When husband isn't on board - sorry, long

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hsmommyx3
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When husband isn't on board - sorry, long

Postby hsmommyx3 » Mon Dec 22, 2008 7:05 am

I pulled my 2 oldest children out last year to homeschool them after several family deaths in a short time. My husband was not on board but tolerated it due to the circumstances. We didn't even get a chance to do it a full year because to keep the peace and for financial reasons I was forced to put them back in ps at the beginning of the school year.

I hadn't ever considered homeschooling as an option but once I started, I fell in love with it. I now have a job that I work from home and I provide a very nice income for our family. My job has a schedule that I can work around homeschooling if I wanted to.

I have gathered information on homeschooling benefits, scholarships, dual credit high school, etc. There are times my husband seems on board with the idea of homeschooling and there are other times he talks as if it isn't even an option and says that these years in school are the best years of their lives.

My oldest ds is 10 years old and will be entering middle school next year. We both noticed improvements in his behavior when he was homeschooled but since he's been back in school his behavior has been less than acceptable to say the least. He is literally trying to be the "class clown" and he isn't taking his education nearly as seriously as he was. When he was at home, he genuinely wanted to learn but now if you try to talk about something educational, he just turns it into a joke. I really don't think that sending him to a middle school, especially one with a known drug problem is the way to go.

My husband suffers from depression and other health issues and I think that this plays a role in him wanting them at school. To me it seems like he knows homeschooling is the best thing but he doesn't really want them around all the time. Even worse, he's really been butting heads with our 10 year old & honestly he seems irritated and angry with him quite a bit. I think that if our kids were home he would have more quality time with our son which would do both of them good.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to handle a vacillating spouse? I really believe that homeschooling is a calling for me. I love my husband very much and I think that he knows homeschool is what is best for our family. As much as I hate to say this, I think there is a selfish motive to keeping them in school. Has anyone here ever encountered a similar issue with their spouse? I am really starting to feel resentful over the issue and I am not sure what to do. Thanks!

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Postby Mark » Thu Dec 25, 2008 3:52 pm

I'm glad you found us here, but I'm not really sure how to advise on this
particular issue. I will pray for your family though.

mark

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Postby amazeandgrace » Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:01 pm

My hubby too, was not all for it. But he's better (not the best) now. Currently we're struggling because my mother is at home on hospice and had been ill for a long time before that...and we're behind on everything.

But before that, he is the reason I put them (2 daughters)in public school. He was dead set on it and I felt like I couldn't combat that. My hubby does suffer with PTSD and other things like that. Sometimes it's hard for him to have them here, but then again, they do sort of live here!

After some problems with my then 8 year old throwing toddler like fits (which she learned from a classmate) and giving us huge bad attitude...and the school refusing to bump my older daughter up after holding her back 2 grade levels...my hubby was ready for me to pull them both out for a time. This bought me some time to show him how great it could be. After a few months, he felt it was OK to consider homeschooling them longer.

He still flip-flops a bit. Especially when things are going bad. But he has seen an improvement in my daughter's attitude. And he has seen that he can have a better and closer relationship with them since they are home when he's not working.

I think the problems with the 10 year old will continue if public school continues...but they may be remedied at home now that some things have settled down. It really seems like you and the kiddos are less stressed now, the finanaces are in better order and it may be an even better experience and example that before.

It is close to the summer now...I bet there is a lot you can find out over the summer about local groups and extra cirricular events in your area. You can also probably get in touch with some of these families and have the kids play and interact. This is exactly what I'm having to do to renew my husband's confidence. You can also work with the kids on academics this summer. There's a lot of inexpensive or free things you can help them advance on.

Sorry this was long, and I hope I was helpful.
Elyssa
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Lorelei Sieja
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Are you still struggling with this issue?

Postby Lorelei Sieja » Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:38 pm

I'm new to the board, but see that this post is older, so don't know if I should post or not. Let me know if you are still struggling with this issue, as my husband was also not in favor at first. Later he became a strong supporter and even helped teach some of the upper level classes.
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hsmommyx3
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Postby hsmommyx3 » Tue Apr 07, 2009 3:20 am

I am still working on getting my husband on board. For the most part he seems to be coming around but other times, not so much. Our daughter has had 2 kidney infections and we've had issues with her teacher not letting her use the restroom - so from that perspective he's more on board. However, his big issue though is that our son will be entering middle school this fall and he seems to think it's so important that he go to middle school and that 6th grade is such a huge transition and that he needs to be there. However, the middle school here is not so great. There's a drug problem, lack of good electives, it's way too big and I know teachers who aren't sending their children there. My husband comes from an abusive home so to him school was an escape. No matter how bad school was, it was always better than being at home. He doesn't understand why our kids would prefer to be homeschooled and he has a kind of false reality of what school is like. Does that make sense?

I think that this summer, I am going to have our children help me get organized as if we are homeschooling and I am going to do some schooling so that he can see more of the benefit to it.

If you have any other suggestions, I am open to them!!

Thanks!

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Postby 4given » Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:40 am

hsmommyx3 wrote:My husband comes from an abusive home so to him school was an escape. No matter how bad school was, it was always better than being at home. He doesn't understand why our kids would prefer to be homeschooled and he has a kind of false reality of what school is like. Does that make sense?


That makes TOO much sense. It sounds just like my upbringing. I would arrive at school at least 30 minutes early every day. When in High School, I would be there most nights until 8-9pm. I was involved in every extra-curricular that I could afford. It was definitely my safe haven... an escape.

I battle thoughts of whether I am depriving my children of some experience since I absolutely LOVED school. When I survey the reality of my situation, I just don't think so. Things have changed in schools. And I broke the chain of abuse, for that matter. My children will never have to know the agony that abuse brings. They LOVE HomeSchool! We keep ourselves involved in extra-curriculars and try to make sure they are building good relationships.

It's difficult not to let our childhoods dictate our children's lives. I know. But there comes a point when we must realize that "they" are not "us."

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Lorelei Sieja
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Reluctant husband

Postby Lorelei Sieja » Tue Apr 07, 2009 9:53 pm

My husband was very reluctant to let me homeschool our children. He LOVED school, I hated it. He was the all-star athlete and prom king. I dropped out of high school when I was 16. I went to an alternative HS and graduated, and met my DH in college, but we still came from VERY different backgrounds.
THe turning point for my DH was when we met an actual family who was homeschooling and he saw that they weren't weird. :) He saw that real people did this, not just religious fanatics and cultists. He decided to let me try it for a year. Then he took a step back and gave me a year, without leaning over my shoulder or criticizing me. When he saw how great it was for our children and our family, he was "sold".

Lorelei
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Lorelei Sieja
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Middle School Not Good for Children

Postby Lorelei Sieja » Tue Apr 07, 2009 9:57 pm

There have been a number of national studies that claim that rotating classrooms is NOT good for middle school children. you know, going to one teacher for science, another for math, and yet another for English. This has become the standard, and so no one even thinks to question it. But middle school children do not have the confidence, maturity or wisdom to handle it. They NEED to have one teacher teaching all their subjects. They need to bond with someone, and have someone know them that well that they can't "get away" with anything. Even a teacher they don't like is better than a teacher who doesn't even know them.

The whole reason why kids rotate classrooms is to make it easier for the TEACHER. It means the teacher can write fewer lesson plans, grade fewer papers. It has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of education.

Hm... maybe sending a child to middle school might seem less important, if you take this approach?

Lorelei
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Re: Reluctant husband

Postby Jazzy » Wed Apr 08, 2009 12:59 pm

Lorelei Sieja wrote:My husband was very reluctant to let me homeschool our children. He LOVED school, I hated it. He was the all-star athlete and prom king. I dropped out of high school when I was 16. I went to an alternative HS and graduated, and met my DH in college, but we still came from VERY different backgrounds.
THe turning point for my DH was when we met an actual family who was homeschooling and he saw that they weren't weird. :) He saw that real people did this, not just religious fanatics and cultists. He decided to let me try it for a year. Then he took a step back and gave me a year, without leaning over my shoulder or criticizing me. When he saw how great it was for our children and our family, he was "sold".

Lorelei


Your dh sounds exactly like my dh - captain of the football team, class favorite, etc. OTOH, I wanted to get as far away from school as possible.

It really helped my dh to go to a homeschool fair where he could see some "normal" people. We also did a year trial, and he was sold after that.

It's amazing that our stories are so similar.

My husband is still betting my son will want to go to junior high and high school though. My son says, "No way!" Only time will tell...

Carletta

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Hello

Postby wrightno » Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:49 pm

:D
natasha w.

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Postby amazeandgrace » Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:36 pm

I think that getting things organized this summer and teaching them some is a great idea!
Still consider getting in touch with a local support group...even if you can't join or are unsure. Let a few of them know what's going on and I bet a few will be there to support you and have kids that your kids can play with other than their public schooled friends.
A weird thing happened to us when I joined a support group. My hubby came to a meeting with us and the group really needed a person like him to participate. He's now a big part of the group and talks to a lot of the members. This really changes his perspective and gives him good "thoughts" about homeschooling.
I would try to find a group that has people most like him, or as close as you can get!
TTYL

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Postby momsworld » Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:15 am

WOW....I was reading your post, hsmommy, and I thought I wrote it..LOL. My kids are having issues at school also. My son, a year older then yours but they sound like twins!!!! My hubby was on board until he realized how much it was going to cost and now he is implying "just let the school handle their issues". UGH!!!! REALLY???? I havent pulled them out yet, trying to get all the materials I need and its not always easy trying to get that last minute bid in. Both my kids just want out of the PS system so badly. Meanwhile, my son keeps getting kicked out of his classes and my daughter sits alone at recess on the bench. I know in the end it will work out..you just have to keep the faith that it will!!!!


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