advanced than any government schooler, not because there is anything wrong with those schools, but because we as parents are social people.

When many of our friends public schooled children need/want a play-date, they request to play with our children.

Again, do what is best for your children. Unfortunately, many folks cannot because their hand is forced by the mighty dollar in that they've over-extended themselves trying to keep up with the Jones and now both parents must work or hold down several jobs.

Sometimes other issues get in the way that are legitimate.

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Socialization and the Public School System

Postby hillbillywoman » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:26 pm

"Socialization" was the main reason my husband and I pulled our 7th grade daughter OUT of the public school system! We did not like the person she was becoming. Our formerly sweet, obedient, and loving child was becoming hateful, sassy, rebellious, disobedient, etc. She had begun to act embarrassed to be seen in public with her family. In addition to that, her grades had dropped from all A's in primary school, to C's in middle school. Also, she was being verbally (sexually) harassed by a male classmate. The principal and school counselor told me that nothing could be done about it unless the boy "actually did something" physically to her. Well, we weren't about to let it get to that point! So, we pulled her out of public school.

She did not want to be homeschooled. She resented us for it the whole time she was being homeschooled. She even declared that we were "ruining" her life! But, we knew it was for her own good. We didn't let her attitude sway us. As it turned out, she calmed down and became tolerable to live with. Her grades improved, and she ended up graduating one year ahead of her public school peers. She enrolled in college and did not have to take any remedial courses after graduating from homeschooling. She had no trouble gaining employment, and worked from the time she was 16. Her last job was bookkeeper in one of our local banks. She is now married and a stay-at-home mom of three kids. Guess who's educating her children? I AM!!! By HER own choice! I guess she no longer thinks that we ruined her life, huh?
Why have children if you are going to turn them over to the government to raise?

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Postby Jlynn1982 » Thu Jan 09, 2014 1:50 am

I think home school has pro and cons just like anything in life. I went to a small public school. But I knew several people that were home schooled. In my experience most of the people I knew but not all, were very sheltered in a negative way, then became very wild as an adult. One I knew that I knew was home schooled her entire life up until college, we were friends, but one thing thought was odd about her HS was her mom left her home alone ( she is an only child) and taught at the public school that I went to. I think thats wrong. Home school is great for some and it has work at well for some but I think its wrong to leave a child home alone with a list of assignments to get done by the time you get home. If you choose to home school, stay home and do it right. I think though my friends case is very rare. I hope my comments have not offended anyone, I think home school can turn out well I have seen good and bad in both cases.

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Postby elliemaejune » Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:32 pm

Jlynn1982 wrote:I think home school has pro and cons just like anything in life. I went to a small public school. But I knew several people that were home schooled. In my experience most of the people I knew but not all, were very sheltered in a negative way, then became very wild as an adult. One I knew that I knew was home schooled her entire life up until college, we were friends, but one thing thought was odd about her HS was her mom left her home alone ( she is an only child) and taught at the public school that I went to. I think thats wrong. Home school is great for some and it has work at well for some but I think its wrong to leave a child home alone with a list of assignments to get done by the time you get home. If you choose to home school, stay home and do it right. I think though my friends case is very rare. I hope my comments have not offended anyone, I think home school can turn out well I have seen good and bad in both cases.

Oh, yes, your friend's case was very rare. And very sad. :(
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Postby Jakk » Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:30 pm

nickklein wrote:The funny thing to this debate is that homeschooling or public schooling shouldn't be performed because a few people say it's good/bad. It really depends on the individuals specific needs and wants.

The socialization problem that seems to pop up frequently into this post is not because of the type of schooling but how much exposure to other human beings there is. Without regular human contact a child can't be expected to naturally be good at socializing with others. In one way I do think public schools are more beneficial in the socialization aspect to your children, however with homeschooling it really depends on how much effort you put into it. Going to sporting events, church groups, doing volunteer work, public places such as parks, etc all assist in the development of your child's social ability.

Thus, social ability must be worked for and will not just naturally come from nowhere. This is why it is impossible to determine which schooling system works best because it all depends on the effort put into it.

We started homeschooling after seeing the "socialization" our kids got in the public school. No thank you. Being in a brick and mortar school does not mean your child's socialization will be a positive thing.

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Advantages of Homeschooling

Postby richangele » Fri Apr 25, 2014 3:06 am

Homeschooling provides some benefits to your child as it controls what your children learn and when they learn it, shows your children that learning is not boring, but exciting, builds intimate and meaningful relationships with your children, tailors your teaching to fit your children's dominant learning styles, gives your children in-depth, personal attention in any subject with which they struggle or excel, creates a weekly schedule that fits your needs and allows you to do things without the constraint of a traditional classroom schedule, transfers your values and beliefs to your children and address their questions when they have them, protect your children from the negative influences they may encounter outside the home, teaches more effectively by interacting with your children 1-on-1, nurtures your children's natural talents so they thrive and grow, addresses "big issues" with your children when you feel they're ready, share with your children the common, everyday joys of life, help your children mature through the difficult times in their lives, share the joy of teaching your children with your spouse, takes vacations during the school year and make them educational, etc.

There you may get more advantages of homeschooling. Don't say against it, because homeschooling is good enough to build a good educational career as well.

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Postby Lajo » Wed May 28, 2014 7:54 am

Don’t you feel in a way the school system is a babysitter which gives a chance for both parents to work to cover the bills?

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Postby TomMD/PhD » Thu Jun 19, 2014 7:48 pm

My perspective: I was homeschooled until grade 10. My parents are both educated - my father is a physician and my mom graduated from a top 20 University with a double major in history and sociology. Because my tendency was to be shy and withdrawn, I very rarely socialized. This was of my own volition. On the rare occasion I was introduced to play groups I would become very shy and not really able to connect with the other kids. My mom would constantly tell me that she was my best friend and that our family should be able to fulfill that void in my life. I have an IQ tested at 148 and as such, I was told I was just "different and special" and therefore was "above" my peers. To be honest I did feel lonely because I could never find kids that "got" me.

Around age 16 I was reading a lot of Joyce and Thomas Pynchon. My mother really had no idea how to educate or challenge me any longer. She attempted to use some college and graduate type courses but we had reached an impasse. The isolation I felt was getting crushing and I longed to meet other kids who could stimulate some intellectual discourse that my current situation was lacking.

Starting school was HORRIBLE. I had such limited social skills that just communicating was challenging at first. But as the days went on I found my voice (and my sense of humor) and joined student council, the drama club, the biology and physics club, a book club, and friends of ALL different races, classes, sexual orientation, and background. I could meet people who were very different from the individuals my parents labeled appropriate. This is not to say that I lost my morality and ethics. I didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. I had a girlfriend (at long last!) who shared similar values and intellect as me. We remained chaste, however. By the time I graduated from school I was president of the student council, voted class clown, and was honored as the most exceptional male student of my 1300 student class.

I went on to a top 10 college and then graduated with a combined MD/PhD.

I think home schooling may work with spectrum children, bullied children, and children of low average to slightly above average intellect (80-109). If the parent doing the teaching has not obtained at MINIMUM a bachelors degree I would discourage home schooling unless you have a child of similar intellect. Don't let your children suffer if you find they are no longer thriving.

I had a lot of wonderful opportunities as a result of going to PS. I had some wonderful teachers (who had actually gone to college for teaching), wonderful peers, and look back on it as one of the best times of my life.

I remain close to my parents are harbor no ill will against them. They were great parents. I just outgrew them as teachers.

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Postby Finley Jayne » Wed Aug 06, 2014 7:23 pm

I just signed up for the site tonight and stumbled onto this gem of a post :)

I was home schooled all the way through (K-12), along with my two sisters. This was back in the day when it was illegal, and there really wasn't any sort of socialization options available. We were part of a large church though, and we had neighbor kids that we hung out with. We were also all book nerds and spent a lot of time reading.

I really don't have any memories of ever feeling left out or not having friends growing up. I was close with my sisters and I had friends at church and such. I went to friend's birthday parties, sleepovers etc.

Fast forward-my sisters and I went off to college and we all adjusted quickly. No issues there. We all graduated (BA, BS, BSN). We all got married along the way too. Really, our lives are quite normal :)

I'm here on the boards, because we've decided to pull our oldest (going into 4th) from public school, and have enrolled her into a virtual charter school, run by our public school system. I realize this isn't technically home schooling, but I signed up here on this site to get some ideas.

We decided to not go the traditional home school route for several reasons, that I don't need to get into here. However, for socialization purposes, my daughter will be home schooled this year. This is actually one of the reasons why we pulled her from the public school-my daughter needs to do a lot less socializing, and a lot more learning sigh...

There's some field trips and meet ups with local families through the virtual school, and I just started the process for me and my daughter to volunteer at our local humane society twice a month, during the school year.

Plus she still have church friends, a next door neighbor friend, and then her siblings. I'm not worried about socialization issues at all :)

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Postby jcollins » Mon Aug 11, 2014 10:19 am

TomMD/PhD wrote:
I think home schooling may work with spectrum children, bullied children, and children of low average to slightly above average intellect (80-109). If the parent doing the teaching has not obtained at MINIMUM a bachelors degree I would discourage home schooling unless you have a child of similar intellect. Don't let your children suffer if you find they are no longer thriving

TomMD/PhD wrote:I think home schooling may work with spectrum children, bullied children, and children of low average to slightly above average intellect (80-109). If the parent doing the teaching has not obtained at MINIMUM a bachelors degree I would discourage home schooling unless you have a child of similar intellect. Don't let your children suffer if you find they are no longer thriving.

http://www.hslda.org/docs/study/comp200 ... vement.pdf

Scroll to page 3

Notice how the the homeschooling parents without college degrees are only slightly less well than homeschooling college graduates in educating their children?

Also notice the findings of the rest of the study. Notice how much better students are doing across the ENTIRE board under homeschooling as opposed to their government schooled peers?

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Homeschool vs Public School

Postby leon » Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:55 am

In India, I send my daughter to a public school and we are all still a strong Christians. The child should get exposure to the world and have friends. They need to be tested and that's the way we know about our child. They can get frustrated learning at home. We can be really a christian when we are truly in the midst of unbelievers by being friends with them yet having our own convictions

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Alianne: The Benefits of Homeschooling Can Be Exaggerated

Postby Alianne » Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:45 am

To start off, I want to say that AgainstHomechooling is AMAZING! I think that you really held your ground even with all of the backlash you got from everyone. Also, I think your writing skills are brilliant, although I agree with you that it's not due to you being homeschooled, but in spite of it. That's exactly what would happen to me when I was younger. People would comment on my writing or math skills and would give credit to homeschooling or my parents who happily bragged about both, when the reality was that my mother taught me absolutely nothing about writing/literature, and wasn't even remotely skilled in teaching math either. *I* taught myself how to be very skilled with math and writing, without any help from my parents whatsoever. In my post below I mention my older brother, and in his case the "education" he recieved was also at a complete zero and and he didn't fare as well as I did. Our parents rarely tried to help him, and hardly mentioned him or his skills to anyone, let alone bragged. Our mother and father were the epitome of homeschool parents: Always mention the "good" side that's beneficial to them, and lie and stretch the truth of anything negative, that would prove the opposite of the image they're trying to present to everyone.

I completely agree with the original post! We're both in our twenties now, but my brother and I were homeschooled from Elementary school to HS graduation, and long story short it was an absolute nightmare.

Now, I've read quite a few of the comments from the people advocating homeschooling on this thread and I want to clear up a few misconceptions, because many of the things they're saying applied to my brother and I. However, now that we're older and we're more capable of understanding what our mother and father really did to us, we've both realized that many of the common phrases and rationalizations homeschoolers use simply aren't true. To keep it simple, I'll only post the main three misconceptions we came to realize:

1. Socialization: Homeschool parents use the excuse that their children are socialized because they join groups, have many activities, even have friends from public school etc. However, what the OP said was true; many times, the parents will neglect to mention the fact that these activities only happen occasionally or just a few times per week; the children don't have any real interaction on a daily basis with other children and are only allowed to interact at the parent's conveniece, not in the way what the children really need.

My main point aside from that though, is that the children are NOT being socialized properly or learning how to deal with regular social situations or the "real" world. To put it bluntly, the only people out during day time hours are college students, the elderly, and (90% of the time) people on welfare/unemployment or who have drug/alchohol addiction issues and who are being compensated with govermental benefits. Now, you could argue that there are plenty of decent and unfortunate people receiving unemployment, and I would agree with you. The fact of the matter is that the majority of the people my brother and I grew up around (we lived in a middle class, nice neighborhood, not a terrible one) had addictions, and were people who had many issues, although neither of us really recognized that until we were in our teens. Being surrounded by dangerous and unsafe people all day isn't what I would call a safe, healthy, or normal environment for a child to grow up in, let alone the "real" world. Public school may be bad in some instances, but at least the kids will be surrounded mostly by other children (and also, not all public schools are huge terrible places of bullying or drugs/alcohol/sex, now that I've heard the stories of people who actually went to public school, I understand that) and not grown adult men and women coming off drug and alchohol highs first thing in the morning.

2. The parents know their children better than anyone: No, many parents think they do, but they certainly don't, and neither did our parents. I had anxiety issues and anxiety attacks all throughout my childhood, and was very shy until my late teens. In my brother's case, although he was very social, he was bullied in elementary school, and had been a target for other children since the day he started. However, once we both reached late teens/adulthood, our issues went away for the most part. Why? Because we were away from our parents' influence for longer periods of time than before, so their own anxiety and emotional issues no longer had any effect on us, and so we were both able to act normally for the first time in our lives. SO, our parents would have said that they knew we both had different issues and that's why we had to stay at home, but our issues came directly from being around them, so their decision to homeschool the two of us did absolutely nothing to benefit our lives. We would both had been far better off in public school and with two working parents...

So, my point this time is that forcing the child to become the main focus of the parents doesn't necessarily help them to grow at all. It may temporarily stop the problems and it may even help their education to an extent, but it won't really help the child to deal with situations on their own terms. HOW can you have your own terms, when the belief system you have and everything surrounding you is dominated by your mother and father? To be fair, I'm aware of the fact and have read plenty of the parents' comments about public school having the same negative effects on their children...However, I've met plenty of people who went to public school and who aren't monsters, drug/alchohol addicts or terrible people by default. Public school doesn't force every child on the planet to have issues and problems. There are MANY kids who go to regular school and turn out perfectly fine, don't have bullying issues, are extremely intelligent, very self motivated, etc. I realize people use those same justifications to homeschool, but what I'm trying to say is that when a child goes off by themselves and isn't surrounded by the parents' influences all the time, they will be exposed to different points of view, not just their parents' main dominating viewpoint. They'll also have the oppurtunity to develop their own selves when they're away from their parents, and can CHOOSE by themselves to not do dangerous and unhealthy things. By finally being away from our mother and father, my brother and I were able to make safe and healthy choices and set boundaries with other people by ourselves, finally, and for the first time in our entire lives.

Also, I've read horror stories online (and some of the ones in this thread) about children who want nothing more than to be homeschooled because the bullying is so severe, and some of their stories actually sound really similar to what my brother went through. I've also seen first hand the emotional and physical effects of what he endured from other kids. So, I'm not naive of what can happen to children in PS systems, or dismissive of what happened to my brother in the slightest. However, I've also talked with him about it, and as a grown man in his twenties he completely agrees with me that the homeschooling was a horrible idea that helped neither of us, and was all for our parents emotional benefit. Also, as an adult now he's perfectly able to stand up for himself and will tell people exactly how he feels about something, even if it's rude, might incite people, etc. He's able to do so because as he got older he handled people by himself, without our parents influencing everything 24/7 and learned how to deal with it. Our mother and father were both very weak people emotionally, and that definitely rubbed off on both my brother and I.

3. Homeschooled children are almost always better, more educated, and are amazing awesome kids; especially in comparision to public school children: NO, that's not even remotely true. There are sites and forums where you can read many of the stories from homeschooled kids who had miserable and dysfunctional childhoods. And to make it clear, I'm NOT just referring to the religious families; my family was semi Christian, but we were also New Age, and my brother and I had never attended a church or sermon a day in our lives. Also, our parents weren't strictly religious, and never forced religion on us in the least.

Also, Over 90% of the Homeschool/Unschool blogs you see on the internet are written and promoted by the PARENTS. There aren't very many positive blogs written by the children, because whether anyone wants to admit it or not, the majority of homeschool kids aren't happy or well adjusted in society, so they can't write something that isn't true. Although...on this particular thread I have read comments from homeschooled kids who say they were happy, and to be fair, they might honestly have been. However, to have the AUDACITY to deny and pretend that there aren't many, many homeschooled children living and interacting in dysfunctional families is absolutely ridiculous. Of course, you could say the same for public school, but at least in that situation the children can actually get away from their households; which contrary to popular belief aren't always perfect places where the families get along or the children are always happy to be around them. Homeschooling may seem to work very well for a YOUNG child, but as AgainstHomeschooling said, I've never in my life met a homeschooled teen who was happy; some of them would put on a facade and pretend they were, but once I got to know them...Well, I'll just say drugs/alchohol/having sex at a young age/depression isn't only for public school kids, not even remotely. The PARENTS might not be aware, but that doesn't mean it's not happening.

Many, many of the blogging parents will exaggerate how awesome the homeschooling is and leave out all of the negative effects, or how the children really feel about everything. In our case, my brother and I were miserable 24/7, but our mother and father never mentioned that to anyone. We didn't mention it, because we were afraid at how angry our parents would have been if we told the truth about how we really felt. Also, we felt very isolated; we interacted with PS kids too, but for the most part we knew that anything we said would eventually get back to our parents. Having a close knit community, or living where your parents schedule everything doesn't exactly give a good oppurtunity to be honest about anything. And for the record, our parents weren't some weird extremist people who did the forms of abuse found in most of the stories on Homeschoolers Anonymous. For the most part, the acted fairly normally, and mainly had social anxiety issues.

My brother and I weren't more educated in the slightest. The only reason I was able to even graduate highschool was because I used an online school program. My brother wasn't able to get past highschool level, and so he suffered a lot academically as well. One thing I can't stand more than anything else I see parents write on the homeschooling blogs, is how homeschooling takes so much effort. That's not true in every case, or by default. Our parents didn't put in much effort at all. Our father put in absolutely zero of any kind of effort, and let our mother stay at home. However, not only did she not texh us, but she would honestly spend 8-10hrs of her day watching television, and was very self-centered on her needs, but not on my brother and I in the least. Also, there are many other homeschooled kids with similar stories, who suffered a lot academically by being homeschooled/unschooled. Although once again, from the comments in this thread it seems that many people feel the opposite way, and I have read stories of even successful unschool graduates who made it through college...So, I'm not denying the fact that it can be done. However, my point is that if a child can survive being homeschooled/unschooled and still make out okay, and doesn't have any severe issues to deal with, then public school would be effortless for them, and in my opinion that's where they should stay.

Lastly, I also understand that public school doesn't work for children with special needs, or who have more extreme issues to deal with. However, I absolutely agree with the OP that (aside from children in very complicated situations), homeschooling should only be used very temporarily, and not ever seen as a permanent solution. You can solve some issues with homeschooling, but that doesn't mean you should just stick to it for the rest of the child's life; whatever issues the children have will need to be dealt with eventually, and hiding them from the world and people for the rest of their childhoods doesn't solve or fix anything. Public school may not be seen as the "right" enviorment, but it's the main environment the majority of people grew up in. So if they haven't dealt with thier issues, when they finally reach the adult world people will still be acting and fucntioning the same way they were before, so trying to pretend that doesn't have any impact later on isn't realistic. Most importantly, it keeps the children away from other oppurtunities and situations that could have actaully been GOOD, and far better than the homeschooling.

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Postby LLMom » Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:36 am


I am sorry you had a bad experience with homeschooling. Just as people have bad experiences with homeschooling, the same is true for public school. (the good as well) Each person will have a different experience so it is hard to make a generalized statement either way. My experience will not be my child's so if I was teased and bullied in school and choose to homeschool for that reason (because I am afraid my child will have the same experience) I am not able to tell whether or not they would have had that experience. We can't tell what will happen.
I do agree that most homeschoolers need more/better social opportunities. This was a problem for my teens. They also felt left out of "pop culture" because they weren't around it much.
One thing about your story that wasn't clear to me: you said that both you and your brother were both homeschooled all of the way through, but then you said later on that your brother was bullied. Was that in homeschool groups or in some other situation since he didn't attend school.
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