Homeschool World Forum

How much imput does your daughter have in her schooling? Personally, I would drop the point system. It doesn't get you what you need her to have - responsibility and doing because it needs to be done. You're having her work for a system that punishes as much as it rewards, and it's not helping her grow.

To put things into perspective, my 9yo and I sit down at the end of the school year and discuss what he wants to learn the next year, if he's happy with this program, would prefer a different one...and those remarks are taken into consideration when choosing curriculum. I pick a few that meet both our standards, he picks from those.

During the year, he sets his schedule and I assist him in helping him see what he needs to accomplish each day to get through it. We use an excel planner so he can pull it up each morning and get started on his own. Every 6 weeks or so we sit down and rehash - what are you having trouble in, what do you feel you're doing the best in, what do you have in mind to change this, where do you need my help...and so forth.

The point I'm trying to make is that education belongs to the child. We're here to assist, but the child needs to realize that s/he alone is responsible for learning the information and retaining it. She realizes she has power over her work for you - why do you think it's crawling?

Ask her what she plans to do about it. Put the problem in her hands and wait for her to come up with ideas. Help her decide on a viable plan and help her stick to it. If she sets a schedule where from 8-8:45 is English, then at 8:45 put away the English books and bring out the next subject; it is her responsibility to finish it later. It is the contract she decided on.

As far as the reward situation, Yes.....when statements tend to work better. YES, you may play on the computer WHEN your work is done. YES, you may have friends over WHEN your work is done. Give permission and a way to get there. Give a positive reinforcement. Rewards/punishments tend to work on If....then statements, and the difference is astounding in how we respond. IF you finish your work, THEN you may play on the computer sounds negative and doubtful. And it's really a punishment - you didn't finish your work so you don't get computer time. You're just saying it nicer. You don't have confidence in her and her abilities and it shows when you're holding out the carrot on the stick. Give her the push that tells her you know she can do it and you'll be with her as a cheerleader, not a ringmaster.

I agree with Lily about the schoolwork, if my kids don't like it I expect them to say something. I can't improve them liking what they are doing until they tell me. Recently both my kids are fed up with Math-u-See and so we've changed to Saxon math. They are both a whole lot happier and so far assignments are not drawn out and done rather quick. My youngest dd decided on doing two math assignments a day which is fine, it doesn't take her that long to get them done.

When it comes to book reports I let them choose a book, as long as it's one they have never read before.

I sit down and plan all assignments once a week projects and bigger assignments are done a month in advance so I can tweak or make changes before we start.

And we did sit down as well and discuss what we wanted to learn. Both of my girls wanted to do reports on other countries, and learn about their culture. I've tied that in with home ec as well. We make recipes from that country that would be considered a local dish that they have maybe never heard of. Right now we are working on Italy and they have to find recipes and make a full meal, they have to know the history of the dish, what region it comes from and what the ingredients are and how they are different from ingredients in the U.S. That's just part of the assignment.

We just started doing what works for us and it really helped a whole lot.

Well, if you look at it from her perspective, you are taking her from a safe, productive, and familiar environment and bringing her into a system that you created without asking her what is best. Perhaps homeschool was not the best option here? Instead of plowing forward, completely convinced that you are correct, you could stop for a moment of reflection on the choice that you made. The problem may not lie with her.

Thanks to councelling, we've come a long way. My daughter is beginning to realize that her dad has made some poor decisions that hurt her, and that none of them are her fault. I'm learning that pulling her out of school may not have been the best decision for her, even if I thought it was right at the time. We've found a great school nearby that has better opportunities for her, and she's really looking forward to attending there. Things are finally looking up for her and she's beginning to have hope and joy in her life, something she's been missing for the past several months.

I do appreciate all your comments above. Thank you all so very much for your opinions! I read them all, and mulled each and every one of them over, trying to make decisions that were in her best interest and also to involve her in those decisions. I'm so very thankful for my drive to be a better parent...and hers to grow to be a strong, beautiful young woman.