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HELP!! Do I HS my VERY LONELY daughter next year??
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Babydoop
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Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:54 pm    Post subject: HELP!! Do I HS my VERY LONELY daughter next year?? Reply with quote

Hi.
I am seriously praying about HSing my daughter for Kindergarten next year. Only one problem. Up until now, she has had little or no (consistent) interaction with children her age. (I have been at home since she was born, but it has been a real sacrifice financially.) We live in an apartment and there are literally no children around to play with, no parks nearby and we have one car which my hubby uses for work and with gas prices being what they are, we were stuck at home most of the time. I had to really be creative about finding things to do...

Anyway, now we are able to afford some activities, she attends half-day classes at a local rec center 3 times a week and takes ballet...

The problem is she seems STARVED for play time with other kids, because she rarely got to play with anyone until after she was about 3 years old. She plays well and is well adjusted around other kids. She LOVES to go to school (that's what we call the rec program) and seems sad when she can't be with the other kids on down days.

She is already well ahead for her age, she reads and writes as I have been working with her all along - (one of the reasons I stayed home in the first place).

I would LOVE to home school, but I am scared of being overly ANYTHING, and I have been told that I need to LET GO so that she can experience the world for herself. Otherwise she is a mostly happy, healthy, very self-confident kid... I am glad that we made the sacrifice for me to stay home with her.

I know there are pros and cons about Homeshcooling...The workers at the rec center call the HSch kids that take classes there "Weird". (I think that is just mean), but I can't help but wonder if keeping her home would be a mistake for her social development, especially since she already shows signs of NEED in that area.

I wish we had another child so she wouldn't always be by herself. She LOVES babies, but that is not an option for us right now.

I know there are half day K programs and we will probably do that, so that I can keep tabs on her academic development.

Has anyone ever heard of HSing AND attending 1st, 2nd... grade at a Private School for half a day (JUST FOR SOCAIL BENEFITS not academic)?? Or maybe a few times a week? Question Question
My Mom is a retired teacher and she says this is impossible due to the attendance policies at most schools.

Please HELP!! Any information would be appreciated!
Thanks!
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Morgan
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:00 pm    Post subject: Re: HELP!! Do I HS my VERY LONELY daughter next year?? Reply with quote

Babydoop wrote:

Has anyone ever heard of HSing AND attending 1st, 2nd... grade at a Private School for half a day (JUST FOR SOCAIL BENEFITS not academic)?? Or maybe a few times a week? Question Question
My Mom is a retired teacher and she says this is impossible due to the attendance policies at most schools.

Please HELP!! Any information would be appreciated!
Thanks!


I hate to say this, but I think your mom is right about that. I don't think it's possible to have one child only at a school for social benefits.

Ballet, the rec program, and the part-time K you are planning to get her in sound like they should be pretty social. I agree that a sibling would help her out, but like you said, it's not an option. What kind of hobbies does she like and what does she enjoy doing? If she shows an interest in certain things like, for instance, art, then what I would do would be to look for weekend-based art classes for her age group. If it is something she enjoys doing, I'm sure she'll make some friends.

She shows a fondness for other children, and seems sad on days when she is not around them, you say? That's a good thing. I wouldn't say she is lonely, because how many little girls do you know that aren't sad when they don't have somebody to play with one day? As long as she is happy and well adjusted around other playmates, that's fine.

Is the ballet class you have her in only a few hours long? Is it daily? Weekly? Maybe you could try to get her into a class that happens on more days of the week or something. Perhaps she is not around the children in her rec program or ballet class long enough to get to know them well.

Another thing I would suggest would be to get her acquainted with family member's kids or your close friend's children. Even children of up to 7 years old would like to play with her.

I'm no expert, but maybe she just has an independent nature. Some kids prefer to do certain things alone.

And homeschooling, even early pre-K versions of it, are very helpful to a child's education. Knowing that she is already reading and writing, you have done a lot for her by being home often.

I hope this helps![/i]
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ncmom
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First let me say that although I think that HS'ing is an awesome choice for anyone who stays home with their children, I don't think it is for all of them.

I stay home and we only have one car too. My kids don't have any regular friends and never have, but they are both happy, well adjusted, and can play with kids their ages when they are around them. And the church we go to doesn't have any kids in it other than infants and very young toddlers. Although I have more than one the older ones don't play together. One boy and one girl who are 4 years apart and mine are not friends and I don't see them playing with the third since the other two are 13 and 9 years older than him. We don't even have the money to do stuff with the local parks and rec. So any activities that my kids do are either at home, free, or sponsored by someone else. I try to do activities with them that are either in the evening or I have made friends with other HS moms who do have a second car and can pick me up. They understand that I don't have one and are usually OK with picking me up since I am located "on the way" to almost everything. Right now we are getting ready to go on a free field trip to a cotton gin. It is just going to be me, my kids, and my mother who is driving.

Have you looked into scouts, they usually meet in the evening. How is your local bus system? Is is safe enough that you could use it? You could also check into HS groups in your area. Do you go to church? If you do what about programs there? How about library programs? The stuff you do doesn't have to be "school" related and honestly I believe the whole "socialization" of kids is a bunch of bunk anyway. Kids need to learn to communicate with any and all age groups so in my opinion doing activities with other people regardless of age is good for a child. She isn't going to be scared for life if she never has any friends that come over and play or she goes to their house to play. She may want that but that, again in my opinion, is because it is what she is being taught is normal. Besides she is still really young and ultimately how many friends does a person really need? I went to PS and really didn't have any friends. I had one good friend. She and I still stay in touch today even though we are 1000 miles apart and been out of highschool 14 years. My sister had lots of friends in school and has none now. So in the long run does it matter as long as she is happy and adjusted. As for my kids...my son is usually quietly reading a book or using the computer and my daughter loves to draw and play dress up. I try to give each of them as much attention as possible but insist that they learn to entertain themselves too.

Also, I wouldn't worry about what others say about HS kids. This just shows their ignorance on the subject. They could also be jealous because they want to do it too and can't so they resort to name calling or maybe they just don't understand it. I just wouldn't worry about it if it were me. It is a personal decision that you have to make and you know what is best for your child. If you decide to HS then those people probably won't be the last to say something mean or out of line.

As far as sending her half day to a private school. I have never heard of a school doing this for anyone but if you find one and decide that it is an option you want to pursue I don't see why it couldn't work. HS'ing is different in every household, even ones that are similar are going to have a few differences. You have to develop a schedule, curriculum, and system that works best for you. If you don't think HS'ing is for you don't feel bad about it, it is not for everyone. Although most HS'ers will tell you that it is a good choice, but I have never run into one that thought it was the only choice.

I actually had mine in PS. My oldest went through 4th grade and my middle went through KDG. I pulled them out after we moved to a new state and the schools were no longer meeting our expectations. I am not even going to send my 3rd to PS at all. I never used Preschool for any of my kids either.
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Babydoop
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Joined: 08 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for your reply!
Well, she does enjoy dance and we are looking into picking up more classes per week. But as a whole, it seems most of all she just likes to run, laugh, scream, sing and fall down like others her age! And rightly so!

The friends she has made in her classes (ballet/rec) are pretty distant...their parents come and leave without much conversation - she usually has to get all her social play needs (run, laugh, scream, sing and fall down) in when she goes to her rec classes because Ballet is pretty structured, even for her age. It has been hard making lasting friends...Ballet is 1 day/wk for 45 mins.

[Quote: She shows a fondness for other children, and seems sad on days when she is not around them, you say? That's a good thing. I wouldn't say she is lonely, because how many little girls do you know that aren't sad when they don't have somebody to play with one day? As long as she is happy and well adjusted around other playmates, that's fine. ]

Good point! WHEW!
I guess I'm just worrying too much. I hate to see her looking sad. She is such a happy-go-lucky person - something I never was, and that's why it upsets me so!

I do have a niece and nephew in the city ages 9 and 7, but they are so busy with homework, supplemental homework, soccer, etc., until we almost rarely get to see them anymore, even on the weekends. None of my friends have small children.

I guess I could always continue the rec center programs a few days a week and HS. I will have to do more research on play-groups and such for 4 to 5 year olds.

Thanks! Just knowing somebody HEARD me is comforting!!! Very Happy
[/quote]
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Babydoop
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I think I am 80% sure that I would like to hs. My daughter has to have her play time with peers or she is not at all her loving self.
There is a hs network in my city. I really have my research homework to do, but I am sure it will be worth it.

I don't know why people are so intimidated by the very thought of HS...probably because of all the hard work they think it takes!

Morgan and Ncmom - you guys are awesome!

Ncmom, I know exactly what you mean about the one car and the money. We only since this past summer we able to enroll in anything. Our church has a wonderful private school (very expensive) and has an awesome youth program, but it is 40 minutes away. I can't imagine taking the bus with my daughter...we live in an area that has progressively gotten worse over the years and some people in my neighborhood and surrounding areas look just plain "scary"... Sorry, not being judgmental, but I have to call it like it is...


Your comments are enlightening. Thanks, I appreciate it!!
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iamnettie
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you can get your hands on this book (I borrowed it from our library) read it....it will put all your socialization worries at ease.


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StellarStory
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anyone who tells you that you need to let go of your child age three and under doesn't understand that nurturing is not holding a child tightly to you.

Usually people say that when they want more time with either you or your child. Sometimes it's because they had a distant relationship as a child with their parent or as a parent with their child and are somehow affronted you don't have the same situation.

There are ways to get your child into social interactions that are not at school. You can even create your own play group.

OTOH, a preschool at a private church is often a great experience for a child.

Let us know what you decide. I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you and your child.
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Babydoop
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, my dd is now 4, and I have learned to ignore the negative comments about hsing and being a stay-at-home-mom. (Although it does rather sting when even people close to you criticize YOUR RIGHT to raise your child the way God is leading you to.)

People get really offended and downright hostile about hsing and staying at home. I think it is jealousy/envy?? People don't want to do the hard work it takes and they don't want you to do it either...

Would you believe someone recently said to me that "a friend of mine home schooled her kids and they ended up hating her..." What???? I think she was trying to SCARE me into changing my decision to hs. NOT!!!

I am soooo thankful that I found this site! It is just what I needed.

I will definitely check out that book!!!
Thanks everyone!!!!
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StellarStory
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At age four my kids went to a private church pre school five half days a week and were still, "lonely," btw.

I had to actively work at setting up play dates and get togethers but they always wanted more even when I felt they were getting over stimulated.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.
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seekingmyLord
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have been praying about this myself as I grew up in a rural area and was somewhat isolated when I was young. My family rarely went to church. Rarely did we do anything actually because we were dirt poor, my father had the only car for work, and my mother could not drive anyway, so things like scouts, ballet, etc. did not happen. I am quite sure that I complained about being lonely or bored to my mother but I never really felt that deprived me in the long run.

My child loves, really loves, people of all ages and animals. I think we have about 200 "friends" living right here with us...in her mind and her heart. Should she get to play with other children every day and all day, it would never be enough to "satisfy" her. On the other end, we had to back off of some social activities last spring and I think I felt sorrier for her than she did for herself.

The Lord told me that He would provide for her needs and He has. We were led to change churches to an even smaller one but with some activities for children, which the other lacked due to it being mostly seniors, and my daughter is a bit happier there although she also misses a few of our dear friends at the other one.

Also, I relaxed even more when I realized that I don't always have to provide a particular activity for socializing, that it can be completely unstructured. We just went to a couple of yard sales this weekend and she greeted everyone there and talked to people of all ages. At one, she ran around with a boy and then two girls and at another she played with some girls and a kitten. You should see her seize the opportunity to socialize while her waiting in line at a store... and I never really know what she is going to tell or ask the person ringing up our items. Wink
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momo3boys
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I was staying home with my little ones, I didn't have any money so I had a small daycare. This provided a lot of friends to play with, and because the children were young enough I didn't have to worry about a huge lesson planning and work time. You could even just do a few days a week, or just one. Many stay at home moms need just one day a week to get things done without the kids. You could provide a service and get some play time with out leaving the house or having more children. Just an idea.

I do however agree that it is never enough. My oldest just isn't happy unless he is at someone's house or they are here.
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janw1256
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 11:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi there!

I guess I don't think that you are considering everything right now and that making a decision where and how to school your child is a lot more serious than if they will have enough time to play with kids or not.

Why specifically do you want to homeschool? After reading your post, I would guess that you think she is academically ahead of her peers?

If that is so, then, yes, homeschooling will allow her to stay ahead if she remains disciplined enough. She will have much more time to study and read being homeschooled than if she went to public school.

However, homeschooling will also keep your child from learning how to socially interact with her peers. If she is extroverted, then she definitely is watching her peers and learning how to interact by being with them. This is something that can not be taught at home and may not even be learned at a structured ballet class, so I think that you would need to find some activity where your daughter is making friends and learning how to interact socially from them.

So, I guess it comes down to two things - do I want my daughter to be ahead academically or do I want my daughter to perhaps suffer somewhat academically depending on the school, but learn how to interact with her peers? Also, just a thought, you could teach your daughter for half a day after kindergarten if you felt that what she was learning there was not sufficient - like what you suggested in your post.

And one last thing, the kids that are homeschooled are probably considered "weird" b/c they are not usually with their peers and are not watching and learning how to interact from them. That is probably why they are called "weird." So, even though that is mean, I can see why people at the class say that.

Also, I think that it is great that you are a stay-at home mom. Our culture is ridiculous in its thinking that women should not raise their children anymore. I think that is one of the most important jobs that a woman can have. I mean, what could be a more important job than raising a child? Women should be allowed to be women!

Anyway, I hope that God blesses you with peace about the decision that you make!
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4given
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

janw1256 wrote:
And one last thing, the kids that are homeschooled are probably considered "weird" b/c they are not usually with their peers and are not watching and learning how to interact from them. That is probably why they are called "weird." So, even though that is mean, I can see why people at the class say that.


Just a thought...maybe HSed kids are sometimes considered weird because they display more consideration for others than their typical peers. Maybe they are considered weird by some onlookers because they don't typically smart-off to their parents. Maybe they are considered weird because they understand that their clothes don't determine their character. Most people deem something "weird" because it is not the norm for themselves. That is not at all a valid argument against HSing.
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Ramona
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 4:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

janw1256 wrote:
homeschooling will...keep your child from learning how to socially interact with her peers. ...This is something that can not be taught at home


Sorry, but I disagree.

Homeschooling provides children the opportunity to be peers with people of all ages, social status, abilities, economic status, etc.

It gives them the opportunity to learn from well-educated people (especially older people) how to interact socially in ways that are acceptable.

This can be taught at home--and out in public--far better than in a room full of untaught, impolite children with one adult trying to keep order while teaching some academic or athletic or artistic subject.

Ramona
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seekingmyLord
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

janw1256 wrote:
homeschooling will...keep your child from learning how to socially interact with her peers. ...This is something that can not be taught at home

Peers are also not just children in the same age group--at least, that is not how it is the REAL world. School is provides a very artificial environment.

Ramona wrote:

This can be taught at home--and out in public--far better than in a room full of untaught, impolite children with one adult trying to keep order while teaching some academic or athletic or artistic subject.

I absolutely agree with Ramona.

Also, I have been to park, zoo, corn maze, etc. where school buses arrived. Every single time, not only was my child was pushed and shoved, but so were the adults. If that is the kind of socialization one should have to be "normal" then I thank God that my daughter is "abnormal" and homeschooled, because I have yet to see a homeschool group act that way.
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