Homeschool World Forum

It is one of the rules of our house that we do not hurt one another with unkind words or actions. When the kids were younger, we had an "If/Then" chart- if you broke certain rules, then a predictable consequence followed befitting that misbehavior. The consequence was always something that pushed that particular child's 'buttons', and it was as unpleasant as I could make it.

Consistency and modeling good behavior oneself are also keys to helping children understand the proper way to treat others. For example, if you and your dh fight in front of the kids, then the kids will feel free to fight with each other, know what I mean? Don't lose your cool with your kids- one can't teach kids self-control when one can't keep one's own temper (not that you are doing any of that- those are just examples from my own life )

Sit down on the floor near them. The first one who comes over to you with "mmmmmoooooooooooommmmmmmmm!" gets first turn:

Kid A: Mom! He won't let me........."

Mom: Do you like that?

Kid A (looking at you like you're stupid): NO!

Mom: Tell him that.

Kid A to Kid B: I don't like it when you_____.

Kid B: So?

Mom: What's a good plan, Stan?

Kid A: I want you to stop.

Mom: Ok, what's a solution, you two?

And brainstorm together - kids doing 90% of the work, mom giving advice and an idea or two if nothing else seems to be acceptable.

I make the offender do a chore for the offendee. If they are both at fault I have them sit at the table and the first person to tell me what THEY di wrong gets to get up. They can't tell me what the other person did, just own up to their fault.

Or you could use my husband's tactics. He tied them together. a rope wrapped around each waist. The more they fought, the shorter the rope got. The better they got along, the longer it got until they finally could take it off. Now when they fight, dad asks "do i need to get the rope?" amazingly they work it out themselves. They are a little older though, 9 and 7.

It's hard to deal with but kids need to be told the rules over and over. When my kids got in trouble both were subject to the same age appropriate consequences. It does usually take two to tango.

They still treat each other better than any other two siblings I know. They have to be taught to treat the other with kindness and respect.

At that age a reasonable behavior chart can be a great help. They can earn instant rewards like a gold star and save those up for a long term reward like a game with Mom, a trip to the park or whatever they are into. Just make it within their grasp and not too hard.

This sort of thing helps with developing good habits and letting go of bad ones.