Why I am against Homeschooling

Want to contribute your views on the homeschool vs public school debate, or just looking for information? Post here!

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Postby katebot » Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:29 am

My God! As a homeschooled child, I can say that I have more friends than some public schoolers.
I used to go to public school, and I had not as many friends as enemies. The people who thought I was geeky because I wanted to learn.
Now I am homeschooled and I have friends MY AGE
At band
In orchestra
At church
In 4-h
Penpal across the country
e pals with my friends from public school
And the list goes on!
As a WELL adjusted NON anti social human being, I say...HOMESCHOOL ROCKS!
I love homeschool! As I'm BEING homeschooled right now.

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Which one is better?

Postby JoeSwimmer » Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:44 am

I don't know, if your child is a high level athlete or high level student, you may want to challenge him or her. Do it yourself. The athlete is normally very social and gets all he or she needs for exterior stimulation. The higher level student could also get that through early internships or volunteering for different things. I think more times than not, kids are bored with "regular" school and would do better if one on one or working towards a high level educational goal or athletic goal. More intense learning for more time to train on your sport or work on your dream! I don't know, maybe that's why and how kids from Asia are ahead of ours......Or there are just more of them. Who knows. :idea:

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Postby RubyHypatia » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:31 am

I was a lonely, sad, shy student also, and was public school educated.

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Re: Why I am against Homeschooling

Postby MichelleP31 » Thu Jan 15, 2009 11:32 am

Against Homeschooling wrote:Hi.

I was homeschooled up to halfway through tenth grade. Having never been to school, I had no idea what to expect - although I was quite sure by that point that I would enjoy it more than I had enjoyed homeschooling. Why? Because I was lonely. I was absolutely starved for friendship. I don't live out in the boondocks like the stereotypical recluse homeschooler; I simply had no effective way of connecting. Without consistent exposure to peers, I lacked effective social skills. I was a sad, shy person.

Enrolling in school was the best thing that I ever did. I had the good luck of meeting some excellent friends, and I got into good classes. With some hard work, I've developed passable social skills I am very happy with. A year later, I'm enjoying myself like I never had the chance to before.

I wouldn't recommend homeschooling for any children aged higher than primary school, unless as a parent you feel that you can acclimate them to other children their own age on a regular basis. Those bold letters have a lot of feeling behind them. Many times have I heard proud homeschooling parents brag of their children's busy social lives - conveniently not mentioning that these social opportunities occur infrequently, only in structured circumstances, or with children of widely disparate ages. I'm not saying that children of different ages cannot be mixed. I'm saying that healthy children must be exposed to a peer group, and must have friends - real friends with whom they actually want to associate, not kids their parents have picked out for them to be friends with just because they also happen to be homeschooled.

I pick no fights with homeschooling over its academic prowess. It is obviously usually superior to the public school system. I am speaking out against homeschooling because of its utter social inadequacies. Out of the relatively large group of homeschoolers with whom I am acquainted, I do not know a single one who I would classify as well-balanced or well-socialized. Of course, the parents of these poor kids would have you believe otherwise - but you need only sit in on their homeschool meetings to hear the tales of their unfortunate children being socially rejected when they try to mix with kids from the mainstream education system.

Kids need friends. Before you post irate responses to this thread, please think about your children. Regardless of what they tell you, are they happy? Do they have real friends? Think back to your own childhood. Would you have been happy with the degree of exposure to peers that your children have? You might even ask them if they feel able to join a mainstream activity (sports, after-school clubs) and get along with other kids. You might be surprised.

-A happy ex-homeschoooler

You make a lot of presumptions that are very atypical of my own personal exerience and not typical of the vast majority of the homeschoolers that I've ever known, so I find your whole post inaccurate....so much so, that I wonder if you were ever really a homeschooler. However, I'll take you at your word and assume you really were.

Our homeschool support group organizes parties and get together's for the kids for NON STRUCTURED play on a monthly basis. They meet at groups, such as the middleschool get-together they are having this week. We have a prom. We have highschool dances, for the highschoolers to socialize. We have highschool and middleschool scavenger hunts. We have private birthday parties, in which the kids are invited. Some people even have sleep overs. We have monthly park days for the kids to meet at and have non-structured play/socialization time. So this is not typical in our community at all...or the community I moved from 7 years ago.

You stated:
I don't live out in the boondocks like the stereotypical recluse homeschooler;

Again, this is so inaccurate that it's strange. I'm the ONLY homeschooler I know of that does not live in a neighborhood. And my neighbors next door homeschool! Your description is not at all accurate of a "sterotypical" homeschooler.

You are saying that children "need" friends, so they "need" to go to a public school. Do they need drugs? How about premarital sex? STD's? Bad attitudes? The public schools have a lot to offer kids, but socialization is not one of them, IMO. Furthermore, as a foster parent I've had kids in and out of the public school system. Those kids BEGGED me to homeschool them. They would have much preferred being at home with me. So what does their unhappiness with the public school system prove? Does it prove that the public school system is a failure? Well, if I went only by my experience with these kids, YES. However, these kids are NOT the only kids in the PS system, so it's not wise to base an opinion just on them. You experience with homeschooling does not make it accurate either.

My kids participate in a homeschool co-op where they meet weekly with teacher's and classmates. This co-op has VERY rigorous academic requirements. Last year, my highschooler had to read 22 books for his classes. They had overnight trips together at the 4h camps, field trips to the Carlos Museum in Atlanta, Emory University, etc. His education could be rivaled by few. And he was with other kids HIS age.

You asked if I would have like the isolation of homeschooling when I was a teen. YES! I HATED the public school system. It was horrible and it did nothing for my socialization skills. The abuse that I received from my fellow classmates was horrible and made me very shy back then. When I was send to a private, Christian school it was only a little bit better.

My son, who is in a public school right now, is not allowed to pray. My son learned a LOT about Hannukah this past Christmas, which I applaud. But not one word was mentioned about the Christian reason for Christmas. Before you assume this is because all of the kids are Christian and know this already, I can assure you that's not true. I've taught many kids who had NO idea that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ. So the public school openly biased against my son's faith. I will be adopting my son soon, and so before he lived with me, he himself had never heard about the Christian reason for Christmas.

I'm sorry you are so anti-homeschooling, but I'd encourage you to rethink your reasons about why because socialization is certianly not a good one.

Adoring my husband, Ronnie, for 16 years
Mothering my seven:
15, 12, 9, 8, 6, 3, 1
Homeschooling for 11 years and still learning!

My Website:

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Postby Lily » Fri Jan 16, 2009 3:55 am

The OP was here over 2 years ago. I highly doubt he/she is coming back to read any arguments for or against.
"The greatest sign of success for a teacher... is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist."
- M. Montessori
Proud non-member of the HSLDA

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Postby mom2five » Mon Mar 29, 2010 3:34 pm

As a mother considering homeschooling, I find this thread interesting. I have five children. The oldest two have graduated from public schools with honors diplomas. The oldest is bright and very hard working and is doing well in a top private university. The other is highly gifted and, despite skipping two grades and getting an honors diploma, hated school and isn't all that interested in higher education. I was told by the district's gifted coordinator that he scored in the 99.9% and their gifted programs were not set up to accommodate a child like that. We were told to find "other educational options" and I'm so sorry I didn't. I gave into the pressure to "socialize" him and try to improve the public school and instead I allowed both his love of learning and his self esteem to be severely damaged.

Right now I'm thinking of removing my 7 year old son from public school. He is bright, shy and very goal oriented. He has interests in zoology and military history and he likes to read. His grades are excellent. The problem is that doing well, being shy and having "uncool" interests makes him a target of bullying. Some of these kids are already criminals in training. Socialization is a joke! He considers it a good day when he spends his eight hours away from home without a single person talking to him because "at least they aren't making fun" of him. He often doesn't get to take his ONE recess because he's working "too slowly". He's frustrated with his teacher because she gives them incorrect information about animals and that's a subject he knows very well. I have several friends who homeschool children the same age and I realized that their children are at least a year ahead of the kids in our "excellent" public schools. I've also noticed that they are the best mannered and most confident children I know. My oldest son said "Get him out of there! School was a waste of time until I got to AP classes. He would teach himself more if you handed him a biology book."

I have not made the decision yet. I am getting all the pressure to conform to the social norm, but I've seen the quality of academics decline and the cruelty of children increase since my oldest was in public school. I have no doubt that I could have a happier, well socialized, academically advanced child if I decide I'm up to the challenge of homeschooling.

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Postby sartasd » Tue Mar 30, 2010 8:15 am

I agree with your older son, remove your son and let him learn at home.
Perhaps your older son and help, bring books home for you 7 year old, do experiments, take him places where he can see nature up close, There are lots of curriculums out there, both secular and faith based,
I have a dd who will be 8 next month (April 9th) She finished a reading program with Christian light Education, she is reading chapter books now.
she loves to read. My son age 14 (on April 3rd) was in PS for a few years and placed in a special needs class for deaf/hard of hearing children and He was kept from learning much. We are doing a lot of catch up work. He is doing great now and is learning fast. I hope to get him caught up by next year. We will never go back to PS.

I suggest, pulling him out now and spend a few weeks, couple months using the library, there are books for math, reading, science, history and so much more that will allow your son to keep an love of learning in his life.


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Postby mom2five » Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:25 am

Obviously grado did not read the responses. (moderator says, grado was spam bot...) My children are in public school but I have many homeschooling friends. One family homeschooled their three children through elementary and the two boys are Eagle Scouts and excellent college students. The daughter, who has a physical handicap, is a leader in whatever she does. Oh, and she's not afraid to try *anything*. There are homeschooled children with all kinds of personalities, just as there are in public schools, however, none of the homeschooled kids I know would be considered to have a low EQ or poor leadership skills. Unlike their public school counterparts, they haven't been beaten down to the point where they're afraid to go against the crowd or try new things.

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Kindergarten Isnt Anymore

Postby janaob » Fri Jul 09, 2010 1:22 am

My problem is one I am surprised more have not commented on. I was always very proud to be able to say I was a happy, stay at home mother/ homemaker. This is actually what I had always WANTED to do. I did not WANT to have to dump my kids off at a daycare from the time they were 2 weeks old. The day after the birth of my (now)3 year old son, I actually overheard a BRAND NEW MOTHER, at the hospital nursery, talking about how she could not wait to get back to work in 2 weeks. She then said she'd "made arrangements" with her older childs daycare. I was mortified. I had always thought of daycare/ preschool being handy if both parents HAD to work, single parents needing help, or for a couple or few hours a day, for the kids to get to play/ interract/ mild learning. I NEVER thought of it as being part of the "school system". I was apparently wrong.

When the 5 year old started kindergarten in the public school last fall, it was a disaster. HE was happy about it. But, the teacher and principal expected him to already have the routine down. They pointed out to me that MOST kids attend preschool and are familiar with the structure by the time they reach kindergarten. So, now, most kids attending kindergarten are "structurally" where we were at 3rd grade. By the time they walk in the kindergarten door, they know about bathroom breaks, lining up, sitting still, ect. When I was in kindergarten, it was where you went to
1. Get used to going somewhere new everyday at the same time
2. Get used to another adult, without mommy around
3. Learn social skills

Now, it is so far beyond that. These kids got ONE break ALL day. 45 minutes outside at 8:30 am. The rest of the day, was "learning time" inside. On day ONE, my boy didnt use the bathroom during the scheduled break. 10 minutes later, he told the teacher he had to go, she said "No, we already went." He wet his pants on day one of school. GREAT START!

You dont take kids who are used to going to the bathroom whenever they needed to, and suddenly expect them to go on cue. You dont take children who are used to playing outdoors, and suddenly hold them captive inside, sitting down, for 8 hours a day. They got mad at him ,and called me to come get him, when he didnt want to watch the OBAMA SPEECH ON EDUCATION! a KINDERGARTEN student! They wanted him to stay at home for 2 days until he could "learn to respect what they expected of him" I went home and pulled up "suspended from kindergarten" There were 3, 980 results!

Expectations are completely out of line these days. Graduates today know less than grads did 30 years ago. A disturbing number of kids cant even tell you who the President is, how many states are in this country, or point out Loiusianna on a map. Many school are taking arts completely out of of the systems. Bullying is at an all time high. Drop out rates are high. Many schools cant even afford books, and expect kids to go home and access their assignments ONLINE! What about kids who DONT have computers? Apparently Pre-K is a requiremt to be "accepted" in the kindergarten here, in my town. Is the city school system going to pay for that? Are they going to provide computers for the kids who dont one?

My solution is this. Im going to home school until my kids are old enough to decide on their own if they WANT to go to public schools. I dont WANT them to miss out on dances, and ball games, and proms, ect. But I ALSO dont want them to miss out on being a CHILD, which would happen if I made them to the Tuscaloosa City School System, at their age. when they reach 5th grade, 6th grade I'll give them the option. and I'll continue to ask them every year what they'd prefer. And I'll do what I can to educate my children for the world they'll face.

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Re: Kindergarten Isnt Anymore

Postby Jakk » Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:40 pm

janaob wrote:

My solution is this. Im going to home school until my kids are old enough to decide on their own if they WANT to go to public schools. I dont WANT them to miss out on dances, and ball games, and proms, ect. But I ALSO dont want them to miss out on being a CHILD, which would happen if I made them to the Tuscaloosa City School System, at their age. when they reach 5th grade, 6th grade I'll give them the option. and I'll continue to ask them every year what they'd prefer. And I'll do what I can to educate my children for the world they'll face.

Our homeschool group has dances, proms, a masquarade ball, graduation ceremonies etc... Being homeschooled does NOT mean they cannot attend all the same things offered in public school.

IF the OP was homeschooled, she has no one to blame but her parents. They obviously did not take advantage of all that is offered to homeschoolers. They did not make the effort to give a proper homeschooled education.

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Postby cpascal » Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:47 pm

To Janaob,

It's highly unlikely that your children will one day ask to be sent back to the public school system. There are plenty of socializing opportunities through the home schooling groups, and your son's experiences are a good example of how bad the public schools have become. By the time they're high school age, the public schools will probably be even worse at the rate the schools are deteriorating.

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will be pulling out my daughter

Postby momsworld » Mon Sep 20, 2010 11:51 pm

out of public school as soon as her books come in. My DD comes home crying every day. How does a mother deal with this??? This has been going on since first grade. We took her to a psychologist and he said "she is in touch with her feelings and very expressive, she will be fine". Meanwhile, she cried and cried because no one would play with her. Finally, at the end of 2nd grade she learned how to hold that emotion until she got home..yup fun for me!!! My DD is now in 5th grade and has the reputation of being a "cry baby". As soon as she makes a new friend, someone mean comes along and says "your playing with the cry baby". She has a best friend that lives behind us and they are in the same class room this year, her BEST friend says to my DD "just dont tell anyone were friends, cuz I am cool". She has a two friends now and I think she made another friend this evening at soccer (whom I think she is being HS also), but before she made this new friend she looked at me with her cute little freckles and her hazel brown eyes and asks "is it because I am ugly"? She is only 10 and she thinks she is ugly??? What has the PS's done to my child??????? Please dont tell me that its my fault..cuz I love my daughter and she knows that I believe she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!!!!

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Postby Gabe896 » Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:40 am

I'm 14 and have been homeschooled since 5th grade. I don't have 1 friend, live in an old person neighborhood, and do school on some crap website. I don't really know how to talk to people my age at all, well not really anyone older than me either. Even if I went to school I'd rather be made fun of there then not know how to talk to people. Every homeschooled kid I've ever met is the same way. My little brother isn't even going to kindergarten. My other brothers school isn't bad but they still don't have any friends at all. Homeschooling is such crap for a lot of reasons, I know public school isn't great but at least kids can have friends and get the social skills they will need when the get out of school.

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Postby Theodore » Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:10 pm

Homeschooling doesn't mean you have to be isolated. The same parents who isolate you as a homeschooler are probably going to do much the same thing if you're public schooled, class time doesn't really count as socialization and it's the extracurriculars that matter.

One also wonders if working 40 hours a week at some minimum wage job is going to promote socialization as an adult. If you're being serious and aren't just a forum troll, keep in mind that at least you have an education, and things will be much easier later on in your life as a result. Loads of public schooled college graduates can't write as well as you apparently can.

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Postby DJmorphosis » Mon Nov 29, 2010 9:48 pm

Wow, a 5 year debate thread, and on homeschooling no less. I have to say I'm impressed.
I was looking for statistics and expert opinions on homeschooling and this site popped up on Google.
For the record I'm 21, graduated in 07, and was homeschooled
(really spell check? Your going to tell me that homeshooled should be two words but homeshooling can be one?)
from 1st grade through the 12th. I think it was the bast thing that could have happened, to me at least.
I had an "interesting" experience in kindergarten and told my parents "i don't want to come back here".
Granted, I probably would have done okay in public school if my first semester in College is any indication.

To the 3 or so posters that have been in homeschool: I must have missed the whole social barricade that seems to be in our way as homeschoolers (or ex-homeschoolers for that matter).
I have have better friendships than a man has any right to ask for bordering on family, and guess what? there all homeschooled too.

My parents realized early that they couldn't do it all by themselves so we found what approximates a support group.
Its called L.I.F.E. (Living In A Family Environment) and they met every other Tuesday at a park.
They also did co-op learning once a month. It was good time. Someone might say that once every two weeks is not enough but it was for me.
It just made that time more special.
And the friends I am particularly close to I would hang out with all the time outside of there.

It wasn't all giggles for us though.
We were limited by lack of funds. and ordered school books consistently arriving up to 2 months late.
Oh, a message to all homeschooling parents.
Have a plan for graduating with a degree sooner rather than later.
I love my parents dearly but they shot themselves in the foot a little when it came to me getting a diploma, particularly with not keeping transcripts. I do have one though.
I tested out with the CHSPE ( California High School Proficiency Exam) which I hear is harder than the regular high school exit exam, but that's beside the point.
Also when i tried to enlist about a year ago the military couldn't seem to comprehend my not having spent however many days in a classroom a year which put me in an "educational tier"
the same as a drop-out or a GED student.
It didn't matter that I scored a 95 out of 100 on the ASVAB, that's the military's aptitude test, where the average here in So Cal is about 30.

I know that my testimony is not necessarily a representation of the whole.
I merely felt compelled to show that there ARE those homeshoolers who have had an experience on the other side of the spectrum than yours.

The father of one of my friends put it this way "family, particularly parents, exists for three things: love, education (in at least one form), and discipline.
If a child gets most of his education from the school system, than it's one less reason a child has to feel the need for family.
If kids make friends that they see more than there family, they can seemingly replace the love part too.
All that leaves at home is discipline." and isn't that what many children say is wrong with there parents is that all they get at home is discipline?

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