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Has anyone pulled a teen from school when they didnt' want?

 
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mommyimpact
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Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Posts: 6
Location: Beautiful Colorado

PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 9:20 am    Post subject: Has anyone pulled a teen from school when they didnt' want? Reply with quote

I just pulld my daughter out of the 7th grade public school. For the past four years, she has regularly been teased by her peers and has had a horrible time at school. She would regularly come home just begging to be home schooled, and never wanted to go back to school. I was in the middle of a very pointless custody battle, so I was unable to remove her at that time. It was a painful period for us both.

This is the first year that she has actually "liked" school. She got along a lot better with her peers, and I'm thankful for that. However, her father moved away, and it illicited a huge change in her personality. She has been angry for the past couple of weeks since he announced that he'd be moving. She blames me and my husband for her father leaving and it's just horrible. Where once my daughter was loving and affectionate to both my husband and I, she is now angry and distant. Not only that, but she started regularly missing assignments in school, and even after being grounded and having her priviledges removed (like TV, computer, MP3 player, etc.) she continued to have zeros and dropping grades. She stopped practicing her instrument at home, so she had an F in band. The girls in her class (all 12 yo's mind you) are dressing extremely provacatively, talking about sex, and the boys are angry and fighting.

I don't want her surrounded by girls who's mom's think it's ok to send them to school in short skirts and heels & loads of makeup in the 7th grade. I don't want her thinking that at 12 she should be considering dating and having sex, talking back to her parents and refusing to be a part of her family. A family that is full of love and support of her.

She used to be so ambitious, so full of an exuberance for life. In recent weeks that has just diminished. So, after a lot of thought, I decided to pull her out of school.

She does not think this is a good idea...as a matter of fact, she said yesterday that it is the worst thing that I have ever done or will ever do to her. We're seeing a therapist, but it's so very painful to see my 12 yo who used to be so close to me now be distant and angry all the time. We took a "deschooling" break of about 2 weeks, and started school yesterday. Yesterday was wonderful and she actually had an improved mood and was coming back to her old self, unltil I took her to the therapist yesterday. That dredged up a lot of her anger, and she was just horribly angry all night last night and is distant and unmotivated today.

I'm posting this because I'd like to know if anyone else has pulled thier teen or pre-teen from school without their "enthusiasm". Why did you pull them out, and what challenges did you face? Did you have to go through something similar to my situation...and if so, how did you get through it?

I miss her.
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Minniewannabe
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Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Posts: 113
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 5:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why does she need therapy again? She seems like a normal preteen who has been public schooled and abandoned by her father to me. You'll probably get her back by removing her from all aspects of the public school, including the half dressed 12 year olds. Take a few months for you and her to become friends again. It will take awhile, but hang in there. In about 6 months or so, introduce her to a local coop where she can meet homeschooled kids and find new friends. I wouldn't do it yet, however, because if she's into the half dressed scene, she might not fit in. Wait until she's "deprogrammed".

Good luck. You have certainly made the right decision. Make sure you keep her away from her old friends since a sudden drop in grades and the other problems you've described can mean she's been experimenting in alcohol or drugs. At the very least, you don't want your relationship with her competing with the half dressed 12 year olds. Don't be naive, grab this bull by the horns and hang on.
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mommyimpact
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Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Posts: 6
Location: Beautiful Colorado

PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're description of a bull is quite accurate! When she's docile and interested in learning...she's fantastic. She jokes, she laughes and she's quite fun to be around. Then Mr. Hyde comes out and she's a raging bull. Yelling and quite different from the "old girl" I used to have. I suppose this is normal for this age, but it's still very frustrating...and most of all, I miss her so much!

The new therapist is wonderful. He's helping her to see that if she wants change in her life she can work toward it herself, and that the life she has is a direct result of her own choices and actions. She's overwhelmed with the anger she feels about being pulled out of school, but once she realized that if she participates in home school and works with enthusiasm, she can go trick-or-treating with her friends, then she perked right up and is doing wonderful today.

I think we'll be making progress as long as she stays away from peers that don't support my decision (PS kids that miss her or her delinquint cousin who is an awful bad influence) and if her father doesn't continually undermine me.
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