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Is pridefulness a problem among hser's?
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StellarStory
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Exactly so.

*nods muchly*

Kids need structure.
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Pam
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 6:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Is pridefulness a problem among hser's? Reply with quote

Sandy wrote:
I met someone today who made me think about this. I believe I have been prideful. I don't know very many hser's; all of the people I'm close to send their kids to public school. In the very depths of my heart, I have the feeling of being a bit "above", caring more and being willing to work more for the souls of my children than "typical" paremts. I didn't realize how much I feel this way. I'll be working this out with the Lord (prayers from anyone here would be appreciated). But do any of you struggle with this attitude?


I usually don't worry too much what others think, etc...... I'm too busy working out my own life. The only attitude that chaps me, whether it is coming from hser's, pser's, or whatever is the whole concept of "giftedness" ...... I have bright children..... but they are children..... not trophies. There will come a day when something they do will shock the heck out of me.... and other times when I will be pleased as punch with them. I think all kids are gifted = loved children of God...... while I may sometimes worry that my kid does "grade level work"..... most of the time I just try and let them work at something in a balanced way..... challenged but not stressed. My kids........ I am very happy to say....... are wonderfully average. And that makes me proud. Laughing
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Theodore
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 6:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Every child has the potential to be gifted at something. It's just a matter of finding out what that something is. I think that public schools are too quick to label some students as gifted and others as stupid, based on how well they do on average, rather than how well they do in their area of expertise. You don't have to be good at everything to succeed in life, you only have to be the best at one thing - and being the best is as much hard work as latent ability.
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seekingmyLord
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What you have described, Jan, certainly can happen within ANY family regardless of where the children go to be educated. I was a country bumpkin in a small public school. It was a great school, but I would not have appreciated as much if I did not have something to which I could compare it. While I was still in elementary school, we moved to a small city... Shocked The things that children did and said on the playground during recess I then thought were not things any child would do!

Throughout life we all go through adjustments. Some children do go wild if they out of the influence of their strict parents and some go wild just because they suddenly have more choices, but generally most of them were just wild from the start. I had a really wild cousin and none of her siblings were that way at all and they had very good, somewhat strict parents. I think that even if a child seems to go wild later, it was in them to do so and they chose to act on it. Sadly, some go too far and jeopardize their health or their lives. The death of a child in the act of being wild is, at least, a warning for other children with the same thoughts.

Some children also deal with depression all their lives. Being in a public school does not necessarily help or hurt that situation. I know a boy who was in public school and suffered depression, mostly he was just ignored and he took his life at age nine.

I think there are some people who resented being homeschooled but in the end we are responsible for ourselves regardless of our upbringing.

One another note, I am not sure what you mean by this:
"But, I think that homeschooling can work, yet it has many bugs that need to be fixed."

In your opinion, who should be responsible for fixing the bugs within the institution of homeschooling?


Last edited by seekingmyLord on Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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seekingmyLord
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:44 am    Post subject: Re: Is pridefulness a problem among hser's? Reply with quote

Pam wrote:
I usually don't worry too much what others think, etc...... I'm too busy working out my own life. The only attitude that chaps me, whether it is coming from hser's, pser's, or whatever is the whole concept of "giftedness" ...... I have bright children..... but they are children..... not trophies. There will come a day when something they do will shock the heck out of me.... and other times when I will be pleased as punch with them. I think all kids are gifted = loved children of God...... while I may sometimes worry that my kid does "grade level work"..... most of the time I just try and let them work at something in a balanced way..... challenged but not stressed. My kids........ I am very happy to say....... are wonderfully average. And that makes me proud. Laughing

Well, I think your children are gifted, so there! Razz
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janw1256
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi all,

Yes, I think that homeschoolers should be responsible for fixing the bugs within the system. I think too often homeschoolers think that their way of doing things is perfect and they can become very judgmental toward someone that does things another way. I am responding to the attitudes on this forum as well as to attitudes in the people I knew who homeschooled. I don't think that everyone who homeschools should homeschool and I don't think that public schoolers should be looked upon so negatively by the homeschool group.
Anyway, what was this thread about? I will try to regain focus. It is about pridefulness and I confess that I suffered from lots of pridefulness growing up as a homeschooler. I thought I was better than anyone that went to public school and when they did something wrong, I was judgmental and looked down on them.
I know you will run into prideful people within the public school system, but I am going to make a claim that homeschooling fosters pridefulness. Separating yourself from the community could do that. It was only when I began to know people in public schools and around the community besides neighbor friends that I realized I am just like them and not better than them. Maybe it was an attitude displayed by my mother. Maybe it was an attitude I followed from my church.
So, I think it is important that homeschoolers get to know people in the community and not form a clique. Especially in small towns where only a couple families homeschool, it is even more important that homeschool families hang out with other families.

Jan
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janw1256
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 10:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello again,

I misread one of the questions on here. As far as who should be responsible, I guess for now homeschoolers b/c there is no other authority in charge of homeschooling. Maybe local churches could set up an accountability group. The lack of accountability for homeschooling is disconcerting. I think there should be requirements that need to be met b/f someone can homeschool. I mean if your parents are drug addicts or alcoholics or suffer from mental disorders, should they really be schooling you? I know there are lots of cooky teachers, but at least you would only have them for one year and at least they are accountable to the school system.

Jan Smile
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StellarStory
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think setting up an authority to "regulate" home schooling would be strongly fought against by the vast majority of homeschoolers.

It would also probably work about as well as any other oversight program done by any so called authority.

For better or for worse, it must be done by homeschoolers. From what I've seen in the many homeschooling families I know it's mostly for better.

Of course in any group of people you can find those that do some crazy stuff that isn't healthy and who are unwise thinking only their way of doing things is best or works. That's just human nature and life.
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Pam
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 4:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Is pridefulness a problem among hser's? Reply with quote

seekingmyLord wrote:

Well, I think your children are gifted, so there! Razz


Laughing Laughing Laughing Thank you.
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Calleigh
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it's important to remember that just because a child is homeschooled that doesn't mean that he or she is perfect. It also doesn't mean that they are freaks of society either. For all of the examples Jan gave regarding homeschoolers who attempted suicide, went wild in school, were controlled by their parents, had health issues that didn't get addressed, etc... I can give just as many from my experiences that I had when I was in school. Public school.

Kids and teenagers are still kids and teenagers, with all of the emotions that go along with it. There are problems with homeschooling; there are problems with public school; there are problems with private schools. We don't live in a perfect world.

So I don't feel prideful about homeschooling. I do what I do because I believe it is what I am supposed to do. If I didn't firmly believe I should be doing this I know I would struggle greatly. (Even more than I already do sometimes!!) Confused But I know that I would struggle no matter what decisions were made. It is just part of life.

Calleigh
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seekingmyLord
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

janw1256 wrote:
Hello again,

I misread one of the questions on here. As far as who should be responsible, I guess for now homeschoolers b/c there is no other authority in charge of homeschooling. Maybe local churches could set up an accountability group. The lack of accountability for homeschooling is disconcerting. I think there should be requirements that need to be met b/f someone can homeschool. I mean if your parents are drug addicts or alcoholics or suffer from mental disorders, should they really be schooling you? I know there are lots of cooky teachers, but at least you would only have them for one year and at least they are accountable to the school system.

Jan Smile

Jan, I am very concerned about to what extent you feel we should be accountable and to whom we should be accountable.

    Who should have the authority to evaluate parents who wish to homeschool on a case by case basis?
    Should all homeschooling parents have regular drug testing and psychiatric evaluations?
    Should homeschooling parents be required to take special classes for state certification to homeschool?

I agree that some parents are not good candidates for homeschooling, but then some parents are not good candidates for just being...parents. Shouldn't someone have had the authority to keep them from having children? Shouldn't someone be testing all parents to see if they are competent to be parents?

Whenever someone says "there aught to be a law," I cringe.
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StellarStory
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

seekingmyLord wrote:
Jan, I am very concerned about to what extent you feel we should be accountable and to whom we should be accountable.

    Who should have the authority to evaluate parents who wish to homeschool on a case by case basis?
    Should all homeschooling parents have regular drug testing and psychiatric evaluations?
    Should homeschooling parents be required to take special classes for state certification to homeschool?

I agree that some parents are not good candidates for homeschooling, but then some parents are not good candidates for just being...parents. Shouldn't someone have had the authority to keep them from having children? Shouldn't someone be testing all parents to see if they are competent to be parents?

Whenever someone says "there aught to be a law," I cringe.


I so agree with you on this!
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momagator
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,

I would like to respond to Sandy's original question of "pridefulness".

I too have seen the attitude that you are speaking about and it has also given me reason to examine my own heart.

When my children started ps I was SO excited - the thought of homeschooling never even entered our heads. By the time my oldest was in grade 5 it became painfully clear that homeschooling was the only option left that would work for him (I won't get into the details - wrong thread for that!) so we pulled both of our kids from ps and have hs for the last 5 years.

We had never met anyone who had homeschooled before and when I found support groups (in person and on-line) it was a great relief to find so much support and encouragement. Generally I have found most other hs parents to be respectful of other parents choice of education for their kids but there have been a militant few who ARE very judgemental of parents who don't homeschool their children and who ARE prideful (not the same thing as taking pride in a job well done) of their superiour parenting skills. I have also experienced the flip side of this (we have been judged for hs our kids). Because I have seen the rift in relationships (between friends and families and within church families) that these attitudes can cause I want to be careful that I do not add to the tension, that I am respectful of the choices that others make (do unto others) and that I do not become so prideful in my own choices that I hurt people by condeming the choices that they have made. If I truly believe that no one else knows my children better than I do and that the choices I have made for them are out of love for them and are the best for them then I need to also need to extend that belief to others and respect their decisions.

Thanks for listening to my very first (and very LONG) post! Rolling Eyes
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StellarStory
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

momagator wrote:
Hi,

I would like to respond to Sandy's original question of "pridefulness".

I too have seen the attitude that you are speaking about and it has also given me reason to examine my own heart.

When my children started ps I was SO excited - the thought of homeschooling never even entered our heads. By the time my oldest was in grade 5 it became painfully clear that homeschooling was the only option left that would work for him (I won't get into the details - wrong thread for that!) so we pulled both of our kids from ps and have hs for the last 5 years.

We had never met anyone who had homeschooled before and when I found support groups (in person and on-line) it was a great relief to find so much support and encouragement. Generally I have found most other hs parents to be respectful of other parents choice of education for their kids but there have been a militant few who ARE very judgemental of parents who don't homeschool their children and who ARE prideful (not the same thing as taking pride in a job well done) of their superiour parenting skills. I have also experienced the flip side of this (we have been judged for hs our kids). Because I have seen the rift in relationships (between friends and families and within church families) that these attitudes can cause I want to be careful that I do not add to the tension, that I am respectful of the choices that others make (do unto others) and that I do not become so prideful in my own choices that I hurt people by condeming the choices that they have made. If I truly believe that no one else knows my children better than I do and that the choices I have made for them are out of love for them and are the best for them then I need to also need to extend that belief to others and respect their decisions.

Thanks for listening to my very first (and very LONG) post! Rolling Eyes


I think that was a GREAT post. I totally agree with you.
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ibkellyb
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 1:33 pm    Post subject: Pridefulness vs. arrogance Reply with quote

I have read the posts and find most to be very interesting and enlightening and thought I would throw in my two cents.

I was not called to homeschool for religious reasons, in fact I don't believe myself to be very religious at all, however I certainly don't feel that anyone should be treated less of a homeschooler because you are not religious or more of a homeschooler because you are religious.

I find that it isn't so much pridefulness but rather arrogance and insecurity that cause many people whether homeschoolers or public schoolers to pass judgement on others. I was educated in the public school system and never caused my parents one bit of trouble, got good grades and went on to a very good college. I also went to school with a lot of people just like me and just as many who were into drugs and alcohol, had mental health problems, hated school just for hating it, flunked out, hung out in the smoking courtyard when they should have been in class and those that excelled academically but had no social skills to speak of even though they were constantly socialized. Now as a homeschooling mom of 5 I find just as many examples of good and bad with the homeschoolers that we encounter. I also find that a lot of the parents who are the most controlling, notice the word controlling, not loving and structured with rules and such but CONTROLLING of their children are the ones with the most problems whether it is public school or homeschoolers.
I don't believe it is pridefulness that is the problem but arrogance of people in our society that feel that is ok to pass judgement in order to deem themselves as having taken the time to get to know that person.
This is a societal problem not a schooling choice problem.
I live on a street with 20 other families half of which have kids in grade school in the public school district, I have yet to meet one of these parents without some kind of ignorant comment from them about my choice to homeschool my children. Again, ignorance and arrogance are very detrimental to our society. I have never questioned their choice to put their kids in our very crappy school system even though they are all stay at home moms, not everyone is cut out to homeschool.
People don't want relationships with other people, to take the time to get to know them and become friends, they just want a ruler by which to measure themselves and their families. As one homeschool mom told me (who is a pastor no less) people already have made their groups of friends and found their spot in which they are comfortable why would they want to shake that up with someone new.
Call my cynical or whatever but I just think that if everyone got over themselves and stopped worrying about themselves that maybe this would be a better place. It isn't about rules and laws governing our abilities to homeschool, but rather a village raising our children. when was the last time you got together on your street with all of the other families and had a block party? I know there are the rare streets that do actually do stuff together homeschooler and public schooler alike but for the most part people don't take the time to get to know eachother. Maybe if we stopped isolating others because of our religious views or schooling preferences and accepted each other for who we are maybe there wouldn't be so much arrogance and ignorance or pridefulness, if that is a bad thing, for that matter.
I know I am just rambling but this one kin dof hit close to home, and yes I am very prideful of my children, because they are great children. Not because they are homeschooled but because they are just plain old great kids who love eachother, us (their mom and dad) and others. They don't have a mean bone in their body and they just want to be happy. Frankly I am part of the reason for that and my hsuband is part of the reason for that and my kids are part of the reason they are so great because they just are.
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