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Desperate For Help
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LadyBlue
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Joined: 06 Oct 2006
Posts: 11
Location: Montgomery, TX

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 12:48 pm    Post subject: Desperate For Help Reply with quote

I have a wonderful 7 year old boy. I have 2 daughters, ages 18 & 23, so my son is practically an only child, having been around older people & siblings all his life.

He started off in the Head Start program and the problems started there. He won't sit still, he was constantly getting into trouble, not doing work, following instructions, etc. I received a phone call at least 3 times a week to either talk to him or pick him up. I thought the teachers were a little "soft" so when kindergarten came around, things would be different. WRONG! The same thing was happening. I received calls several times a week. Just before Christmas break that year, he threw a chair across the room. Luckily it didn't hurt anyone, but he was suspended for 3 days, and thus, his school record bagan. We do not have the same problems at home with him---he tries, like any child, to argue & push the limits. But I have always been firm and put my foot down and stop him. He goes on about his activities--I don't get temper tantrums or disrespect. The school wanted to have "committees" meet to discuss him & the behavior problems and see what counselors thought. I was really feeling helpless at this point. The asked what I did at home to handle it when he did this and I told them--I put my foot down and that's the end of it. He doesn't act this way at home. They didn't believe me.

He didn't want to do any work and actually was already to the point of "hating" school. I drove a school bus for the last half of that year and he had to transfer to the school that was on my route. I spoke with his new teacher about the problems I was having. After a while, she told me he was so far behind in reading, she didn't think he'd graduate kindergarten. She worked with him. she told me he didn't need commitees and such, just firmness. She basically "put him in his place" and let him know she wouldn't tolerate back talk. He cooperated with her, caught up with his studies and graduated with everyone else!! Yay!!! I thought.....

First grade he went back to the previous school, as I gave up the bus driving. New teacher, new grade, etc. I thought--things will be better. WRONG AGAIN!!! It started all over again--the same behavior. We did discover while he was in kindergarten that he doesn't tolerate sugar well. I limit his sugar intake and anything with over 9grams he doesn't get. When we started that, we noticed a remarkable improvement, but it didn't solve all the problems. We tried all the punishments: time-out, grounding, taking away toys, tv, etc., even spanking. He would apologize for his actions, say he would do better, then go to school the next day and it'd start all over again.

I started looking into homeschooling, but I don't know if I have what it takes to teach him. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't. The thought of it scares me to death!!!!

Toward the end of first grade, about the last 6 weeks or so, the assistant principal tried putting him in the 2nd grade class when he did good in his regular class---as a reward. He got to be in there with the "bigger" kids, he did the 2nd grade work and did great. She mentioned she wished she'd thought of it earlier in the year. As we tried so many different things with him to curb the behavior---even changing teachers, as I knew she was frustrated with him. Because he was "highly intelligent" and smarter than he was letting on, they decided to test him for the gifted & talented program---but he wouldn't sit still long enough to take the timed tests. He contantly gets out of his seat. I'd been reluctant for a couple of years to think that he might be ADD/ADHD because I thought that was being used way too much. I thought that highly energetic children were being labeled with this & given a pill because there were harder to handle. I didn't want that to happen with my son----I wasn't going to medicate him or let anyone else tell me that he should be either. When I was growing up, we never even heard of all these syndromes and disorders.

Well----here we are in the 2nd grade now; it's a new school in a new district because we bought a house in another location; and the behavior is there, yet once again. I (relunctantly) have him seeing a counselor, as for all the years past as well as now, the school people say he seems angry, but yet he doesn't show that at home to us. SO I want to make sure everything's OK---and see where we need to go from here. Also the counselor came about because one day I took my son in to school late as he had a dentist appt. When we got to school & he walked into the classroom, I noticed his body language changed---almost like he tensed up. I kissed him and left him for the day and thinking, wow, maybe that's something to look into further. I decided to call his teacher that afternoon to let her know what I noticed and see if we could figure out something. Her response: "oh really.....that's funny. because when you left, he didn't shut up about his dentist appt., so it must've been because you were there." Hmmm---I thought--she was coming across defensively---and I in no way told her my observation in an accusing manner. Anyway, our discussion went on.....she told me he's been drawing "dark" pictures of death, scull & bones, talks about dying because no one likes him anyway. I was shocked. I made the counselor appointment that day and got the pictures she spoke of. (*sigh*) -- the pictures were darth vader, gravedigger the monter truck (he LOVES monster trucks), scull & bones were from seeing the Pirates of the Carribbean movie-----but my biggest question was: why didn't she call me with this info if she was that concerned about it? She only told me when I called her.
I've discussed this with the asst. principal as well as the principal and once again I feel frustrated. They're looking at me as if I lost my mind and that he HAS to be acting like this at home. But he's not. I let the counselor know about all this---he'd gotten in trouble just yesterday--I had to go pick him up. He & another little boy changed desks temporarily per the teacher and my son took the other boy's money out of his desk, pocketed it and lied about it. Then he went into the boys' room and unrolled a whole roll of t. paper onto the floor. He's sticking by his story that he didn't do it, but he did.

I keep thinking HE DOESN'T BELONG IN THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM---obviously I have nothing but trouble. BUt I don't know what to do. He'll come home, give me a hug---if he had a "bad" day at school, he'll apologize and say he'll try harder the next time. We always tell each other "I love You-" --everything's OK when he's home. But he throws in at least a couple times a week "I hate school." "I wish there wasn't school."

I just don't know what to do. A friend of mine who works with troubled juveniles says there's got to be other kids out there like him that just don't belong in public schools and there's got to be a place for them.

Sorry this is so long---I just wanted everyone to understand the "jist" of the whole thing and how frustrated I am and lost. If anyone has any suggestions at all, I'd be soooooooooooooooooooooooappreciative!!!!

Thanks so much.
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Lenethren
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Joined: 03 Sep 2006
Posts: 172
Location: Okanagan, BC, Canada

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 1:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can only imagine how frustrated you are! I don't have any advice, having never been in a situation similair to yours, but I'm hopeful someone on the forum will have something to say.


Big HUGS to you.
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alisarussell
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Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 53
Location: Rochester Hills, MI

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I also have a 7 year old boy as well as a 9 1/2 year old boy that I have just begun homeschooling this year. Thought you might appreciate hearing our story. This is something I posted on another forum.

We decided to homeschool because of my younger son who is now 7. Last year, he was in first grade. He was small for his age and wore glasses which made him a magnet for bullying. He also had trouble finishing his classwork, but would they send it home, NO. And can you guess when I found out? At the third reporting conference. (translation: almost the end of the year) When I asked why they hadn't sent the work home, she said that they were afraid the workbooks wouldn't be sent back. I then said, "Well, that would be a natural consequence for not finishing." She also thought he should see a psychologist because he was missing his friend from our old town. When we took him home and asked him, he said he was sad at school because he couldn't finish his schoolwork not because he missed Casey. That was when I started researching homeschooling.
We decided to homeschool our 9 year old son for the opposite reason. He is above grade level in math and reading and wasn't being challenged. We are on Week 5 of our homeschooling experience and having a blast. I have put together a blog if you're interested.

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/alisarussell/

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask.

Alisa
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momo3boys
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Joined: 14 Feb 2006
Posts: 574
Location: Western Mass

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Homeschoolin neddn't be nearly as scary as some people put it out to be. Try it over a span of time. You are going to have to do some De-schooling. Teaching him how to enjoy learning again, rather than have negative school conotations of learning. My second son had the opposite problem in Preschool. He was great at school, then he would quietly get into mischief at home. Scrathcing up CDs, writing on walls... so I gave him harder work to do after preschool, this helped immensly. His birthday is in October so he was a full year a head of everyone else, and bored out of his mind. Your son, may be bored. Try giving him harder thougth provoking work at home. If you do decide to homeschool amke sure it is at his level and not below and I'm sure you will find a change in behavior. Good luck and God bless.
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LadyBlue
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Joined: 06 Oct 2006
Posts: 11
Location: Montgomery, TX

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 3:37 pm    Post subject: Thank you Reply with quote

Thank you so much everyone for replying. I know I'm not alone out there and I know that he can't be the only 7 yr. old boy with the same type of problems.

I will research more and read the blogs and everything I can. But---I'm not sure I have what it takes to be a homeschool "teacher"---as I was not very good in school. Luckily my daughters have excelled in their academics, and even my son is good, I just don't think I'd know what to do.

God bless everyone and I''m always still open for suggestions.!!!! Confused
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Miyu
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 41
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You'd be surprised at how well you can teach your child...there are so many resources out there to help home schooling parents that you don't have to be an expert in education to do a good job. My husband was certain that he couldn't teach grammar to Emily because he wasn't very good at it...but he is doing just fine...he is just following the curriculum. (I work outside the home, he stays at home and does most of the teaching)

I went through school hating every minute of it. I was bullied and picked on and had no friends. Homeschooling wasn't an option back then...and eventually, my parents took me out of public school and put me in a smaller, private school which was better...but I had gone through 9 years of hell. The school environment is definitely not suited for all kids.
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LadyBlue
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Joined: 06 Oct 2006
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Location: Montgomery, TX

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:40 pm    Post subject: I agree Reply with quote

I agree that public school is not for everyone--I can definitely see it.

I'll be honest, though, when I did research on homeschooling, there IS so much information out there that I think I have become overwhelmed and don't even know where to begin.

I'm in Texas---would anyone have any suggestions about a good place to look at lessons, or where to begin, or how to choose, or??????????? I'm confused again just trying to even go there again!!!

But hey--I know I feel better having gotten it all out and know there's people who care---believe me, it really does make a difference!
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momo3boys
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Joined: 14 Feb 2006
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Location: Western Mass

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know a lot of people that just use the "everything your child needs to know in ...Grade" books. They take you step by step through each grade and subject. Theodore will know the rules of Texas I'm sure.
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LadyBlue
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Location: Montgomery, TX

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:53 pm    Post subject: Books Reply with quote

Thanks--is there a certain company or place to get this particular Book or curriculum? Website?
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momo3boys
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 5:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barnes and Noble should have it, or amazon. By the way when you homschool, you get a discount at al B&N stores.
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three2camp
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Joined: 06 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene saved our life - go to the library or the bookstore.

Next, our child is on the Autistic Spectrum and we have been through our own he11 with him. Willful, argumentative (we still call him our little lawyer) and very strict on adhering to routine while also being kind, generous, thoughtful and really neat. The tantrums and meltdowns just made me nuts but the book above taught us how to chart and anticipate meltdowns.

At one point my son was so depressed and had learned violence through the public school that THEY wanted him admitted to a psych hospital.

Instead, we followed our instincts and started to learn about him, listen to him and work with him.

We're homeschooling a very happy child right now. Will it change? Maybe, but I know we did what we needed to do when we brought him home - it probably saved his life and after reading some recent news articles, I'm serious - we probably saved someone else's life by recognizing the anxiety and stress and dealing with it.
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LadyBlue
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Joined: 06 Oct 2006
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Location: Montgomery, TX

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:40 pm    Post subject: Thank you Reply with quote

Thank you sooooooo much for all the suggestions and stories. It helps to know others can actually relate to what we're going thru. It's not easy; each day is a struggle--and more so for him, and that breaks my heart to watch him have to go thru it. He doesn't have many friends because of the behavior, and when he does meet someone, I think he scares them off being so forward (I think he's desperate and craving the friendship of a peer--) but he just doesn't function well in a group setting.

Again, thank you so much. I'm going to research all that has been suggested. I'm sure I'll be back for more advice.

What a blessing it is to have people you don't know offer to lend a helping hand.
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Mark
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Joined: 03 Sep 2006
Posts: 424
Location: North of DFW Texas

PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 1:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thought montgomery was familiar.. Smile
drive past there once in a while headed for the Triangle. Smile

yes, we can relate.. your son sounds a bit like mine..

and yes you can homeschool him. honest.. you can..

we get most of our stuff through a store that is too far from you
to help I'm sorry to say.. although.. them might ship things to you..

we'll see if i can find the url and get back to you.

help him to learn music if at all possible.. at second grade..
a recorder would be a good place to start. it will not only help
him organize his thoughts, but later in life will help with being an "In"
to meeting people and learnig to deal with them.

mark
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Mark
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Location: North of DFW Texas

PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 1:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.homeeducatorsresource.com/

and it looks like they ship too..
I'm just spoiled since they have a shop one town away from me.. Very Happy
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LadyBlue
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Location: Montgomery, TX

PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 7:33 am    Post subject: Thank you Reply with quote

Thank you ! Thank you ! Thank you !

You've given me more hope in one day than I've had in years!

I will get started in researching all this materials and I appreciate you taking the time to share it with me.

Words can never express my thanks and appreciation.
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