Schedules for willful two+ yr old- Ideas?

Preschool readiness skills (birth to age 5) and the common developmental concerns of young children.

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Papillon Mom
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Schedules for willful two+ yr old- Ideas?

Postby Papillon Mom » Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:50 pm

I have a very oppositional 27 month old daughter. Everything is a fight. Even when we are going to do something she wants. She doesn't throw tantrums or hit but she contantly tests. whether it is stopping, when I tell her to come and looking at me, like 'what are you gonna do about it' or purposely dropping food, and again looking at me with that look. This is all day long. She is constantly border-line, defiant. I know these sound very normal but its the way she does them, so... In my face and it is so ALL DAY LONG. She shows affection but, it is usually manipulative.
So, I'm thinking, maybe she needs more of a schedule. We already have a wake-up time, bath time, nap time,bath time, bed time. Do you have your toddler on a minutely scheduled day? And more, does it help with oppositional behavior?
Thank you for any schedule examples and/or experiences/results with similar children.
Thanks,
Amanda

Jazzy
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Postby Jazzy » Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:43 am

This site has some great info on discipline:

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com

Mathmom
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Postby Mathmom » Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:40 am

Dear Amanda,
My youngest just turned 2 and I have 4 children; dd 7, ds 9, dd 12.
I can tell you the 2's don't have to be terrible, like they've been labeled.
Sure, some discipline is necessary, however, I'd be careful about actually trying to do any planned activities with this age. I have to keep all the art supplies way up high, and adjust everything to keep her out of that kind of trouble.
No, no, no--I do not think you need to schedule more at all. The reason you have the schedule you have now is because she is very young. I would keep that schedule and do not try to make it more detailed.
I would add reading/play together time, cut out TV/videos and make sure she is getting enough to eat and drink, according to her needs. A natural pattern might emerge, if you look for the signs.
I think what helps is trying to make sure our toddler takes her nap in the late afternoon when it is starting to get dark (Northern IL), so that she is actually sleepy. My husband helps when he is here, and notices when things are getting out of hand. He usually offers drinks to the kids, and makes sure we are going to get some exercise.
I have one other idea, about "Love Language", however, I have to look for that book by Gary Chapman. Someone else suggested it; I'll let you know if it seems helpful after I look at it.
Let's keep this conversation going. I know how hard it is to have a 2 yr old asking for food, and then playing with it; I suggest you don't fight that battle and just take the food away. That worked for me.

Lily
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Postby Lily » Thu Feb 14, 2008 9:53 am

I agree with Mathmom. One more important thing - changing my perceptions helped a LOT! I could choose to picture children as willful, disobedient, manipulative.......or, I could choose to picture them as strong, independent, curious. Changing how I felt and the words I used to myself changed the level of patience I had and the positive energy I directed back. The goal was still the same - to stop the unwanted behaviour - but because my attitude towards it was more positive and in teaching mode it was easier to bear the path, and relationships became better. Children sense what we feel and that's a hard burden at such a young age.
"The greatest sign of success for a teacher... is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist."
- M. Montessori
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Postby bright_tomato » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:11 pm

I know how you feel, at times it can feel like you are going mad just because this is happening from morning till night. Very important to try and take time out for yourself too. Can you try and arrange some time off to go and have a coffee with friends? (or by yourself even, just with a magazine). How are your weekends arranged? does your husband help out? I found that the more rested I was the more I was able to cope.
Sometimes, if things got too tough, I would go to another room, just sit on a couch and try to regain my composure.
One thing to try is to give her some positive reinforcement for doing the right things (that we would usually take for granted). Like for instance, if she did come to you when you called say "good listening, thank you for coming to mummy so quickly!"
Sorry for not being more helpful but perhaps it will just help to know that you are not at all alone and this does pass.

Ramona
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Re: Schedules for willful two+ yr old- Ideas?

Postby Ramona » Sat Feb 16, 2008 12:07 pm

No, I don't put such toddlers on a minutely scheduled day.

I was blessed when my first was quite small to learn a method that has worked for all my kids.

When I ask (not tell) her to come, if she doesn't, then I tell her. If she still doesn't, then I go get her and physically walk her to where I was in the first place while explaining that when our mommies call us we go to them. When we get there, I thank and praise her for coming when I call.

With my second child I followed that scenario over and over a dozen times a day for months, and now that child is 17 and a lovely, self-disciplined young lady. It all started when she was 2, and if I hadn't stuck with it I can only imagine how she'd be now. :roll:

BTW, I so know what you mean when you say

its the way she does them, so... In my face


I used to get so exasperated with that!

I used this same basic method with everything I asked my kids to do or not do.

Ramona
HS'ing mom of 7

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gellegbs
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Postby gellegbs » Thu May 15, 2008 6:12 pm

I have 4 kids and I am not a perfect parent, my kids do not behave perfectly 100% of the time; but generally they are good kids who are caring and happy. The only way discipline is effective is when you stick to it. For instance, if you do time outs and You tell your daughter it time to go to the store and she doesn't listen and is still playing, then you pick up up and stick her in a corner and give her time out for 2 minutes ( I do 1 min for each year of their age. I let her know why she is in time out and make her understand when mommy tells you its time to go, then you come. If you do this every time she ignores you than keep putting her in time out, even when its NOT convenient (boy, am I bad about that).

Of course if she gets sincerely upset and communicates that she cannot hear you maybe get her hearing checked. I personally use time outs with spanking, especially if she is touching something really dangerous. I will spank my 18 month old's hand if she touches the TV plug, etc. It's something to shock them so they will get the point fast.

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Postby momo3boys » Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:42 pm

You don't need more scheduling, but you might want to just sit and watch her play. Spend some time just observing her and see her world. This puts some precedence on her actions and gives you some insight. Sometimes it is painful watching your children discipline their stuffed animals, but it is good to do.She may even ask you to join her and this is great time too, consider it socialization time, they say it is important. :wink:

My 3ds is also very willful and talk back, he likes to shoot me when he doesn't like what I say, hows that for in your face? :) I do my best to stay calm and let him know that no matter what he does I am still in control, and he still has to do what I say. It may take a while and you have to be willing to let your schedule slide at times, and other times you need to let your daughter know that the world doesn't revolve around her. TOnight FI my 3yo wanted to take a bath with his slippers on. I said no, he said yes, you get the picture. He ran away, naked except the slippers (I wish the camera was charged) and I caught him, took off the slippers, put them high up, and put him in the water, told him that if he climbed out I would spank his bottom. He had a fit, climbed out once, I spanked his bottom, and put him back in, he had another fit, but stayed in. Then I washed him up and dried him off and when he was calm we put the socks back on.

Toddlers are God's lesson in patience! It takes time but it is so worth it and you will look back and say, I wish they were that cute again! :cry:
Phi 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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Re: Schedules for willful two+ yr old- Ideas?

Postby gardening momma » Mon Jun 02, 2008 10:11 am

Ramona wrote:I was blessed when my first was quite small to learn a method that has worked for all my kids.

When I ask (not tell) her to come, if she doesn't, then I tell her. If she still doesn't, then I go get her and physically walk her to where I was in the first place while explaining that when our mommies call us we go to them. When we get there, I thank and praise her for coming when I call.

I used this same basic method with everything I asked my kids to do or not do.


Thank you Ramona. This sounds like something I need to try, and will probably be the solution I need for my oldest daughter (4 1/2 yrs old).


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