Dating and courtship

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SOPHIE
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Dating and courtship

Postby SOPHIE » Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:12 am

I think one topic we don't hear about very often is the age-old idea of courtship. Are there any parents out there who have this idea in mind for their children? If so, does anyone know of some good resources that talk about courtship?

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Theodore
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There is of course I Kissed Dating Goodbye...

Postby Theodore » Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:54 am

There is of course I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris:
http://www.home-school.com/catalog/detail.php3?idn=51

There's a good discussion of the book and interview with Joshua here:
http://www.family.org/married/youngcouples/a0019756.cfm

SOPHIE
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Courtship experiences

Postby SOPHIE » Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:28 pm

Thanks for the links. They were helpful. I was familiar with Joshua Harris.
I would be interested in hearing of anyone who has gone through the courtship experience themselves or with one of their children and how they went about it.

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Great book any parent should review

Postby 2ndgeneration » Wed Dec 14, 2005 8:27 pm

We recently found a book entitled Sex is not a four letter word. It is a Biblical expose of sexuality and what parents need to know an teach to protect their children from abuse and the influence of a sexually saturated society. If you think your children are safe, you need it more than anyone else.
Charles Carpenter is a speaker and coach to executives of corporations like Hershey, Caterpiller, Hallmark etc. Author of five books and a second generation home school family with four children.

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Courtship/dating & Josh Harris

Postby Pamala » Sat Jan 14, 2006 2:04 am

My oldest daughter is 26 and dating.for the first time. After college at 20 she did 5 yrs of missions and didn't believe she could date and concentrate on her work at the same time. She is not casual dating, they are working on the relationship with marriage as the end result. My middle daughter is 25 and did full on courtship 5 yrs ago, and has now been married for 4 yrs. Both of my girls caution homeschool parents to beware of the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" They told me that the book has material in it that many homeschoolers will not have ever thought about. They say the book is for more wordly teens. They said most of the teens at church would have benefited from the book. They said why put some of those types of thoughts into a homeschool boys minds. I haven't read it myself. I am going by what my girls told me when they read the book the week it came out. My son is now 16 and is contemplating dating. He has two sister who walked down different paths. If he does date it will be after his 18th birthday. We may ask our older girls if our son should read the book at 18. Right now he is concentrating on school, his faith, work, and making Eagle in Boy Scouts.

Hope this helps some,
Pamala

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Theodore
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Well, the book is more for...

Postby Theodore » Sat Jan 14, 2006 3:55 am

Well, the book is more for children (or adults) who have already given dating / courtship a lot of thought - or practical experience, depending. If your son is busy with school, faith, work, and extracurriculars, and has no major interest in girls, you are correct that there's really no point in bringing the issues to mind. There's time enough for that as he gets older.

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Courtship

Postby SOPHIE » Sat Jan 14, 2006 10:20 am

I really appreciate your sharing about your children's experiences. I understand what you mean by that book by Joshua Harris. His perspective is coming from his experience in going in a more wordly direction and coming back to one that is more appropriate. I read portions of it, and it does discuss the more personal side of physical issues that perhaps more worldly teens could relate to. I think it is very smart for your children to have started at a much older age, when they are more mature, to develop a more serious relationship. How did your daughters meet their husbands? How much involvement did you personally have in their relationship as it developed, (if you don't mind sharing on a personal level like that). My daughter will be 14 shortly. We talk about marriage and remaining pure both in body and mind quite a bit. Did your daughters read any books to help them in their decision making? Did they have any specific guidelines they chose to follow? I appreciate anything you feel comfortable sharing.

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dating can be positive

Postby xxkim4evaxx » Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:03 pm

Many teenagers feel caged when home schooled. They feel like they are different from the teenagers who go to public school. I have one question. What are the negative reasons for not letting your children date? The lack of concentration on studies is the first thing that springs to my mind. But i feel that home schooled children work twice as hard as children who go to ordinary school. So they deserve a break :!: I am a 13 year old girl and i have had boyfriends, though i go to public spanish school, and would like to be home schooled. In england, i passed all my exams with flying colours, so having a boyfriend didnt make my concentration waver at all. maybe i am just mad, but that is my oppinion :wink:
kim here!

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The difference between dating and courtship is...

Postby Theodore » Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:22 am

The difference between dating and courtship is dating has no long-term goals in mind, while courtship does. I guess you have to ask yourself, is it worth carrying things beyond being friends when you're still too young to seriously consider marriage? What is the object of dating?

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Postby nep » Thu Feb 02, 2006 9:46 am

I was homeschooled from 2cnd grade up through graduation (and am now embarking on homeschooling my own 3). My parents original rule for the family had been no dating until 16, but they ended moving it up to 18 for us three younger ones (we asked them to, actually, before we reached our teens). There was a young man that I became interested right before I turned 16 and as he was going to be entering the military and therefore away from me, my parents allowed a relationship by mail. They took a big part in it by reading our correspondance and when we were together there was to be nothing beyond hand holding until I was 18, and we needed to stay around groups and in public places or be chaperoned. Because of the way I was raised, though I occasionally felt a bit restrained I thought it fair. I almost married the young man my 18th year, but God had other plans. Dating or courtship in my mind always meant that marriage was intended- flirting with another's heart or my own for that matter was harmful- and , i have my parents to thank for that attitude.

However, that being said, looking back and considering my feelings for my own children this is my current view on the issue: It is more about the heart and attitude than the process or what you call it- dating or courtship. Having a teen mingle with males and females of different personalities and ages in an unromantic way, keeping them busy with the experiences of life-- missions trips, educational travels, group involvements, maybe an internship opportunity, are even better than what often comes with the "courtship" mentality. I think open discussion is healthy so kids go to their parents for advice - it is possible, I went to mine and still do at times, because we talked about things together. And my parents were involved in the things I did- not sitting over my shoulder, but truly involved in some (not all) of the activities that I did, and that built trust between us and love. I guess what I am getting at is none of us knows the plans God has for our kids- missions, marriage, a light in a career place, political leadership,etc. so it is the principals we pass on, the example we set, and the safety bounds we place while our kids are in our care that is our responsibility. I think opening life to them with a biblical foundation, encouraging them to explore apart from romantic relationships while they are teens and young adults will build maturity and ready them more than a courtship plan often ends up doing. I am not saying there shouldn't be limitations or rules, but to shift the focus to principals and maturity- to keep them busy, if you want to look at it that way while their bodies catch up with their brains. I amnot sure this makes sense, and I know that in the end, it is a choice every parent should make for their own kids, individually, or as a whole...but that is my two cents. :P

nicole

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Postby Princess_Fyara » Sat Feb 04, 2006 4:17 pm

I am a Christian young lady, about to turn 18 (a little message to 13 year old Kim - Private Message me! I know just what you are going through.)

Some recommended resources for Christian Homeschool Families,

* A message titled "Victory for daughters" from Vision Forum Ministries,
* "Raising Maidens of Virtue" a Book written by a Mother and her daughters
* "His perfect faithfulness" a book by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I recommend all of their books, though some of the more recent ones are slightly more thematic and are written directly for kids who are in public schools. Leslie went to public school until she was 16, when she gave her heart to the Lord, she asked her parents to Homeschool her. Eric met her right around that time and they were both seeking the Lord about waiting for his timeing etc. It's a wonderful Story! Also, this couple has a great story http://www.ryanandjules.com/
* "How to evaluate a suiter" Dougles Philips, Vision Forum Ministries.

EDIT

I forgot to add my piece. :) When the right man get's old enough and established, God will send him to my doorstep. He'll talk to Dad, we'll get to know each other on a friend basis in home settings (not alone) and when every thing is clear between Dad, Mom, his Parents and Me, Dad'll give the OK for him to ask me to marry him. That's basically the idea, and we do talk about it alot but Dad tries to bring out that Marriage is not the ultamate goal. Being a servant of Christ is. Theres no reason for 15 year old girls to be looking for husbands, but there is reason for 15 year old girls to be learning how to serve the Lord and be a home maker (relationship with Dad is real important, and if not him, a grandfather etc). :)

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Postby Tabz » Wed Feb 08, 2006 12:24 pm

I'd just like to add. Josh Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is really intended for high school students. The follow up "Boy Meets Girl" is for college age (who are able to really pursue marriage).

I personally believe that Courtship and dating need to find a common ground. I believe it is possible to simply date for fun with the idea that you are there to build the other person's experiences. The idea behind this kind of dating is "leave them better than you left them for their future spouse."

I love the idea of courtship for people who have good strong parents, but not everyone does. Josh Harris' wife is a great example of that. I think you need to establish your own personal boundries and ideas about what will work best for you and keep your personal convictions. But I don't think courtship or dating on it's own is the answer.


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