11 yo Boy W/ No Motivation and Seems Lazy
Posted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 4:18 pm
My oldest son, now 11 in grade 5, was born premature and I was told he would be behind his peers up until around age 8 or so. I firmly believe that his beginning in the world played a part in his educational delay, but that there is something else at play as well. As the years have progressed, I noticed his low motivation level and lack of enthusiasm in every area of life have remained the same. When going from a private school to deciding to homeschool beginning in 3rd grade, I figured that was the answer and that I could motivate him to do his studies because I know him best. While I believe I’ve helped him in more ways than the school ever could have, I still struggle daily with his motivation. He is not a bad child in any sense of the word. As a matter of fact, most people will tell me what a joy it is to talk with him. When it comes to doing the work that requires a paper and pencil, his mind seems to wander and he could sit in the same seat all day long, happy as a lark, just day dreaming or staring off into nothing. If you remind him to do his work, he will…for a minute or two. Then he’ll be back to staring off. It’s constant nagging, it feels, on my part, for him to finish his schoolwork. I have got to the point where I let him know I am available as a teacher on-duty until 2pm (we start at 9am typically), and after that point, I will not be sitting with him. If he has a question, he can ask, but I will not harp on him all day as I only have so much patience I can offer – and many other tasks to get done, not to mention two other younger brothers of his to school also. And yes, he can finish his work in that amount of time easily. After 2pm, I’m off duty, and any activities that happen after that he cannot participate in until his schoolwork is finished. That never seems to be motivation enough. If I allow him to have a break during the day (such as jumping on the trampoline, riding a bike, or getting up and away from his schoolwork), I pretty much lose his attention the rest of the day.
Many days he is still working on school up until bed time. I’ve had friends tell me he’s just being lazy and we need to punish him. We’ve tried punishments (such as losing activities), which I guess I would consider more consequences than punishments. We’ve tried taking things away but he doesn’t care. He could play with the fuzz on the carpet and turn it into one army of carpet fuzz against another…which shows his creativity when he wants to! He does like the hands-on learning style, however, in 5th grade, it is almost impractical to do math or English or reading as hands-on. I can do hands-on to a point, but there does come a time when you just have to write something down. I want school to be a fun learning experience, not one where we sit and write in a book all day. Our history and science lessons are all hands on and very little book work – and writing was (we ended up ending it) with a coop together once a week with homework to bring back the following week. We’ve tried rewards where if he gets his work done by a certain time of day (far more than it should take), he gets to go on a date with mom or dad – his choice. Every reward system we put in place will work for a week or two and then it loses steam and we’re back to the same un-motivation.
Let me explain a typical day and his personality. He is the sweetest child, can talk with anyone young or old, loves others and little children, and loves God. He has never seemed to have one passion/hobby/love. He dabbles in many things but has never stuck to one thing. He understands what he’s learning even though he says it’s hard, he CAN do his schoolwork quickly when he wants to (if I threaten to have him skip out of an activity because he’s not done), he’s careless when it comes to specifics (for example, in math, the answers WOULD be correct if he would line his numbers up correctly – which he does know how to do just doesn’t), and works slowly on any project given in schoolwork/chores/fun activities. He has a hard time figuring out main concepts, writing a paragraph, and organizing ideas. He has one speed and it’s slow. The only time I’ve seen him work fast is when he was going to lose a beloved activity (usually a sleepover that had been planned, or activity with his friends). He will go into a panic mode to get it done and then it’s done sloppy with many mistakes. He does play with his two younger brothers well, with their toys, and with his own toys. He likes legos, action figures, trading cards, going to P.E. with other homeschoolers, listening to music, and talking with and being around people. My words are typically along the lines of, “You need to concentrate on your work,â€
Many days he is still working on school up until bed time. I’ve had friends tell me he’s just being lazy and we need to punish him. We’ve tried punishments (such as losing activities), which I guess I would consider more consequences than punishments. We’ve tried taking things away but he doesn’t care. He could play with the fuzz on the carpet and turn it into one army of carpet fuzz against another…which shows his creativity when he wants to! He does like the hands-on learning style, however, in 5th grade, it is almost impractical to do math or English or reading as hands-on. I can do hands-on to a point, but there does come a time when you just have to write something down. I want school to be a fun learning experience, not one where we sit and write in a book all day. Our history and science lessons are all hands on and very little book work – and writing was (we ended up ending it) with a coop together once a week with homework to bring back the following week. We’ve tried rewards where if he gets his work done by a certain time of day (far more than it should take), he gets to go on a date with mom or dad – his choice. Every reward system we put in place will work for a week or two and then it loses steam and we’re back to the same un-motivation.
Let me explain a typical day and his personality. He is the sweetest child, can talk with anyone young or old, loves others and little children, and loves God. He has never seemed to have one passion/hobby/love. He dabbles in many things but has never stuck to one thing. He understands what he’s learning even though he says it’s hard, he CAN do his schoolwork quickly when he wants to (if I threaten to have him skip out of an activity because he’s not done), he’s careless when it comes to specifics (for example, in math, the answers WOULD be correct if he would line his numbers up correctly – which he does know how to do just doesn’t), and works slowly on any project given in schoolwork/chores/fun activities. He has a hard time figuring out main concepts, writing a paragraph, and organizing ideas. He has one speed and it’s slow. The only time I’ve seen him work fast is when he was going to lose a beloved activity (usually a sleepover that had been planned, or activity with his friends). He will go into a panic mode to get it done and then it’s done sloppy with many mistakes. He does play with his two younger brothers well, with their toys, and with his own toys. He likes legos, action figures, trading cards, going to P.E. with other homeschoolers, listening to music, and talking with and being around people. My words are typically along the lines of, “You need to concentrate on your work,â€