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Depressed?
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3GiftsFromGod
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Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 26

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 12:28 pm    Post subject: Depressed? Reply with quote

Hey I just wanted to ask.....Do any of you feel like you are no longer yourself. I think that homeschooling is going to take the last part of me and kill it! I will become a blue jean jumper wearing mom, who only thinks about her kids. I think I will fail at homeschooling because I do not sit around thinking about the best ways to teach my DD how to read, as a matter of fact I do not sit around and just think anything about educating her or her sister. I know how selfish I sound but I am just being honest! I loath the super moms who are never real and always act like it is all together, I mean we all know what having kids is like and it is FAR from what we imagined. There are days were I haven't showered in 2 days, the kids will not stop screaming and pushing, and the phone will not quit ringing, etc etc etc...It just seems that my bad days happen more often than others. Not to mention that I am almost positive that if I homeschool these kids will never learn anything, and I day dream about cutting out the part of my brain that cares! I day dream about sending them to free public school, and having a whole time block to myself and peeing by myself, and all the things I took for granted before I had kids. Then I feel guilty about not daydreaming that they have come to know Christ as their Lord and Saviour, and having a deep meaningful relationship with their mother father and each other! Blah, so I guess I just need to know others think like this or I need to know if I am just not made out to be the home schooling mom.
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4given
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Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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Location: S.Indiana

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aside from a few differences in details, I could have written this post. I think anyone who is able to be honest with themselves would admit to having very similar feelings. Especially, in the early years of HSing.

With four years under my belt (not much,really), some of the fears and doubts have begun to dissipate. A little history... I HSed for 2 years, then caved into fears and doubts, sent the kids to PS for 2 years, now we've been HSing for 2 years.

In a way, I'm thankful for the PS experience because now I have concrete evidence that my children are better off HSed. They are NOT missing out, I am NOT going to ruin them or their future success. If your kids have never been PSed, please learn from my experience...the grass is not greener over there. Or better yet...if it appears to be so, realize that the grass is always greener over the septic tank!

Realize, I am in the same boat as you. I feel completely inadequate but have to trust that the Lord knew what He was doing. He makes no mistakes. He knew ahead of time that I would fall short regularly. He must not be freaked out by us!

I am not a supermom trying to create superstar kids. I sincerely want my children to find their purpose on this planet, whatever that may be. That is true success, wouldn't you agree?

Thanks for being brave enough and humble enough to bear your soul.
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4given
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Location: S.Indiana

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 1:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One more thing...I haven't had a shower today!!! Laughing
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knobren
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Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 195
Location: Charleston, IL

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you have "adult" time in your schedule? Do you do things with friends? Do you schedule alone time or time alone with your spouse? It is hard to be "on" 24/7 with anyone. You need some downtime or you might lose your temper and say or do hurtful things to your kids or yourself. Remember, to care for others well, you must first take care of yourself. Caregivers burn out if they never have time away from their kids or their elderly or sick loved ones.

It is also possible that you might have clinical depression and might benefit by seeking medical help. If this is the case, remember that it is not a sign of weakness; it is a physical disease that can be treated.

-B
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Ceres
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Joined: 30 May 2007
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Location: The Prairie State

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm right there with you.

The wondering if I'm doing it right, the kids fussing at each other - all of it. ESPECIALLY the shower issue - that's my typical thing. "Guess what I did today?" "I took a shower!" Fortunately, the most important people in my life have been there too and are just happy for me. Very Happy

Plus, we just moved to a town (for hubby's work) where we didn't know a single soul when we moved in. We have made friends of many of the neighbors, who are all older than we are, but that is more to our benefit than not.

To be frank, I have problems at PMS time (sorry fellas - but it's important with women) and one thing that my awesome MIL told me is that for some immediate help - try Evening Primrose oil. It comes in a gel-cap, you can typically find it at your local drugstore and it has definitely helped me. With 3 VERY active and verbose boys between 6.5 and 2 yrs old, you might say that I get pretty stressed in the day-to-day activities.

Hope you have a great day and that, at the very least, you get to have a shower. Razz
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learningallthetime
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Joined: 01 Jul 2007
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 11:54 pm    Post subject: Reply to 2giftsfromGod Reply with quote

Hi there, I can so totally sympathize with you, even though I am all done (sort of) with HS after 17 plus years, but I still remember those times. And no, there was nothing perfect or at times admirable about my behaviour etc, but the crucible of HS will help you sort out what is most important. I remember praying on the text "seek ye 1st the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you" and asking "please God, could you add a bit of Algebra here and there and all the other things I am not getting to today," when I realized what I was reading/discussing with them was probably eternally more important. But many days my lessons were not as profound or organized, yet it mostly got done and it was enough.

Background: 3 sons, ages 25,23,21 older 2 already graduated from top 20's Univ. and forging ahead, youngest has one semester left at a top-ranked (for whatever that is worth) Univ. with Golden Key and Phi Beta Kappa already awarded him. He didn't read well til past 9, so nothing was perfect around here, but God is gracious. Just put it in His hands and trust and value yourself a great deal more. God gave your kids to the perfect Mom for them, not perfect in ourselves mind you, but the one designed to guide them. Don't worry about whoever you are comparing yourself to because, trust me, all is not perfect at their house either. But no one will take the time, trouble and care with your gifts from God that you will and you have only to ask and He will help you. I hope this lifts your load a little.
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learningallthetime
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Joined: 01 Jul 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 1:23 am    Post subject: getting a shower Reply with quote

I realize your 2 are probably outgrowing this solution, but for what it's worth here's what I did: put a childproof doorknob cover on inside of bathroom door, so you lock them in with you, that way they stay out of unobservable trouble... childproof latches on all bathroom cabinets and drawers except one which contains only toys they never get to see anywhere else, think "happy meal toys" etc.

The time I strayed from this formula I thought Grandpa could keep an eye on my 2 year old while I showered, but fortunately his guardian angel tapped me on the shoulder as I was heading upstairs and said "think again" I returned to the kitchen to find that Grandpa had already dozed off while DS was busily placing plastic toy scrambled eggs in a plastic toy skillet and preparing to try to light the stove under them....yeah.
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micheller79
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Joined: 25 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 9:03 am    Post subject: depressed mom Reply with quote

you are not alone.
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knobren
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Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 195
Location: Charleston, IL

PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 11:53 am    Post subject: Re: Depressed? Reply with quote

2GiftsFromGod wrote:
Hey I just wanted to ask.....Do any of you feel like you are no longer yourself. I think that homeschooling is going to take the last part of me and kill it! I will become a blue jean jumper wearing mom, who only thinks about her kids. I think I will fail at homeschooling because I do not sit around thinking about the best ways to teach my DD how to read, as a matter of fact I do not sit around and just think anything about educating her or her sister. I know how selfish I sound but I am just being honest! I loath the super moms who are never real and always act like it is all together, I mean we all know what having kids is like and it is FAR from what we imagined. There are days were I haven't showered in 2 days, the kids will not stop screaming and pushing, and the phone will not quit ringing, etc etc etc...It just seems that my bad days happen more often than others. Not to mention that I am almost positive that if I homeschool these kids will never learn anything, and I day dream about cutting out the part of my brain that cares! I day dream about sending them to free public school, and having a whole time block to myself and peeing by myself, and all the things I took for granted before I had kids. Then I feel guilty about not daydreaming that they have come to know Christ as their Lord and Saviour, and having a deep meaningful relationship with their mother father and each other! Blah, so I guess I just need to know others think like this or I need to know if I am just not made out to be the home schooling mom.



How are you doing now? Your post was several days ago.

Do you ever read Dear Abby? Sometimes she prints several letters that she has received in response to a letter and response that was printed previously and everybody reads between the lines of the letter with their own life experiences. I feel kind of like that now, as my experiences lead me to fear that you are feeling more than the usual frustrations expressed by the other posters. Some of the things you have said sound like serious depression to me, but again, that may be my own experiences coloring what you have written. "Cheer up - we all feel that way sometimes" won't help you, if that is the case, and I don't want to regret not jumping in with another take on it, just in case.

You said that the bad days are more numerous than tthe good. You also said that you don't feel like yourself and that you wish you could cut out the part of you that cares. These sound like depressed thoughts to my "ear".

Also, you said that you don't think the kids will learn anything from HS and you feel guilty about your negative thoughts. I can't tell from your post whether you are frustrated that the kids aren't learning at the pace you were hoping for, that they are aren't putting in much effort, that you fear that maybe you aren't a good teacher, etc. or if you instead feel that you are stupid or worthless or that you can't do anything right. The former would be normal frustrations and worries, but the latter would be signs of depression.

From http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175/DSECTION=2

Major depression. This type of mood disturbance lasts more than two weeks. Symptoms may include overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief, loss of interest or pleasure in activities you usually enjoy, and feelings of worthlessness or guilt. This type of depression may result in poor sleep, a change in appetite, severe fatigue and difficulty concentrating. Severe depression may increase the risk of suicide.

More info:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
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3GiftsFromGod
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Joined: 07 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I had some computer issues so I couldn't check back until now. I honestly am tempted to get mad about the depression thing, I mean we all go through this right? But, I read on and I understand, but I am not sure. I am also having MAJOR female issues so I think its possible for it to be a touch of hormones. I go back and forth, blah! I have been on my period for 2 months straight, (sorry guys) and I just have no energy left. Yes, I have seen my doctor and we are working on figuring it out, and getting DH and I into debt with hospital bills! Smile SO, I guess I am saying it is so very nice to hear you have all felt like this and the dark days end. Thank you very much. I will continue to go to God with this! I know that He is my ever present help!
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3GiftsFromGod
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Joined: 07 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Depressed? Reply with quote

knobren wrote:

How are you doing now? Your post was several days ago.

Do you ever read Dear Abby? Sometimes she prints several letters that she has received in response to a letter and response that was printed previously and everybody reads between the lines of the letter with their own life experiences. I feel kind of like that now, as my experiences lead me to fear that you are feeling more than the usual frustrations expressed by the other posters. Some of the things you have said sound like serious depression to me, but again, that may be my own experiences coloring what you have written. "Cheer up - we all feel that way sometimes" won't help you, if that is the case, and I don't want to regret not jumping in with another take on it, just in case.

You said that the bad days are more numerous than tthe good. You also said that you don't feel like yourself and that you wish you could cut out the part of you that cares. These sound like depressed thoughts to my "ear".

Also, you said that you don't think the kids will learn anything from HS and you feel guilty about your negative thoughts. I can't tell from your post whether you are frustrated that the kids aren't learning at the pace you were hoping for, that they are aren't putting in much effort, that you fear that maybe you aren't a good teacher, etc. or if you instead feel that you are stupid or worthless or that you can't do anything right. The former would be normal frustrations and worries, but the latter would be signs of depression.


I do feel like the,"Cheer up - we all feel that way sometimes" is not for me. I do plan on talking to my doctor about the hormones and seeing if this is effecting me any. I used to be able to "just cheer up" so I know this is new. I can not thank you enough for the links! I did check them out and I do not notice a lot of those symptoms in myself, but I plan on having a talk with DH and see what he notices. Anyway, thank you!
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knobren
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Joined: 29 May 2007
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Location: Charleston, IL

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad that you are talking to your doctor. Several different medical conditions or medications or herbal remedies can affect mood or memory. Unfortunately, people often put off seeing the doctor even when symptoms are more "physical", so they can really put it off if the symptoms are "emotional" or "mental", because so many people think they should be able to get over something that is "all in your head". And when someone tries to communicate her feelings or inner pain, she might be told things like "everyone feels that way sometimes" or "just get over it already" or "why are you bothered by something that is so inconsequential" or just feel invisible. People are often shocked when a co-worker, friend, or loved one either tries to commit suicide or talks about doing so, because they didn't recognize that person's pain or attempts to communicate it.

Take care, everyone! Smile
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knobren
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Joined: 29 May 2007
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Location: Charleston, IL

PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Additional information:

How to Recognize a Depressive Episode - http://bipolar.about.com/cs/depressive/ht/bl-ht-depress.htm

Red Flags II: Depression Warning Signs - http://bipolar.about.com/cs/depressive/a/red_flags2.htm

Diagnosing Bipolar Disorder: Ruling Out Other Physical Conditions
http://bipolar.about.com/cs/menu_diagnosis/a/diag_physcond.htm

Thyroid Disease Symptoms and Risk Factors- http://thyroid.about.com/od/symptomsrisks/a/symptomsrisks.htm
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sheila
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Joined: 14 Jul 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WOW. CAN I RELATE TO THIS. i am toiling over sending my four to school this year, and all of your reasons are mine too. I do not know how these HS moms balance the act, groceries, Dr. visits, exercise, oil changes, errands, seeing my mom, being involved in church....how does the balance work?
My kids are 12,10, 7 and 6- homeschooling since the beginning and still STRUGGLING.
sheila
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midnightsgarden
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Joined: 14 Jul 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't imagine any sane parent not having these moments of self doubt. I love my kids, they are my joys, but I'm far from jean jumper wearing super mom. I am just begining my homeschool teaching journey and boy its a step into what could turn out to be a b-rated horror flick, but you just have to have faith.

Based on what you first wrote my first initial reaction was, Girl you need to get out of the house. Every mom goes through this stage. I remember when I was little my aunt gave me a book called "5 minutes peace" It was about a mommy elephant who could not excape her children, they were everywhere and into everything, until finally she gets into the bath and locks the door, the kids are all out banging on the door and she's trying to relax in nice pink bubbles for just 5 minutes... well at the end of the book the kids finally get in and everyone jumps in the tub and mom just has the smile of "oh well... what can I say they are MY babies" The book didn't mean much, except for its bright colorful pictures, as a child... but boy do I think of that book ALL THE TIME NOW!

My suggestion is get some you time. Don't sweat the small stuff. Know a great many of us go without daily showers, mixed matched socks and shoes, and even shirts worn inside out (yeah, I've had one of those days many days)

Donna Reed isn't what makes a great mom or teacher. What makes a great mom and teacher is someone who puts another before themselfs...and with the obvious lack of shower days we know you are on that path.

I too have had those fun health problems (I had a baby back in April and you can imagine the emotional rollercoaster) the best thing to do on those days or moments is find some mindless task and just put everything else behind you. I know it sounds lame but when the hormone flow was really bad for me I got really addicted to Stack em up Solitaire on Webkinz
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