Discipline at almost 3 years old

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tinatherealtor
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Discipline at almost 3 years old

Postby tinatherealtor » Fri Apr 04, 2008 9:43 am

What will be left when you are gone?

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elliemaejune
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Re: Discipline at almost 3 years old

Postby elliemaejune » Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:16 am

Married to Mr. Ellie for over 40 years
Mother to 2 dds and 2 dsil
Grandmother to 1 sweet boy
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Ophelia
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Postby Ophelia » Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:10 pm


Lily
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Postby Lily » Sat Apr 05, 2008 9:04 am

I would urge you to really look at what you are asking of him in terms of development. You are speaking to a 2yo - let's call him that first instead of 'almost 3'. By putting the 3 in there you are subconsciously expecting another year's development on top of what he is.

Second, there are a lot of great books out there about what to expect from a 2 -4 yo in terms of cognitive and spatial development. Right now, you have a child with very little (but blooming) impulse control. He is a little scientist, testing the reactions for each and every situation. They may look all the same to you, but a child that young picks up on subtle differences that adults tend to ignore - different place, different time of day, tone of voice..these are all tools for him to use to see if the same reaction will happen each time. The more logical and consistent you are, the easier his "experiments" are for him.

I like the 'say it once, do it the second time approach' when I need to have something listened to at this age. I get down and tell the child once, making sure I have his/her full attention and am at eye level. The second time, I simply pick up/lead/help the child do what I am asking so that s/he understands my words mean something.
If the above is impossible, it is up to me to control the situation to begin with, either by not letting an impulsive toddler get too far away or by picking him/her up the first time instead of leading with my words.
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Miss_Kristy
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Postby Miss_Kristy » Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:06 am

I have a 2 yr old son also. Let me start by saying that this behavior is NORMAL. Your son is just doing what 2 year olds do. He's not being mean to you. He's not trying to make you mad. He's just being a 2 year old.

It would be best if you would reevaluate the situations you are putting your son into. If you KNOW that your son has a habit of running into the street, or dangerously near the street, then YOU should not put him in the position to be ABLE to run into the street. - This senerio works in every other aspect of life when dealing with a 2 year old. For example, my son will not sit still in a resturant at this point in his life. He wants to walk around, talk to people, touch things. This is not acceptable. So..... We don't go to resturants with him. Viola! Problem solved.

Obedience the first time will come, in time. But by exspecting it at this point you are just setting yourself up for failure. You should have rules of course, you can't just let him run wild. But he is a toddler-- not a short adult.-- He has limits. Work with them.

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Postby alexsmom » Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:24 pm

I agree with the first two ladies...he's old enough to train to stay with you and follow your directions. It will take some time and a lot of determination and patience from you. Also, and I realize that you already know this, it's gonna be even harder if your husband is not on the same page with respect to discipline...harder but not impossible. You can look at it this way...it will be easier to do it now than when your child is older and is willfully straying from your side/area. Right now it's a matter of just not knowing any better. Later it will be about a power struggle.

Decrease
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Postby Decrease » Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:22 pm

Having an "almost 3 year old", there is nothing wrong with expecting them to come to you when you call. They can cognitively understand the command and they are rebellious in not wanting to obey. Yet, a child should learn the importance of obedience on the first command. If your child does not understand the command or cannot physically obey the command, then that is a different story. Yet, if your child can rationally grasp the command and disobeys, they are being disobedient and this should be dealt with.

I also want to point out what obedience is and is not. Obedience is "Doing what your told to do, when you are told to do it, with the right heart attitude". Because he may do what he is told to do does not mean he is obedient.

We have had this problem with our youngest child on several occassions. So, we will spend time just giving commands. "Go to your bed"... "Come here"... Go get a towel out of the closet and bring it here"... etc... We call this training time and actually is a lot of fun (the other kids have fun with this as well, screaming and cheering the child on sometimes). Then, we recreate the exact situation where the child would not obey and then call the child once more. The child will respond.

For some, not obeying has dire consequences. If I were with my father at the age of 2 on the farm and he told me to do something and I didn't, it could mean that I was going to get trampled on by a horse.

Yes, this may be normal behavior, but little kids are sinful creatures. The rule of thumb I have on whether they are being rebellious to need discipline is:

1. If the child can understand the command
2. If the child has the ability to obey the command

If those two are met then they are being rebellious if they do not obey. If they do not understand the command then that means I train them and teach them what the command means and then I expect obedience. If they lack the ability to obey the command then you should not give the command and also apologize to the child if you gave him a command he was unable to fulfill.

Finally, we should watch the commands we give our children. There were times when I told my child not to play with something only to realize my command had no merit. I allow my child to appeal such a decision and sometimes I realize that I was neglectful in that command.

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Postby Shari Nielsen » Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:28 pm

As many of you have mentioned...consistency is the key. Kids should know that you mean what you say - all the time - and that there are unpleasant repercussions for their poor choices or actions - all the time.

Since he is still 2, this will probably turn into a battle of wills that goes on for the next few years. Pick your battles carefully and make sure you win any battle you engage in.
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Decrease
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Postby Decrease » Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:38 pm

Shari,

Great points. We cannot train our children that our commands are only "Sometime" commands but "always" commands. And, choosing the best time to make a stand is vital. Let it take place on your turf not on the kid's.

Good comments.

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Postby Shari Nielsen » Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:41 pm

Thanks Decrease!
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Postby Emerging Dad » Sun Jun 01, 2008 10:04 pm

I'm a nice enough guy, and if I say something hurtful I probably didn't mean it that way.

Semper Reformanda!


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