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Homeschool World Forum • experiences with homeschooling and socialization - Page 2
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:31 pm
by StellarStory

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 6:18 pm
by seekingmyLord
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Please understand that you really have nothing to prove about the choices you have made. I am just curious about your opinions on this subject, particularly since they are not ones I commonly find among anyone who has homeschooled.

One thing that is unclear to me is what you view as a normal childhood when you stated: "It was my wish to give them a 'normal' childhood." Would homeschooling be a normal childhood?

One other thing that raised a question for me:
What would you do if your children had been teased as you had been?

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:36 pm
by StellarStory
My pleasure.

I know that I don't have to prove anything to anybody particularly not to people I don't know on a board like this. I just enjoy good conversations in which we can see one another's view and maybe therefore, open our minds a bit.

When I was into the kids having the "normal" childhood I did not have, no, home schooling wasn't part of the idea. That's why my kids were originally in a rather privileged public school with an excellent reputation.

In fact, I never considered home schooling at all until around third grade when some of the parents of my daughter's friends started talking about taking their child out of school for fourth grade. They felt fourth grade was a "repeat" grade.

I was somewhat fascinated that this woman felt that she had not given her daughter enough attention because her sons had more trouble in school. So, in part, this was her chance to give that to the child. I did not consider home schooling then at all.

If someone brought it up I would ignorantly trot out the socialization issue. My girl LOVED school and was very social at that time. She would cry when there was a school vacation because she missed school so much. LOL.

My kids two years later, rejected the "normal" childhood I wanted for them. They began to beg me to home school them. It was a real blow to me. I learned to deal with it. I want my kids happy. They are now. This was the best decision I ever made even though it was off the beaten path of the journey I had envisioned for them.

The other components of a "normal" childhood include but are not limited to, not be moved around every year or mid year, not to be raised with extreme beliefs that you feel you MUST make others aware of, to fit in with others in your peer group, to know most everyone in your community and they you. Those I, and they, did accomplish for the most part.

If my kids had been picked on, I would have helped them with coping tools to deal with it on their own. If it was bad enough or the kids couldn't deal with it, I would go to the school authorities to help. If that didn't work I would keep plugging away with ways to change the situation for the better.

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:33 am
by seekingmyLord
Well, like most of the homeschooling parents I know, my husband and I had our own experiences with public schools, which differed so greatly that all I can say is that there are no norms with being educated or socialized in public schools. They were not standardized then and they are not any more standardized now.

How fair is it that some children go to schools where there is always a threat of violence and others go the "good schools." How fair is it that one high school offers five different languages and another offers only two. Let's not even get into extra-curricular activities!

Have you considered, at least in part, that you may not see the socialization issue most homeschoolers have against public schools because your children were in a "rather privileged public school with an excellent reputation?"

Also, I find it quite interesting that your children had all these advantages and yet asked you to homeschool them. Why did they do that?

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:40 am
by lisalinnay
I've been following along as StellarStory and SeekingMyLord have been posting, and it's been very interesting. It leads me to interject my experience and observation.

I grew up a public school child with very little parental emotional involvement, and I ended up a mess. It wasn't until my wonderful husband forced me to take a hard look at what my life had been and face the truth about myself and the people who had been in my life and to realize what's truly important, who is a true friend and who isn't, etc. etc. As I grew up, I tried to please everyone and fit in with everyone. I learned that was totally wrong and that nurturing a few true friendships is highly more valuable than being involved in so much and so many. One true friendship is a million times more valuable than a dozen or 12 dozen shallow ones.

Public school is not a good social situation in any way. It lacks guidance, and in today's public schools children think, say, and do pretty much as they please - regardless of how damaging it can be. Teachers do not take any kind of active role, and most parents don't either. Most are too involved with work and their own social lives. There are exceptions, but far too many don't take time for their kids, and if your kids are in public school, you need to be heavily involved with them.

We have always homeschooled and been selective about our children's social situations. We have taught our children respect for others, courtesy and politeness, and to think of others. We have focused on teaching our children that right (God's rules) is right and wrong is wrong, and they must choose right.

I would like to point out that far too many people worry too much about socialization. So many people tend to just repeat what they've heard that "kids need to socialize" without really thinking about it and seeing the truth about it.

Our neighbor, an 80 year old lady, would always comment to me that my son should be in public school so he could socialize more. Yet in witnessing the neighborhood children at play, she would often point out and complain about the other children (who were in PS) and how mean, naughty, and problematic they were. Then she would comment on how nice, well behaved, and polite my son was. It was plain to see that the other children would instigate every argument and attempt to bully and be selfish, or cheat at games. My son usually was the problem solver and worked toward having fun and being fair.

My own dad used to say that my kids didn't socialize enough. "Shouldn't they be in public school so they could be around other kids their age everyday." Yet he would always comment on how wonderful and nice my children are. How well they get along, how polite and considerate they are, and how well they communicate. Then he would tell me about what an awful mess my brother's kids are and how unruly and rotten they are. How mean they are to each other, etc. They're in public school. Only very recently has my dad begun to open his eyes and realize that we have been right to HS our kids.

Socialization isn't as important as so many people make it. Kids do need to have fun and interact with other children, but it requires careful supervision so wrong behaviors and interactions can be properly dealt with and right behaviors taught. A child thrust into an environment with numerous other children day after day isn't capable of developing proper social skills (I'm talking about what's really important - not what's socially acceptable so kids can fit in) without close supervision. This can much more effectively be learned in one on one and small group situations with parental supervision.

Much more important than learning to get along in an environment with hundreds of children is developing life-long communication skills, respect, politeness, learning right from wrong and developing the strength to always choose and do what's right whether it's "socially acceptable" or not. That's what's important.

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:46 am
by seekingmyLord
I agree with you, lisalinnay. I see major differences in most of the children who are in public school compared to the homeschooled children and it is not for lack of homeschooled children having real behavior problems--we have a few in our group.

As to being concerned about socialization for homeschoolers,...in general, I agree that people who don't homeschool make too much of the socialization issue for homeschoolers. On the other hand, I have been reading some forums where some homeschoolers did feel that they were not given enough opportunity to socialize as children and that they lacked social skills. A few have even stated that they would never homeschool their own children. I don't know what their parents did or did not do--for all I know they could be living in a remote area to begin with like a montain in Montana, or on the tundra in Alaska, or in Death Valley. But, I do know that these now grown children blame homeschooling for their lack of skills. So, I do believe there is some validity to the concern for lack of socialization for homeschoolers in some situations, but these are typically the exception to the rule, as I see it.

On the other hand, I do think the public school socialization issues that homeschoolers find repulsive are quite valid in most situations with a few expections.

As to this thread, I guess what I am trying to understand is why a parent, who is homeschooling, does not see this same significant difference--or maybe I am misunderstanding StellarStory posts...?

(BTW, did anyone noticed that our OP seems to have been a drive-by? :roll: )

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:47 pm
by StellarStory

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:51 pm
by seekingmyLord
My questions were from my curiosity. I apologize if they seemed to be offensive. I was only interested in your opinions, because they are quite different from ones I have heard from the homeschoolers I have known and you seemed willing to share your thoughts.

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:56 pm
by StellarStory

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:30 pm
by Theodore

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 6:32 pm
by lisalinnay

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:04 pm
by StellarStory

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:08 am
by seekingmyLord
StellarStory, after reading all the things you have shared, I do understand the importance you place on feeling accepted by others and giving that gift to your children.

At some point, while I was still a teenager, I realized that most people had been friends with me, because it benefited them. I don't mean to say that I think I am anything special, but that is why all people are friends with other people. Something about the friendship fulfills some need or desire they have. Something like what you described with the public school your children were in. You became valuable to the school.

I believe I am valuable to others with what comes naturally for me (and when I feel led by my Lord, even when it does not come so naturally), but I don't feel the need to "fit in" or compromise myself to be of value to others and I certainly would never expect anyone else to compromise to be a friend to me. Does that make any sense?

As I see it, the things people value most about another person are the things that "stick out like a sore thumb" or shine out--whichever works for you.

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:48 am
by StellarStory

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:53 am
by lisalinnay